Meh. - Page 234

Sparklehorse · 11-10-2005, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dc_chef
Don't knock it.

Hmm, maybe you're onto something. Mr. Chapped Hands has told me on more than one occasion about a guy he knows who married a stripper. The marriage collapsed after a year but he is still the envy of all the men who know him.

Hank Chinaski · 11-10-2005, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Yeh, but that’s no matter. All sins are forgiven. If you don’t feel like going through the conversion, just confess to God that you wish were a Catholic but were too lazy on your death bed and you’ll get all the benefits. Everybody should confess their sins and ask for forgiveness when they get old. Why not hedge?

that's the beauty of confession.

Years ago, I had pulled a rib muscle and had a stressful week at work. Pain + adrenilin made me sure I was having a heart attack- at the Emergency room when they asked religion I said "none...................................................wait can you change that to Catholic?"
we all go back.

sebastian_dangerfield · 11-10-2005, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I've seen some priests invite non-Catholics to take the host at weddings. It was very clear that those of us who hadn't been to confession since 1987 were not off the hook, though, and we should feel very, very bad that we couldn't eat our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Amen.

I've refused it on principle since 1989. No one sticks anything in my mouth unless I'm getting money.

LessinSF · 11-10-2005, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Did you hear the advance bits on Sarah Silverman’s new stand up movie? She’s does this crazy bit about how she’d crucify Christ all over again. That chick is going to get some serious hate mail... BTW, she is fucking hysterical, if you haven’t heard her stuff already...

She is why I don't watch Jimmy Kimmel. I cannot stand the idea of him shtupping her instead of me.

dtb · 11-10-2005, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Do those fucking carpetbaggers from Macy's sell it?

They sell it at this place on line -- for 40% off!! (You said you have jew envy -- become one of us, Coltrane, and the discount can be yours!)

Alex_de_Large · 11-10-2005, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LessinSF
She is why I don't watch Jimmy Kimmel. I cannot stand the idea of him shtupping her instead of me.

Slate just did an interview with her.

ETA: here's an interesting photo google found:

Shape Shifter · 11-10-2005, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LessinSF
She is why I don't watch Jimmy Kimmel. I cannot stand the idea of him shtupping her instead of me.

as she said at a recent roast: "Jimmy Kimmel everyone, he's fat and has no charisma!"

str8outavannuys · 11-10-2005, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I went to basketball camp with a kid named Adolph. The first day, the counselor called out "Uh, Adolph? You're not serious, are you?" I sooo wanted to see what that kid's folks looked like. That had to be some fucked up family right there...

Having a really bad historical figure sport a certain name is a good way to put that name on ice, at least for awhile. But I think pop-culture can do it too.

How many "Les" and "Herb"s are there in the post-WKRP-in- Cincinatti era? How many "Fred" "Barney" "Wilma" and "Betty"s (to say nothing of Pebbles or Bam-Bam)? Will "Harry, Hermione, and Ron" go up or down in the current era?

cuckold · 11-10-2005, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Married to Jew. I wonder if I had married a Catholic, maybe she be a little more faithful.

Probably not.

str8outavannuys · 11-10-2005, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
One of my best friends went to acupuncture school in NYC. She's in Vermont now, but if you don't have a good acupuncturist in the area, I can get you a referral.

I LOVE it when she needles me (I have a bad shoulder, neck, right arm, wrist, hand thing going. I blame law school.). I don't get to see her nearly enough.

She says her proudest moment in acupuncture thus far was helping someone get pregnant when all other therapies failed.

Someone's got to break it to "her" and "her" client, that just because there's penetration, doesn't make it acupuncture.

Gattigap · 11-10-2005, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Someone's got to break it to "her" and "her" client, that just because there's penetration, doesn't make it acupuncture.

This is your best work.

str8outavannuys · 11-10-2005, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
I've never understood this.... good for you?

Good for you, you managed to ejaculate inside a woman?

Good for you, your semen aren't so fucked up that they can't find the egg?

Good for you, what?

When we told my in-laws that my wife was pregnant, her father heartily congratulated me.

Most. Awkward. Moment. Ever.

sebastian_dangerfield · 11-10-2005, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
that's the beauty of confession.

Years ago, I had pulled a rib muscle and had a stressful week at work. Pain + adrenilin made me sure I was having a heart attack- at the Emergency room when they asked religion I said "none...................................................wait can you change that to Catholic?"
we all go back.

Not me. I had a blow induced freak out (thought I was having heart attack) and had an epiphany on the beach (North Carolina back in 1994) that religion is possibly the dumbest thing imaginable.

Two years ago some assjack doc told me I might have a nasty cancer. Turned out to be a minor nothing issue. I looked down the barrel of the gun and again thought "Religion? What could be more asinine and pointless?" I was rather comfortable with the notion that I'd go somewhere I wouldn't understand and hopefully would maybe retain consciousness and learn the meaning of life. But that absurd organized religious nonsense people run around bleating about all over this country struck me as the most absurd notion for any person pondering his mortality to consider.

In the end, I will kill myself. When I'm old and sick, I will end things. I can't think of any other dignified exit. Otherwise, some fool will ramble at the service about how it was "God's will" or I was "called home." Thanks, but I'd rather be recalled for having the good sense to call myself home, on my own goddamned schedule.

I also like the idea of pissing all over the notion that we have finite existances which some deity controls and actually cares enough to terminate on some special day.

Hank Chinaski · 11-10-2005, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Not me. I had a blow induced freak out (thought I was having heart attack) and had an epiphany on the beach (North Carolina back in 1994) that religion is possibly the dumbest thing imaginable.

Two years ago some assjack doc told me I might have a nasty cancer. Turned out to be a minor nothing issue. I looked down the barrel of the gun and again thought "Religion? What could be more asinine and pointless?" I was rather comfortable with the notion that I'd go somewhere I wouldn't understand and hopefully would maybe retain consciousness and learn the meaning of life. But that absurd organized religious nonsense people run around bleating about all over this country struck me as the most absurd notion for any person pondering his mortality to consider.

In the end, I will kill myself. When I'm old and sick, I will end things. I can't think of any other dignified exit. Otherwise, some fool will ramble at the service about how it was "God's will" or I was "called home." Thanks, but I'd rather be recalled for having the good sense to call myself home, on my own goddamned schedule.

The point of no return isn't when you're still walking and the doc tells you you only have three months to live.

The time you can say for sure what you'll do is 2 months 29 days later when you can't walk anymore. If you don't go back then- you win- but I don't see how you'll tell us.

Fake heart attacks are much more immediate than false cancer diagnosises.

Oliver_Wendell_Ramone · 11-10-2005, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Not me. I had a blow induced freak out (thought I was having heart attack) and had an epiphany on the beach (North Carolina back in 1994) that religion is possibly the dumbest thing imaginable.

Two years ago some assjack doc told me I might have a nasty cancer. Turned out to be a minor nothing issue. I looked down the barrel of the gun and again thought "Religion? What could be more asinine and pointless?" I was rather comfortable with the notion that I'd go somewhere I wouldn't understand and hopefully would maybe retain consciousness and learn the meaning of life. But that absurd organized religious nonsense people run around bleating about all over this country struck me as the most absurd notion for any person pondering his mortality to consider.

In the end, I will kill myself. When I'm old and sick, I will end things. I can't think of any other dignified exit. Otherwise, some fool will ramble at the service about how it was "God's will" or I was "called home." Thanks, but I'd rather be recalled for having the good sense to call myself home, on my own goddamned schedule.

Can we shoot your ashes out of a cannon?