Drive fast, live hard, no regrets... Sorry Penske

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Did you read the piece in the Times about how studies show people personable waiters better, and that service usually isn't the prime deciding factor in tip size? It was in last week's oped section.

I do 25% if the person is exceptionally nice and super and I've loved the meal and am pretty drunk. I'll also tip way extra if I don't feel on dealing with getting change for the bills I have.

No, I didn't see that article. But I hope this concept of being personable does not inspire more servers to bend at the knees, rest their arms on the table, and say "Hey, guys, I'm Justin, I'll be your server tonight, okay guys? Awesome."

Justin, I don't care what the fuck your name is. I can't remember the names of law school classmates, former colleagues, or even certain partners in my firm who could actually help my career. Your name has no chance of being lodged in my memory, even for the duration of this meal, which has already been rendered too long by your lengthy introduction. Oh, and my due date is none of your business, in fact, I'm not even pregnant. Now please stand up and go get me a margarita and an ashtray.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Today is a day in which I should not interact with others. Every single email has been a DISASTER, and now I have offended you and Not Bob.

Just step back and work on your list of things you'll ask outside counsel to get done this weekend, with an email sent at 4 PM this afternoon. That always helps you focus.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
HE'S NOT BOB!!!!

Diet Dr. Pepper. Keyboard.

Thank you.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
No, I didn't see that article. But I hope this concept of being personable does not inspire more servers to bend at the knees, rest their arms on the table, and say "Hey, guys, I'm Justin, I'll be your server tonight, okay guys? Awesome."

Justin, I don't care what the fuck your name is. I can't remember the names of law school classmates, former colleagues, or even certain partners in my firm who could actually help my career. Your name has no chance of being lodged in my memory, even for the duration of this meal, which has already been rendered too long by your lengthy introduction. Oh, and my due date is none of your business, in fact, I'm not even pregnant. Now please stand up and go get me a margarita and an ashtray.

When I was hugely pregnant, I went with the then-husband to a barbeque restaurant, where our server gestured at my enormous, protruding belly (hi SD!), looked at the mister and asked "Is it yours?"

I think I tipped her more than the bill.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
No, I didn't see that article. But I hope this concept of being personable does not inspire more servers to bend at the knees, rest their arms on the table, and say "Hey, guys, I'm Justin, I'll be your server tonight, okay guys? Awesome."

Justin, I don't care what the fuck your name is. I can't remember the names of law school classmates, former colleagues, or even certain partners in my firm who could actually help my career. Your name has no chance of being lodged in my memory, even for the duration of this meal, which has already been rendered too long by your lengthy introduction. Oh, and my due date is none of your business, in fact, I'm not even pregnant. Now please stand up and go get me a margarita and an ashtray.

I have always wanted to do a few skits and get them on videotape. One would be to saunter into an airport bar in a Captain’s uniform, slug down five or six drinks, start slurring and acting surly and make a scene, then look at my watch, scream “Fuck! My flight!” and run out the door, videotaping the patrons left behind. The other would be to assemble a group of friends in a hotel suite, put plastic tarp all over the floor, dress the friends in butcher uniforms and one guy in janitor-type uniform (all wearing surgical masks) and then call some seedy strippers to the room, videotaping their horrified reactions when they enter the scene (Yes, I realize that one is a tad sick, but it’d be pretty comical). Now, you have given me a great idea. I’d get a female friend to wear a fake pregnancy costume and accompany me to dinner at a center table at a very upscale restaurant, where she would proceed to get scandalously falling down loud and obnoxious drunk. A buddy at the bar would videotape the horrified reactions of the patrons.

I love you - you’ve rounded out my pitch. Of course, royalties will be paid to you.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I have always wanted to do a few skits and get them on videotape. One would be to saunter into an airport bar in a Captain’s uniform, slug down five or six drinks, start slurring and acting surly and make a scene, then look at my watch, scream “Fuck! My flight!” and run out the door, videotaping the patrons left behind. The other would be to assemble a group of friends in a hotel suite, put plastic tarp all over the floor, dress the friends in butcher uniforms and one guy in janitor-type uniform (all wearing surgical masks) and then call some seedy strippers to the room, videotaping their horrified reactions when they enter the scene (Yes, I realize that one is a tad sick, but it’d be pretty comical). Now, you have given me a great idea. I’d get a female friend to wear a fake pregnancy costume and accompany me to dinner at a center table at a very upscale restaurant, where she would proceed to get scandalously falling down loud and obnoxious drunk. A buddy at the bar would videotape the horrified reactions of the patrons.

I love you - you’ve rounded out my pitch. Of course, royalties will be paid to you.

First one's been done. I can't remember by whom, but I've seen that. I'll check my unused Law Revue files. There's probably something in there you can use.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
First one's been done. I can't remember by whom, but I've seen that.

The Man Show. Adam Corrolla deserves more credit for being extremely funny.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
First one's been done. I can't remember by whom, but I've seen that. I'll check my unused Law Revue files. There's probably something in there you can use.

The pregnancy one is the best of the three. There's a Palm in Philly thats always packed full of jackasses who fancy themselves as imprtant "players" with a hidden bar right next to the serving area for the buddy with the video camera. I can even see the exact table I'd use. Dead center... can be seen perfectly from every other table.

Their food's overrated shit anyway. Its worth the lifetime ban.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
The Man Show. Adam Corrolla deserves more credit for being extremely funny.

How is his new show? I've had it on, but I've not paid attention.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
How is his new show? I've had it on, but I've not paid attention.

Not Funny. From the 5 minutes I watched the other night. I didn't even know he had a new show until it was on when I turned on the tv. He was doing the talk-to-people-in-a-food-court thing that Leno does to such non-comedic effect. Corolla did not do it any funnier than Leno. Meh.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
I've had it on, but I've not paid attention.

Me too.

He had Buzz Aldrin on when I was half-watching it.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Me too.

He had Buzz Aldrin on when I was half-watching it.

Did they talk about sex? In space?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by baltassoc
Did they talk about sex? In space?

Probably. Here two of my favorite of the Sports Guys most recent Ramblings:

After Mia Hamm retired, I was wondering if anyone would fill her void as the "cute female athlete who's as personable as an ironing board" ... and then Danica Patrick came along.


When it comes right down to it, there isn't a more enjoyable Spanish word than "pupeseria".


Speaking of Lance, everyone keeps raving how he's such a physical specimen, how he's unbelievable, how he's an inspiration and everything else -- and I'm not denying any of that -- but what about Jack Nicholson? The guy's been partying like a madman for four decades now: Outlived Belushi and Hunter S., looks 10 times better than Keith Richards and Jan Michael Vincent, still hangs with 25-year-olds and Playboy bunnies ... I mean, everyone else from his generation is either dead, brain-dead or stone-cold sober, and he's still chugging along like a college sophomore at Mardi Gras. So where's his Nike commercial?

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Oh, its requited. I don’t know how I’d get through these boards without you... You should name your child Sebastian.
Actually, I like the name Sebastian, and my wife even seemed to think that it would be a good name for a son. But I’ve ruined it. I can never use it. I’d have a child who reminded me of myself...

BTW, what’s a “stiffer?” I tip 15% for bad service, 20% for good.

What's the status for ncs and gwink? Are they still alone on the internet? I forget.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
What's the status for ncs and gwink? Are they still alone on the internet? I forget.

You wound me.