To fuck or to cook?

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by Sparklehorse

It makes me sad to think about it, but it seems like there is a pretty decent number of women* out there who don't like doing the sex and never get off anyway !

I still don't believe this. This is some kind of bizarre repression that comes from being brainwashed by some cult, like Anglicans, for example.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Understandable. What if the discussion of the issues indicates it is likely a temporary thing, but may take weeks or possibly months to improve? And you find other advantages to the relationship that at times you feel outweigh what may be temporary disadvantages? Would you still be inclined to leave? I guess I'm curious as to how much work you would put into it, how long would you wait, before you throw in the towel.

Probably depends on how much you want it to work and whether or not you really think it is a temporary thing.

[Sparklehorse]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

I still don't believe this. This is some kind of bizarre repression that comes from being brainwashed by some cult, like Anglicans, for example.

I was sort of horrified a few years ago to meet a friend of a friend who within minutes was complaining about how she hated to give her husband BJs. If it matters, she was Jewish. {Insert joke about Jewish women stopping BJs after marriage here.}

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Understandable. What if the discussion of the issues indicates it is likely a temporary thing, but may take weeks or possibly months to improve? And you find other advantages to the relationship that at times you feel outweigh what may be temporary disadvantages? Would you still be inclined to leave? I guess I'm curious as to how much work you would put into it, how long would you wait, before you throw in the towel.

here's the fact- a whole lot of long term relationships have sex very infrequently. data source- stories my wife hears with her walking group- and answers heard at neighborhood newlywed games.

no one here would admit less than optimum frequency (besides you know who) but I'm sure plenty of socks are in your same boat. how do you improve it, or do you give up? IDK- but I'd first think about whether I was looking at the frequency through a prism that wasn't showing me reality.

1- cue penske hank's wife posts
2- all that said, I don't know how I'd live in some of the relationships I hear about- I think I'd leave, but I know others stay, so who knows.
3- I doubt it's a "temporary thing." ntbap

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

here's the fact- a whole lot of long term relationships have sex very infrequently. data source- stories my wife hears with her walking group- and answers heard at neighborhood newlywed games.

no one here would admit less than optimum frequency (besides you know who) but I'm sure plenty of socks are in your same boat. how do you improve it, or do you give up? IDK- but I'd first think about whether I was looking at the frequency through a prism that wasn't showing me reality.

1- cue penske hank's wife posts
2- all that said, I don't know how I'd live in some of the relationships I hear about- I think I'd leave, but I know others stay, so who knows.
3- I doubt it's a "temporary thing." ntbap

2. While Hank's wife helps me acheive optimal frequency, so I have no issues, I agree with the rest.

the lack of frequency for many couples is incredible (i get this info second hand from a family systems therapist I sex from time to time). I believe the only way to change it is to change it, but, if you get to that stage your communications have a hole, so starting the conversation is difficult.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by Sparklehorse

I was sort of horrified a few years ago to meet a friend of a friend who within minutes was complaining about how she hated to give her husband BJs. If it matters, she was Jewish. {Insert joke about Jewish women stopping BJs after marriage here.}

I can understand preference or distaste for any one sex act, but it's the wholesale denial of libido that I think has to come from some kind of cultish indoctrination.

I wonder what's temporary about it? Some kind of depression? A physical problem? If it arises out of either of those, well, then it's a different issue but the root cause is already known.

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

I can understand preference or distaste for any one sex act, .

Exactly. I have never held it against any chick who refuses to give the blumpkin, however, those special few who do it are amply rewarded.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Understandable. What if the discussion of the issues indicates it is likely a temporary thing, but may take weeks or possibly months to improve? And you find other advantages to the relationship that at times you feel outweigh what may be temporary disadvantages? Would you still be inclined to leave? I guess I'm curious as to how much work you would put into it, how long would you wait, before you throw in the towel.

Weeks? You've been complaining about it for weeks. If that's what the discussion indicates, the discussion was misleading.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

I can understand preference or distaste for any one sex act, but it's the wholesale denial of libido that I think has to come from some kind of cultish indoctrination.

I wonder what's temporary about it? Some kind of depression? A physical problem? If it arises out of either of those, well, then it's a different issue but the root cause is already known.

If it's something like depression, there's no way to know that it's temporary. If it's a physical problem, maybe -- but if Count is complaining that his gf doesn't want to have sex until after the full-body cast comes off, then he's a cad.

At a guess, the excuse is something like "I'm just really stressed out over work right now...." But that's usually just an excuse

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

At a guess, the excuse is something like "I'm just really stressed out over work right now.... because the HR Director found out I'm banging the VP, insisted on joining us for three-somes, but now seems to want him all to herself." But that's usually just an excuse

I don't know, I can see how that situation is likely temporary.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

If it's something like depression, there's no way to know that it's temporary. If it's a physical problem, maybe -- but if Count is complaining that his gf doesn't want to have sex until after the full-body cast comes off, then he's a cad.

At a guess, the excuse is something like "I'm just really stressed out over work right now...." But that's usually just an excuse

Well, it could be "I'm really depressed I can't find a job" or something that will actually blow over with time or change in circumstances. I imagine that there are a lot of people in the country who are having these sorts of problems.

My answer, of course, is to hit Erotic Cabaret, Cindies, Good Vibrations, or some other establishment that sells sex toys together, and find something you both will like.

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan

Well, it could be "I'm really depressed I can't find a job" or something that will actually blow over with time or change in circumstances. I imagine that there are a lot of people in the country who are having these sorts of problems.

I'm superdepressed (in a faux-clinical way, as opposed to just mildly dissatisfied and/or irritated, which are normal moods for me) that my plan B is going right down the drain and I will be resigned to a life where my greatest joy is my in office bidet, however, I am able to transcend that depression, w/o medication, no offence, and perform as well in the bedroom as the boardroom. With Hank's wife as my witness.

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan

My answer, of course, is to hit Erotic Cabaret, Cindies, Good Vibrations, or some other establishment that sells sex toys together, and find something you both will like.

Good suggestions all. I believe Dan Savage shops at babeland. fwiw

[Sidd Finch]

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan

Well, it could be "I'm really depressed I can't find a job" or something that will actually blow over with time or change in circumstances. I imagine that there are a lot of people in the country who are having these sorts of problems.

Hence my first sentence -- "If it's something like depression, there's no way to know that it's temporary." I also imagine that there are a lot of people in the country who are having these sorts of problems. If those people have any confidence that the problems will have ended in a matter of weeks, then they are most likely deluding themselves.

Also, honestly, if that's really the issue for Count -- his gf lost her job, and their sex life has markedly changed as a result -- and he's questioning whether maybe it's time to leave...... ugh.

My answer, of course, is to hit Erotic Cabaret, Cindies, Good Vibrations, or some other establishment that sells sex toys together, and find something you both will like.

This is a good suggestion, but if someone's libido has really died (even if temporarily), it may be tough to sell her on the idea of going sex toy shopping.


I left the woman that most of my family thought I would marry, largely because of these issues.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

If it's something like depression, there's no way to know that it's temporary. If it's a physical problem, maybe -- but if Count is complaining that his gf doesn't want to have sex until after the full-body cast comes off, then he's a cad.

full body cast does not explain a lack of head bobs, does it?

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by PresentTense Pirate Penske

I am able to transcend that depression, w/o medication, no offence, and perform as well in the bedroom as the boardroom.

I am going to go ahead and affirm that I believe you are probably as good at fucking as you are at lawyering.