Fashion Board 12-09-03 through 1-08-04

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Geez, what do you do, dump in your pants? Wear Depends? Use a cork?

Talk about anal freaks, this takes the cake.

Putting aside whether I am an anal freak, it has more to do with the natural rhythms of my life. Not that you wanted to know, but I'm regular as clockwork. The only time I've ever needed to go midday is when there is a disturbance in the Force, if you catch my drift. Like the time I have some bad empanadas for lunch, and sparked what I call the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1998.

Good thing it's a light posting weekend. RP will only be halfway through her muffin when she gets to this thread on Monday a.m.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by taxwonk
Poo? Twosies?

My mother taught me to avoid foul language when there were men pretending to be ladies present.

[Dave]

People.com is reporting that Britney Spears got married on Saturday morning. No, the bride did not wear white.

Required Link (spree: news story with tacky but otherwise inoffensive photo)

Da (how far would YOU go to pump up interest in a flagging career?) ve

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Putting aside whether I am an anal freak, it has more to do with the natural rhythms of my life.

Never had to go to work super early, or stay super late? I think you are actually "Finch"

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Never had to go to work super early, or stay super late?

Well, sure, but there's a direct line of communication between my adrenal gland and my sphincter. I didn't realize this was some kind of magic power.

On the whole, I think I'd rather be Apache Chief, if only for the casino money.

[Skeks in the city]

Originally posted by bilmore

I am personally very acquainted with people who lost thirty-plus pounds in six weeks on this diet

They lost 6 pounds a week? You realize a sedentary adult burns around 2000 calories a day, so if they took enough speed to maintain their metabolism while consuming zero calories a week, they'd only lose 4 pounds a week.

So maybe the patch people bilmore associates with are meth-heads. Alternatively, perhaps patch dwellers are as active as professional athletes. A professional athlete could possibly lose 6 pounds a week. For instance, players on New Zealand's rugby team, the "All Blacks", eat 4000 or 5000 a day. Link

This all puts aside dehydration. Everyone knows early on in a diet, there's a quick weight loss due to dehydration. There's even more in the Atkins diet due to the high protein, low carb intake. But dehydration accomplishes nothing except to overwork your kidneys and liver by flushing out all the excess protein. Pushing extra fluid through the kidneys to flush out the protein also has the effect of flushing out extra minerals. This has the added benefit of increasins your risk of kidney stones. And if you're a woman, flushing out calcium also increases your chances of getting osteoperosis. Fun, fun, fun.

[Dave]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Cutting out the middleman and just eating the money would be cheaper than shopping at Whole Foods. High in fiber, too. Which is, however, a carbohydrate. Oh, the humanity!

This would also help maintain a cocaine habit should anyone have one and be sans dealer. Coke in $

Ketching up, and not to contribute to a dietary holy war or anything, but blanket statements such as "Atkins is harmful over the long term" are ridiculous. Compared to what? The 50 people in America who might eat whatever the truly optimal diet is, maybe. Compared to the typical american diet, not hardly. Just cutting out the white bread, french fries, Doritos and soda would improve the health (and weight) of half the population, with no obvious adverse health consequences.

The number of new "Atkins-friendly" products released in the last two months is staggering. How come it took so long for big food to get the memo? Too bad it's all highly processed crap. I'll take actual food, thank you.

Da (will be trying the Heinz 1 Carb Ketchup, but that's about it) ve

[Skeks in the city]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch

Putting aside whether I am an anal freak, it has more to do with the natural rhythms of my life.

You saying you relax after work with a big meal and a big crap?

[ThrashersFan]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Well, sure, but there's a direct line of communication between my adrenal gland and my sphincter. I didn't realize this was some kind of magic power.

Setting aside the fact that I cannot believe we are talking about pooping, I will chime in to say that I don't think this makes you weird (other things might, but not this). I won't poop in a public washroom. I too am like clockwork -- 3 times a week without fail and never while away from home, regardless of how late I might be at work. I guess my mind just tells my ass "this ain't the time or the place." This may be among the many reasons why I don't travel -- going a week or two without "going" can get uncomfortable.

[leagleaze]

Does this conversation really need to continue?

To change the subject, I taped Angels in America for TMD. Does anyone else want to view it after she does?

[LessinSF]

Originally posted by ThrashersFan
Setting aside the fact that I cannot believe we are talking about pooping, I will chime in to say that I don't think this makes you weird (other things might, but not this). I won't poop in a public washroom. I too am like clockwork -- 3 times a week without fail and never while away from home, regardless of how late I might be at work. I guess my mind just tells my ass "this ain't the time or the place." This may be among the many reasons why I don't travel -- going a week or two without "going" can get uncomfortable.

I find this hard to believe, given all the beer you drink.

[Alex_de_Large]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Putting aside whether I am an anal freak, it has more to do with the natural rhythms of my life. Not that you wanted to know, but I'm regular as clockwork. The only time I've ever needed to go midday is when there is a disturbance in the Force, if you catch my drift. Like the time I have some bad empanadas for lunch, and sparked what I call the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1998.

Good thing it's a light posting weekend. RP will only be halfway through her muffin when she gets to this thread on Monday a.m.

I knew a guy in school who wouldn't take dumps in public places because he insisted on wiping with fucking baby wipes (!!!!!!!) after each dump. The fact that he actually told people about this habit was even more strange. Use a fucking bidet, my friend...

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by leagleaze
Does this conversation really need to continue?

No. Although I find Atticus's regularity to be about as surprising as the fact that Penske drives a Saab. Not that there's anything wrong with either.

To change the subject, today I was out and about and encountered an annoying couple whose son was named Canyon. I have a really disgusting wisecrack in mind about their inspiration for the name, but it would work better if he had been an unusually big kid.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by LessinSF
I find this hard to believe, given all the beer you drink.

discresion caused me to pass on a very good, but scatological, response to this. the classy on this board owe me a debt of gratitude.

[str8outavannuys]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Ahem.

In other news, the Yankees appear to have lost another pitcher. David Wells reportedly goes to San Diego. Which leads to more Yankee Schadenfreude Haiku.TM

Boomer a Padre?
He'd make a good Friar Tuck
That dude can par-tay.

In honor of something I watched on ESPN Classic today:

Jim from Michigan
Once tossed no-no with one hand
Broncos' next QB?