Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Haven't you ever needed "the bigger high"? I switch jobs, I switch drinks, cars, houses, hobbies, you name it... Objectively, I am rather happy, and were you to meet me, you'd likely think I had a pretty good gig.
But its never going to be enough. As soon as I get one thing, I need another, and it just doesn't stop. I think I put my finger on it years ago. People aren't wired for routine. I cannot do/be/consume any of one thing for two long without becoming utterly disinterested in it... and it happens fast... Imagine high speed ADD coupled with aninsatiable appetitie to constantly be entertained. It helps in this career because I enjoy learning shit, but for all other aspects of my life, I really want this afflication gone. I watch my neighbor mow his lawn and wave to his wife as she leaves for work and think "Fuck, why is he so happy? That's so boring?" Yet I realize its impossible to live in a casino of constant new pleasures my entire life. There is no job that allows one to just travel the world soaking up as much shit as you can and trying a gazillion things until you die. And thats exactly what I want to do. My "college prism" isn't pining for college so much as pining for some revelatory in the same way college was revelatory, something to grab me by the balls and interest me every day. Something stimulating.
I guess its pretty naive and arrogant to think I should be perpetually entertained and interested in whatever i'm doing, but hey... thets the wiring I have upstairs, and I haven't been able to fix it for over three decades, so I'm fairly sure its permanent. What can I say...
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You nailed me, and my current ennui and angst. I've been in my current "gig" for about seven years and am bored with the field of law, the people I work with, and the people I work for. I am even bored of San Francisco, to a certain extent, but I know that I would grow bored with anything else I did after awhile, whether travel, writing, golf, or just kicking around ingesting substances, trying to get laid, sleeping and otherwise being a degenerate layabout.
My brain is too big and it is not satisfied with reruns. I could constantly do new things, but I went into the wrong field of law and have not yet enough accumulated to enable me to live in the lifestyle I would want. Thus, I am stuck here for awhile, salting away my bonuses, investing on the Plated plan, building the 401(k), hoping my place continues to appreciate, and that my parents don't blow my retirement money, while bemoaning the years I am losing when my body is in relatively good health and relatively still attractive. I need to win the lottery.
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