To fuck or to cook?

[Count de Monet II Esq]

Seems to be a cooking lull, how about another twist on the fucking hypothetical?

SF: When you figure this one out, let the world know. But charge them for the knowledge -- you'll be a rich man.
I assume the third question is "How do you count to three?"

Suppose the same disconnect on frequency is going on, but gets worse, and the bf/gf/spouse's libido disappears, but he/she still wants affection and requests cuddling/snuggling/lounging together, but there can be no kissing, and sex is out of the question. Do you indulge them at will, out of compassion/love/what you will, despite the risk that you may exacerbate your own sexual frustration level (basically self-inflicted blue balls or blue clitori/g-spot, figuratively or literally), indulge them on occasion and engage in masterbation to avoid exacerbation, refuse to indulge them until their libido reappears, or take some other path?

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Seems to be a cooking lull, how about another twist on the fucking hypothetical?




Suppose the same disconnect on frequency is going on, but gets worse, and the bf/gf/spouse's libido disappears, but he/she still wants affection and requests cuddling/snuggling/lounging together, but there can be no kissing, and sex is out of the question. Do you indulge them at will, out of compassion/love/what you will, despite the risk that you may exacerbate your own sexual frustration level (basically self-inflicted blue balls or blue clitori/g-spot, figuratively or literally), indulge them on occasion and engage in masterbation to avoid exacerbation, refuse to indulge them until their libido reappears, or take some other path?

other path.

[Count de Monet II Esq]

Originally Posted by PresentTense Pirate Penske

other path.

Path of greatest resistance?

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Path of greatest resistance?

I can deal with that path. I am stocked with primo lube......

[Adder]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Suppose the same disconnect on frequency is going on, but gets worse, and the bf/gf/spouse's libido disappears, but he/she still wants affection and requests cuddling/snuggling/lounging together, but there can be no kissing, and sex is out of the question. Do you indulge them at will, out of compassion/love/what you will, despite the risk that you may exacerbate your own sexual frustration level (basically self-inflicted blue balls or blue clitori/g-spot, figuratively or literally), indulge them on occasion and engage in masterbation to avoid exacerbation, refuse to indulge them until their libido reappears, or take some other path?

Dan Savage answer: The by/gf/spouse with no libido is being cruel if he/she/it expects you do go without sex, in particular if she insists on the type of physical intimacy he/she/it wants. You need to talk with he/she/it about your needs, and if he/she/it isn't willing to satisfy your needs, you need to tell him/her/it that you are going to do what you need to have your needs met. If you really love him/her/it and there the relationship is valuable to you, maybe you need to start getting some on the side. But if this person is just a bf/gf, you really need to ask yourself if you are sexually compatible whether you can go through life with this person sexually unfullfiled.

Adder answer: Take what you can get.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Path of greatest resistance?

Yes. That's a sucky relationship, and one I would want out of...

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Adder

Dan Savage answer: The by/gf/spouse with no libido is being cruel if he/she/it expects you do go without sex, in particular if she insists on the type of physical intimacy he/she/it wants. You need to talk with he/she/it about your needs, and if he/she/it isn't willing to satisfy your needs, you need to tell him/her/it that you are going to do what you need to have your needs met. If you really love him/her/it and there the relationship is valuable to you, maybe you need to start getting some on the side. But if this person is just a bf/gf, you really need to ask yourself if you are sexually compatible whether you can go through life with this person sexually unfullfiled.

Adder answer: Take what you can get.

I enjoy Savage's column for entertainment value, but, from personal experience, platonic (ftr, we have not sauna'd naked together), nttawwt, I can't take his advice seriously. no offence dan.

[Adder]

Originally Posted by PresentTense Pirate Penske

I enjoy Savage's column for entertainment value, but, from personal experience, platonic (ftr, we have not sauna'd naked together), nttawwt, I can't take his advice seriously. no offence dan.

I sure he will not be offended that you can't take my rendering of his typical advise seriously.

Although I think he (and bnb) are right on this one. It isn't far for your SO to expect you to remain unfulfilled, so he he/she/it can't deal with you going elsewhere, it's time to end things.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Seems to be a cooking lull, how about another twist on the fucking hypothetical?




Suppose the same disconnect on frequency is going on, but gets worse, and the bf/gf/spouse's libido disappears, but he/she still wants affection and requests cuddling/snuggling/lounging together, but there can be no kissing, and sex is out of the question. Do you indulge them at will, out of compassion/love/what you will, despite the risk that you may exacerbate your own sexual frustration level (basically self-inflicted blue balls or blue clitori/g-spot, figuratively or literally), indulge them on occasion and engage in masterbation to avoid exacerbation, refuse to indulge them until their libido reappears, or take some other path?

I think, if you value the relationship, you start talking about it with her/him/it.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan

I think, if you value the relationship, you start talking about it with her/him/it.

It's important to get to the root cause. I'd put a tail on them to see who they're shagging on the side, because I find it inconceivable that one would go sex-less if one has a choice.

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by greedy,greedy,greedy

it's important to get to the root cause. I'd put a tail on them to see who they're shagging on the side, because i find it inconceivable that one would go sex-less if one has a choice.

2.

[Sparklehorse]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

It's important to get to the root cause. I'd put a tail on them to see who they're shagging on the side, because I find it inconceivable that one would go sex-less if one has a choice.

I agree about looking at a root cause.

There are probably also differences between men and women in this regard. I think a man can more easily put a mental bag on his partner's head to get laid than many women. It makes me sad to think about it, but it seems like there is a pretty decent number of women* out there who don't like doing the sex and never get off anyway so why have this hairy, smelly dude sweating on top of you (or bugging you for a beej)? Especially if said woman has all the kids she wants.

*NB: I am not one of them!

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan

I think, if you value the relationship, you start talking about it with her/him/it.

If the relationship has cycled such that you went from building a relationship, having sex with some frequency (such that there would an issue when that frequency changed) and then the no sex thing, and you have to "start talking" at that point, there is larger issue with communications and you are better off either turning to PI (as per GGG's suggestion) or Craigslist, depending on which party you are.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally Posted by PresentTense Pirate Penske

If the relationship has cycled such that you went from building a relationship, having sex with some frequency (such that there would an issue when that frequency changed) and then the no sex thing, and you have to "start talking" at that point, there is larger issue with communications and you are better off either turning to PI (as per GGG's suggestion) or Craigslist, depending on which party you are.

I don't want to be in a relationship necessitating either Craigslist or a PI.

I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who rarely wants to fuck me, or whom I rarely want to fuck me. I'm happy to have those kind of friends, but not those kind of significant others.

[Count de Monet II Esq]

Originally Posted by bold_n_brazen

I don't want to be in a relationship necessitating either Craigslist or a PI.

I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who rarely wants to fuck me, or whom I rarely want to fuck me. I'm happy to have those kind of friends, but not those kind of significant others.

Understandable. What if the discussion of the issues indicates it is likely a temporary thing, but may take weeks or possibly months to improve? And you find other advantages to the relationship that at times you feel outweigh what may be temporary disadvantages? Would you still be inclined to leave? I guess I'm curious as to how much work you would put into it, how long would you wait, before you throw in the towel.