Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I can masturbate quietly, but I can't have sex very quietly, though I've tried. I have recently discovered that I am not alone in this. Anyone else?
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Just in case there are dream weavers out there, I had a strange dream last night that perhaps you can interpret.
I found out where Superstar sitcom actress Rue McLanahan (maude, Golden Girls) lived, and I went to her house late at night. Nobody appeared to be home, so I started peeping through the windows and could see lots of appropriately cool stuff. I thought about masturbating outside her bedroom window, but then figured, nah, I'll leave that for another night. I need time to plan out the fantasy a bit more. As I was leaving Rue McLanahan came home and caught me about to leave her yard. She seemed concerned at first but then we started chatting like a couple of old school chums. Up close, I realized that she was about 90 years old and looked a bit worse for the wear and tear. I decided not to come back and masturbate, and felt a bit guilty about the whole escapade. Then she invited me into the house for a tour. It was sparsely furnished but there were lots of cats. A gaggle of cats. I was stunned at the number of cats.
At one point I noticed a little hamster floating in one of the many cat bowl’s of milk in one of the rooms. Rue remarked in a matter of fact way "oh, the poor little bugger must have fallen in there and drowned". Feeling a bit queasy at her non-chalant attitude I scooped up the limp body of the hamster in my hand and administered a pseudo form of CPR. All of sudden a squirt of water came out of it's mouth and nostrils and it began breathing.
I saved the hamster’s life. It seemed grateful and Rue had a smile on her face. I had distinct feeling of self-satisfaction. I had given something back.
Then I startled out of my dream infused sleep and immediately farted. Loudly. I also found I had morning wood. Weird, huh?
cheese grits
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