Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I sold my house and bought a condo when I divorced Mr. Kiss. This morning, I received the e-mail below from my upstairs neighbor. How do I respond? Do I need to move?

Apologize, thank her for letting you know about the thinness of the walls because you did not realize. Tell her that you will not play the piano in the middle of the night and you will try to keep it down at night generally, and that she should let you know if you are still being too loud.

Possible sources of noise that can easily be fixed:

Issue: Bed touches wall, and sometimes rubs against it/hits it when you are fucking. Mitigation: Move bed away from wall, or fuck on the floor or couch or something.

Issue: Squealing/moaning/groaning. Mitigation: Get into bondage/gags; keep throw pillows around to bury your faces in.

Issue: Water running at night b/c of late-night post-sex showers. Mitigation: Delay until morning; use sink for quick rinse instead of shower.

I sleep through anything (including the phone and the buzzer, much to the chagrin of a friend of mine) but when I'm awake, I do notice which noises from neighbors seem to travel well.

[barely_legal]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Has she tried earplugs? I wear earplugs to sleep most of the time b/c of the traffic outside my window and they work like a charm.

I think that's a good idea if the upstairs neighbor were asking for our advice on how to block out the piano and fucking noises that her downstairs neighbor is making, but I don't think that Abba should suggest to her neighbor that she wear earplugs to block out the fucking noises. I don't think that would be taken kindly even by Ms. Not-Getting-Any-But-Still-Nicey-Nice.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Before you buy a new place, you might consider consulting with an architect or interior designer to find out if there is some product or treatment that can be applied to your walls/ceilings to sort of sound-proof your place.
.

Or buy fringey a drink, who appears to have the necessary expertise.

Make sure the bed is on a rug/carpet, or has those rubber footpads.

Get a white noise machine, and put it on a timer to turn on at 10pm every night. It might mask noises. The timer ensures it's not on only for sex (and why would you worry if they think you're getting it every night)?

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Get a white noise machine, and put it on a timer to turn on at 10pm every night. It might mask noises. The timer ensures it's not on only for sex (and why would you worry if they think you're getting it every night)?

That will only mask noise for ABBA, and thus might make things worse for the neighbor.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
No, I've always had a suspicion that folks in trailer parks were happier than me, swapping bits about Jerry Springer and Days of Our Lives, oblivious to the idiocy of everything around them. My chief beef at the moment is why I had to get fucked with a headful of frustration at everything I see. Its like the entire world is a mass of mediocre shit, a lemming parade, a fucking doomed petri dish of evolving mindless bacteria. I'm cool with the notion that life has no meaning. I just want the cool hand of ignorance to pluck the observant, analytical brain matter from my skull. I'm beginning to envy that Kennedy they lobotomized. She was probably amazed by cheese. I want that gig. I want to be excited about a new roof or gardening. I want to salivate over the latest TV Guide. Why can my neighbor coo about landscaping for hours while I count the minutes until cocktail hour? Eh, fuck it. Its all been said before. This intelligence thing is grossly overrated.

Am I or am I not allowed to respond to this post by raving about the many wonders of cheese? I wish you'd provide some guidance regarding appropriate responses, because I'd hate to bore the board with drivel.

But I had some excellent brie melted with carmelized onions last night. Almost as good a cheesecake.

(no, I won't STP)

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
That will only mask noise for ABBA, and thus might make things worse for the neighbor.

Because the neighbor has special sex-hearing ability? It will make more noise overall, but might drown out the moans for all.

Or maybe she can buy one for the neighbor, put it in her apt., and get a remote control to turn it on as needed.

But I digress. No condo owner should expect total silence.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by barely_legal
I think that's a good idea if the upstairs neighbor were asking for our advice on how to block out the piano and fucking noises that her downstairs neighbor is making, but I don't think that Abba should suggest to her neighbor that she wear earplugs to block out the fucking noises. I don't think that would be taken kindly even by Ms. Not-Getting-Any-But-Still-Nicey-Nice.

Good point.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Or buy fringey a drink, who appears to have the necessary expertise.

Make sure the bed is on a rug/carpet, or has those rubber footpads.

Get a white noise machine, and put it on a timer to turn on at 10pm every night. It might mask noises. The timer ensures it's not on only for sex (and why would you worry if they think you're getting it every night)?

The white noise machine works well at masking sounds in the room it's in, but I don't think it really muffles sounds that tend to travel. So, it would have more of an effect of putting ABBA and Commando Boy in a deceptive Cone of Silence.

If it's the anthropomorphized drink that has the expertise, why do I have to be involved?

I really don't like to offend my neighbors by being noisy. I have been lucky in having really nice neighbors. The last place I lived, the woman upstairs told me a few times that I should tell her if I could hear her (uh, this would not have been sex, it would have been walking around) and that she would try to remember never to wear shoes (in her own house!!) so as to keep the noise down. And she was on the top floor, so it's not like it was some reaction to *her* upstairs neighbor.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by barely_legal
I think that's a good idea if the upstairs neighbor were asking for our advice on how to block out the piano and fucking noises that her downstairs neighbor is making, but I don't think that Abba should suggest to her neighbor that she wear earplugs to block out the fucking noises. I don't think that would be taken kindly even by Ms. Not-Getting-Any-But-Still-Nicey-Nice.

I think there's a reasonableness factor. I generally wouldn't start bitching about noise before midnight on a school night and before 2:30 on a weekend night.

It also depends on the building. In my brother's building, it's fairly routine to run into someone coming home and looking to party some more around 3:30 on a weeknight. In my parents' building, 11:30 is more likely.

I will say, under anyone's definition of reasonable, complaining at 1:22 am on January 1, 2004 about 8 people dancing in a very large room at moderate noise level is completely and totally unreasonable. Especially if the method of complaint is to open the door of the apartment and walk in to yell at the party host.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by Anne Elk
Neti Pot Update:
Tinnitus - still there
Dark Circles under my eyes - a little better
Sping time allergies - non-existent!!!!

Doesn't it have to stop snowing there before you'll know for sure?

[Guy Smiley]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Because the neighbor has special sex-hearing ability? It will make more noise overall, but might drown out the moans for all.

Or maybe she can buy one for the neighbor, put it in her apt., and get a remote control to turn it on as needed.

But I digress. No condo owner should expect total silence.

Then again, no human being should expect to listen to some idiot playing the piano at 2:30am

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Because the neighbor has special sex-hearing ability? It will make more noise overall, but might drown out the moans for all.

Or maybe she can buy one for the neighbor, put it in her apt., and get a remote control to turn it on as needed.

But I digress. No condo owner should expect total silence.

What fringey said about the white noise machine.

And a condo owner could reasonably expect no piano noise at 2:30 any day of the week. No sex noise is another thing.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
That's one of the most polite shut the fuck up letters that I've ever read.

2. I wrote one once that was significantly less polite. Mrs. Finch wouldn't let me send it.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
(and why would you worry if they think you're getting it every night)?

They don't "think" I am getting it every night; I AM getting it every night, just not from the same person all every night. That is my concern. Although I am thinking this will change. I like Commando Boy a LOT.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
But I digress. No condo owner should expect total silence.

I put up with another neighbors constantly barking puppy.