Missing the Paigow (et al.) [sniff]

[dtb]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
No worries. Just ask Christ for his forgiveness, and say like 10 Hail Marys.

Well, isn't that conVEEEEEENient?

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by dtb
(not that kind of trouble)

Anyway, this morning when I was getting out of my taxi, as I opened the door, an old(ish) lady was riding by on a bicycle (in the 10-degree weather, wearing a fur coat!?!) and crashed into my open door. She took a slow-motion spill and landed flat on her back on the sidewalk. Now, I realize this could have resulted in some serious bodily injury to the poor woman, but I couldn't stop laughing (on the inside). I did get out and ask if she was OK (she was having none of my concern, by the way), but I was giggling uncontrollably on the inside. The whole incident looked like a clip from America's Funniest Home Videos.

So, I'm thinking I'm going to be toast in the afterlife.

The woman on the bike sounds like someone worth knowing.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
The woman on the bike sounds like someone worth knowing.

Are you saying before or after she wins the lawsuit?

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by dtb
Anyway, this morning when I was getting out of my taxi, as I opened the door, an old(ish) lady was riding by on a bicycle (in the 10-degree weather, wearing a fur coat!?!) and crashed into my open door.

I have a friend who visited TCOTU not too long ago, and rented a car. (Yeah, I know. An idiot.)

Anyway, as he pulled his rental car up to a restaurant valet, a pedestrian started screaming at him, yelling "you hit me!" He and the valet exchanged looks of "what a nut," and he went into the restaurant without a second thought.

Until he was served here in Podunkville with the lawsuit a few months later ("hey, Not Bob -- it says I'm being sued in the Supreme Court on these papers. Do I need to respond? I've never been in Washington."), that is. He's just been deposed.

[andViolins]

Originally posted by Not Bob
I have a friend who visited TCOTU not too long ago, and rented a car. (Yeah, I know. An idiot.)

Anyway, as he pulled his rental car up to a restaurant valet, a pedestrian started screaming at him, yelling "you hit me!" He and the valet exchanged looks of "what a nut," and he went into the restaurant without a second thought.

Until he was served here in Podunkville with the lawsuit a few months later ("hey, Not Bob -- it says I'm being sued in the Supreme Court on these papers. Do I need to respond? I've never been in Washington."), that is. He's just been deposed.

How did the plaintiff describe it in the complaint - a hit and eat? A Knock and Nosh?

aV

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by dtb
(not that kind of trouble)

Anyway, this morning when I was getting out of my taxi, as I opened the door, an old(ish) lady was riding by on a bicycle (in the 10-degree weather, wearing a fur coat!?!) and crashed into my open door. She took a slow-motion spill and landed flat on her back on the sidewalk. Now, I realize this could have resulted in some serious bodily injury to the poor woman, but I couldn't stop laughing (on the inside). I did get out and ask if she was OK (she was having none of my concern, by the way), but I was giggling uncontrollably on the inside. The whole incident looked like a clip from America's Funniest Home Videos.

So, I'm thinking I'm going to be toast in the afterlife.

Translation:

This morning, I saw some loopy old peasant woman with a raggedy coat come spinning by on her bicycle. While a tiny part of me was taken by the quaintness of the situation, I could not resist swinging my door open into her for kicks. She crashed to the frozen asphalt in the most comical manner and I immediately burst into uncontrollable hysterical laughter, but my driver was good enough to roll down his window and briefly feign concern.

I'd be concerned about the spiritual ramifications of my actions, but hell is for the little people.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by dtb
(not that kind of trouble)

Anyway, this morning when I was getting out of my taxi, as I opened the door, an old(ish) lady was riding by on a bicycle (in the 10-degree weather, wearing a fur coat!?!) and crashed into my open door. She took a slow-motion spill and landed flat on her back on the sidewalk. Now, I realize this could have resulted in some serious bodily injury to the poor woman, but I couldn't stop laughing (on the inside). I did get out and ask if she was OK (she was having none of my concern, by the way), but I was giggling uncontrollably on the inside. The whole incident looked like a clip from America's Funniest Home Videos.

