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03-02-2004, 05:34 PM
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#4441
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Random Syndicate (admin)
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Romantically enfranchised
Posts: 14,281
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
No no no. Make a tape of you and her fucking, and retire on that. And make sure they shoot you from below like the Paris Hilton tape. From the angle they shot Rick Solomon in the Hilton tape, it looked like he had a John Holmes level instrument.*
*Orson Welles pioneered use of low looking-up camera angle to great dramatic effect in Citizen Kane.
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Speaking of John Holmes, I was at an Oscar party at a local theater on Sunday night, and they were giving away promotional stuff for the movies that have gone through. One of the items was a 13 1/2 inch ruler that was part of the promotion packet for the John Holmes movie Wonderland.
Holy shit, that's a long cock! Just trying to figure out the mechanics hurt my cervix and my uvula.
__________________
"In the olden days before the internet, you'd take this sort of person for a ride out into the woods and shoot them, as Darwin intended, before he could spawn."--Will the Vampire People Leave the Lobby? pg 79
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03-02-2004, 05:36 PM
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#4442
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Moderasaurus Rex
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 33,080
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
You know, the scene where Welles is jerking off in the shower and narrating "Here is the highlight of my day - jerking off in the shower, and it isn't going to get much better than this..." and then... wait a minute. Fuck you, Tyrone. Get that fucking Spacey picture off this board.
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Fuck me? No, fuck you. Stop going back and looking at the picture to see if I've re-sized it and it won't bother you so much.
__________________
“It was fortunate that so few men acted according to moral principle, because it was so easy to get principles wrong, and a determined person acting on mistaken principles could really do some damage." - Larissa MacFarquhar
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03-02-2004, 05:36 PM
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#4443
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Too Good For Post Numbers
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 65,535
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Holy shit, that's a long cock! Just trying to figure out the mechanics hurt my cervix and my uvula.
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I don't think you were actually supposed to use that ruler. |
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03-02-2004, 05:38 PM
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#4444
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World Ruler
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 12,057
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Speaking of John Holmes, I was at an Oscar party at a local theater on Sunday night, and they were giving away promotional stuff for the movies that have gone through. One of the items was a 13 1/2 inch ruler that was part of the promotion packet for the John Holmes movie Wonderland.
Holy shit, that's a long cock! Just trying to figure out the mechanics hurt my cervix and my uvula.
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Lesbian.
__________________
"More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way."
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03-02-2004, 05:39 PM
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#4445
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Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: i put on my robe and wizard hat
Posts: 4,838
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Un-Dateable Poll
Drama:
Light comedy:
Inspirational Sports Movie:
__________________
I'm going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet.
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03-02-2004, 05:47 PM
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#4446
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Throwing a kettle over a pub
Posts: 14,753
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
13 1/2 inch ruler Wonderland.
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HOLY SHIT!!! 13.5 INCHES!! That's the longest ruler I've ever heard of!
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No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.
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03-02-2004, 05:49 PM
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#4447
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Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: All American Burger
Posts: 1,446
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
HOLY SHIT!!! 13.5 INCHES!! That's the longest ruler I've ever heard of!
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Show him a yardstick and the poor boy would faint... |
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03-02-2004, 05:52 PM
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#4448
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Steaming Hot
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Giving a three hour blowjob
Posts: 8,220
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
13 1/2 inches
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I'm not impressed unless they also submit a width measurement. Who wants to fuck a noodle? |
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03-02-2004, 05:56 PM
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#4449
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Too Good For Post Numbers
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 65,535
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I'm not impressed unless they also submit a width measurement. Who wants to fuck a noodle?
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Probably true, but I'd still be impressed seeing a 13-1/2 inch noodle. |
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03-02-2004, 06:00 PM
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#4450
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Steaming Hot
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Giving a three hour blowjob
Posts: 8,220
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by bilmore
Probably true, but I'd still be impressed seeing a 13-1/2 inch noodle.
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03-02-2004, 06:01 PM
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#4451
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No title
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Here
Posts: 8,092
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I'm not impressed unless they also submit a width measurement. Who wants to fuck a noodle?
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Are you saying you have not actually seen it? Let me just say, it's no noodle. The funniest parts of his movie are the women cringing in pain acting like it feels good and the tearing up from the gag reflex also acting like it doesn't hurt like a mother.
eta, I think I heard somewhere that he can't get it up anymore (there's probably not enough blood in his old age body).
Also, some of the better parts of the movies were the trailers with pics of Moby Dick. Now THAT'S a unit.
__________________
Ritchie Incognito is a shitbag.
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03-02-2004, 06:05 PM
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#4452
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Steaming Hot
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Giving a three hour blowjob
Posts: 8,220
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
blah blah blah
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sigh. I mean in general, when you're on a date and deciding whether to have sex with someone and you get their measurements first.
Don't you all do this? |
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03-02-2004, 06:06 PM
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#4453
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Throwing a kettle over a pub
Posts: 14,753
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
Are you saying you have not actually seen it? Let me just say, it's no noodle. The funniest parts of his movie are the women cringing in pain acting like it feels good and the tearing up from the gag reflex also acting like it doesn't hurt like a mother.
eta, I think I heard somewhere that he can't get it up anymore (there's probably not enough blood in his old age body).
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I'll take John Holmes in our one-on-one death pool.
__________________
No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.
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03-02-2004, 06:09 PM
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#4454
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World Ruler
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 12,057
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Un-Dateable Poll
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
eta, I think I heard somewhere that he can't get it up anymore (there's probably not enough blood in his old age body).
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I thought he was dead.
__________________
"More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way."
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03-02-2004, 06:13 PM
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#4455
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Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Rose City 'til I Die
Posts: 3,309
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dead porn stars
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
eta, I think I heard somewhere that he can't get it up anymore (there's probably not enough blood in his old age body).
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After a good 15 years of decomposition, that's not too surprising. Once rigor mortis (sp?) passes, I'm guessing it's difficult for a dead guy to maintain an erection (Buffy the Vampire Slayer notwithstanding). |
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