Meh.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Fugee
Gus looks just like Max, the younger Fugee Cat, other than for Max's white paws. Max is not allowed outside or he no doubt would have pulled the Gus stunt many times.

I recommend the strictly indoor cat strategy.

A rational and thoughtful suggestion, Kind Reader. Would that it would work, except that Gus is not the only cat, and closing up everyone in the house would probably not work.

Meantime, this weekend we learned that We learned that Gus likes other trees as well.

*

Gus ascends the Birch tree in the backyard Friday morning, and commences what I can only describe as a vigil. (At one point, I thought of it as a political protest -- perhaps if Gus remained aloft for another 36 hours, the troops would come home). Unlike the Jacaranda tree, which has essentially naked branches and provides a clear target, the Birch contains lots of distracting foliage. He's a good 20 feet up, inaccessible by ladder or scaling sans tree-trimming equipment.

Friday we call up to, cajole, and curse the cat. No success.

Saturday morning arrives. Gus is still there. I unleash Domestic Water Cannon 1.0, which instead of propelling him from the tree causes him to climb FARTHER UP, where DWC1.0 cannot reach. Gattigap throws the ladder to the ground in disgust, causing consternation among the family unit.

We research on the internets a strategy of alighting into the tree a basket with food and a small blanket -- the theory being that if he can't/won't come down all the way to the ground, perhaps he'll come down into the basket. Struck me as very Norman Rockwellian, but Mrs. G wants Options, so it's worth a try.

After an engineering exercise worthy of Tutankhamun, the basket is aloft, about half way up to Gus' position. No dice. The option of solution by axe is considered briefly but ultimately discarded.

As we near the 48 hour mark, worries are voiced about the kitten simply expiring up in the tree. These worries stuck me as quite improbable, but such worries are not easily extinguished (though consulting the internets does help). Mrs. G prods me to calls the local Fire Department, and we learn that they won't come at any price.** All of the tree-trimmers are apparently inaccessible on weekend.

Sunday afternoon, we come to a decision. The Cat will, nay must, come down from the tree. The solution? Domestic Water Cannon 2.0.

***

What followed was a rather bizarre tableau. Me lodged about 8 feet up in the tree with the DWC2.0, spraying essentially upward. Mrs. G and the Gaplets down below (who, only yesterday, worried about Gus becoming prey for owls or hummingbirds or somesuch) urging me to continue soaking the cat and essentially blow him out of the tree. Cat clinging to tree and furiously howling at me.

"Mew! Mew!"

"Keep it up, Gatti! He's slipping!"

"Mew! Mew!"

[kids] "Come down, Gus! [clap] Come down, Gus!" [clap]

[Gatti getting drenched]

"Mew! Mew!"

etc.

Eventually we coax the cat out of his sanctuary, onto more fragile branches and onto an adjacent tree with more leafy branches. Slip, tumble, fall. Lands upright, though dispassionate observers would not call this a perfect four point landing.

Gus is now dry, fed, hydrated, and as of this evening, not in a tree. Negotiations for declawing are underway.

Truly yours,

I remain

Gattigap






* Small artistic license. This was the Jacaranda tree, not the birch tree of the weekend. Notwithstanding the technical difference, you get the idea.

** "That's a negative, sir. Suggest you call tree-trimming services." Gee, thanks, General.

*** Not a true pressure-washer, mind you, but one attached to a regular hose. I needed more reach to knock him from his branch, not necessarily the 200 psi to blow his fur off. However tempting that may have been.