So, I'm thinking I'm going to be toast in the afterlife.

Maybe you should open your fucking eyes when you get out of a cab?

Last person who opened a cab door in my face like that got a roundhouse kick to the face. But typically I just mule-kick the door and (hopefully) catch a couple of fingers.

And by the way, I am handling her case. Since the cab only has 25 g in insurance we are suing you.

[dtb]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Maybe you should open your fucking eyes when you get out of a cab?

Last person who opened a cab door in my face like that got a roundhouse kick to the face. But typically I just mule-kick the door and (hopefully) catch a couple of fingers.

And by the way, I am handling her case. Since the cab only has 25 g in insurance we are suing you.

Still sore about the last time I opened the door in your face and laughed and laughed? (Oh, how I laughed...)

Whew! Good thing I gave her my real name!

[Sparklehorse]

Slate is having a contest for lawyers:

So, not only does Slate want to hear the meanest thing you've ever done to an opponent on the holidays, but we want to reward the most contemptuously awful stunt we unearth with lovely swag. Let us know whether we can print your name. (As if.) Please send your most evil pre-holiday shenanigans to grinchesq@hotmail.com. The best stories will be reprinted here shortly, and the Most Evil Attorney in the World will be showered with Slate paraphernalia. This contest is also open to anyone, anywhere with stories of hideous pre-holiday lawyer shenanigans, whether they were perpetrated upon you by counsel on the other side, by bosses in your law firm, or you merely heard about them from some sad-sack lawyer in a bar on Christmas morning. Still, Slate reserves the right to limit showers of swag to those brave enough to turn themselves in for being the worst holiday cretins of all time.

Will the winner also receive a fist dildo?

Link

[Replaced_Texan]

Showtime may rescue Arrested Development

Goodbye Cinemax!

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Showtime may rescue Arrested Development

Goodbye Cinemax!

Sweet.

Although I think I prefer it when they bleep out the swear words -hopefully they'll continue doing that.

Also, Monday night's episode wasn't their best (but, like always, it had its GREAT moments).

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
I don't think your deal is any good any more. I think puttin the hammer on Ole JC was an anticipatory breach of that deal.

Not according to the Pope. Well, the last one, at least. You know, the one who wasn't a Nazi sympathizer?

[Captain]

Originally posted by taxwonk
Not according to the Pope. Well, the last one, at least. You know, the one who wasn't a Nazi sympathizer?

I thought that was two ago.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
a dickhead is not a vegetable.

Sometimes he is after the beat-down.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
Fisting! hahahaha

Fisting! hahahahahahaha!!!

Anal fisting!!! OOOOOHHHH hahahahahaha!!!!!

What the fuck is wrong with you people? I cannot believe that, even for those previously unfamiliar with the concept (if not the practice), the word fisting had not lost any titillation or humor value by the eighteen thousandth time it was mentioned over the course of two weeks. Things may have been raunchy and occasionally juvenile back in 2001, but these days I feel like I am watching a cross between a bad SNL skit and Beavis and Butthead. You know the way SNL these days every once in a while stumbles across a concept with some mild humor value? And then it proceeds to use that schtick in every single skit for about a year? And then it makes a full length motion picture premised on the once-mildly-humorous concept, so flooding the popular culture with this once-mildly-humorous concept that it ensures that the lowest common denominator conversation you will be stuck having with every jackass on the elevator or with every drunk ass stranger in a bar while you are waiting for someone will be the repeated invocation of whatever inane catch phrase has become the representation of that once-mildy-humorous concept?

Well, let's just stop it. Enough with the fisting. IT. IS. NOT. FUNNY.

We have alread lost one paigow. We can scarcely afford to lose any more.

Still bitter about Str8 killing the spinning movie, eh?