Fashion Board 6-9-04 to 7-13-04

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
for such a scrawny guy, you sure have some big opinions. napoleon complex maybe?

Big opinions? About the proper way to defecate?

I feel that Western Society is doomed because we've forgotten about the children and the place of spirituality in the national discourse. Oh, and the Fed's monetary policy is disastrously short-sighted; I fear we're headed for a crash in consumer spending in the next six months followed by a prolonged recession with Carter-esque interest rates. The Chinese will eat us alive. If you disagree, you're an imbecile.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
If you disagree, you're an imbecile.

New PB Motto!

[dtb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Some guys undo their belt and pants to piss. This is unnecessary and dandy-ish, in my opinion.

My son (who is 5) pulls down his pants (without unbuttoning?!) and underwear to pee, and sort of leans against the toilet bowl. However, this practice has been curtailed of late, because at his birthday party, a bunch of boys went to use the bathroom (I went with them, which is why I know what happened), and of course, they all wanted to use the urinal instead of the toilet, because (as far as I know) none of them has one in his house. So, when it's my son's turn, and he pulled down his pants and underwear, all the other boys laughed at him. He was somewhat traumatized. Peer humilation is the only way to snap someone out of anti-social behavior.

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
It's almost as annoying as those assholes who bring a newspaper to the bathroom to shit. Here's a tip - if it take the entire sports page to "drop the kids off at the pool", you ought to see a fucking doctor. Its not a goddamn holiday; take your dump, wipe your ass and get the fuck out. The process should take about two minutes. If it doesn't, buy some Metamucil.

Bless you. Please spread the word.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy

(Coltrane, how'm I doing on the American-bashing?)

Excellent. Keep it up. We disgust me.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I look at guys in the bathroom and compare their behavior to my perceived norms.

* Classic opening line from Get Yer Ya Yas out.

Rolling Stones Timmy. It's "me" trousers.

1) a real lawyer thinks about a file while in the toilet, not all of that. Bathroom time is not billable in and of itself.

2) Here's some Bathroom behavior I saw at biglaw.

New lateral GA comes in and he is a big-big dickhead. He has no interest in talking to, be nice to, etc. ANY other associates. He is only decent to Partners. He treats us like dirt. After a bit he decides he can tell young partners to die; he only needs the seniors- who sheep-like, as always, enjoy the regular anus-licking he provides.

So anyway, a few of us are bitching about him, and one guy tells the story of how he's standing next to him at a urinal. The shithead pees but doesn't flush. My buddy feels this is a sign of intense disrespect to him. I say maybe its just bad breeding (even then I was willing to give a guy a chance).

Soon after, I'm at the urinal next to him: he pees-doesn't flush. A few hours later I'm walking past the restroom door when dickhead is going in. I also see big partner going in. I think here is the proof of my bad breeding theory. I go in to do a fake pee and observe.

Dickhead standing next to GP, pees and flushes. It wasn't bad breeding. The guy was so warped and so competitive (?) or something that he wanted to show his distain for us by not flushing. This is the worse GA I knew.

Bad GA stories?

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by dtb
So, when it's my son's turn, and he pulled down his pants and underwear, all the other boys laughed at him. He was somewhat traumatized. Peer humilation is the only way to snap someone out of anti-social behavior.

Eureka! Red red rum's problem is solved. Dtb and a group of 5-year-old boys take a field trip to Boston biglaw.

Please bring a small digital video camera. I would pay to see a group of 5 year olds burst out laughing at a senior partner.

[red red rum]

Originally posted by dtb
My son (who is 5) pulls down his pants (without unbuttoning?!) and underwear to pee, and sort of leans against the toilet bowl. However, this practice has been curtailed of late, because at his birthday party, a bunch of boys went to use the bathroom (I went with them, which is why I know what happened), and of course, they all wanted to use the urinal instead of the toilet, because (as far as I know) none of them has one in his house. So, when it's my son's turn, and he pulled down his pants and underwear, all the other boys laughed at him. He was somewhat traumatized. Peer humilation is the only way to snap someone out of anti-social behavior.



Bless you. Please spread the word.

In my original post I noted that there is a special dispensation for pulling down pants and underwear for little kids and the mentally challenged. You can assure your son that he has nothing to be embarassed about.

And what's wrong with reading the sports page in the library? Its quiet, its private, its special alone time. I can rip through the whole of the Globe's sports page in one sitting. No phone, no email, no secretary, NO ASS BARING PARTNERS. Bliss.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by leagleaze
That would be gay, not scrawny. Speaking of, did y'all see Queer eye for the straight guy last night? They did a gay guy. The show was hilarious, but gay guy was kind of freaky.

spoiler










Gay guy for the gay guy on 6 Feet Under went bad. I'll miss Arthur. Anyone know if he's under contract, returning?

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by red red rum
And what's wrong with reading the sports page in the library? Its quiet, its private, its special alone time. I can rip through the whole of the Globe's sports page in one sitting. No phone, no email, no secretary, NO ASS BARING PARTNERS. Bliss.

Crushable? Mmm, maybe not so much.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I bagged the low rise pants. The waxing got way too expensive.

As to shirts, ever meet these cats who swear they won't wear anything colored pink? Wierdest thing. Do they still think they're in a crib or something? These are the guys who drop their kids off at high school soccer practice and think "I'd love to suck off one of those robust boys..." or "Why do I get this wierd feeling in my thigh when I see that kid from the 'O.C' on television?" I wonder how many Pete Townsends are floating around blissful suburbia.

I know what you mean. there are guys who I think are studying what I do in the bathroom at work, and judging me. fAgs.

[red red rum]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Crushable? Mmm, maybe not so much.

Hey, wait, my mistake, I misposted that. That was my response to most embarassing associate story. I knew an associate at another firm who used to camp out in the men's room and that was his rationale.

Cut me some me slack, I'm new to regular posting, there's a learning curve.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I know what you mean. there are guys who I think are studying what I do in the bathroom at work, and judging me. fAgs.

They're not judging you, they just think you should lose some weight. You'd probably feel better.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ironweed
Nope. He's miles ahead of the typical 7-button orange NBA clown suit, but that collar is too long and too pointy, and the knot on the tie isn't substantial enough.

I strongly disagree. The point collar shirt with a four-in-hand is an undeniable classic and is never out of place unless you are dressing for an audience with the Queen.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Some guys undo their belt and pants to piss. This is unnecessary and dandy-ish, in my opinion. You're not going to fuck your shirt up so much pulling your pecker through your zipper that you need to retuck your shirt every time you piss. And for god's sake, dispense with standing in front of the mirror and talking to me while retucking your shirt while I wash my hands. I don't need to know whose boxers you wear (if you do this while wearing tidy-whiteys, I will have no choice but to assume you're hitting on me, and run for fear of falling victim to some restroom frottage).

I also get very annoyed by full-unbuckle piss because it makes me, and people like me who engage in the mere unzip-and-pull-it-out urination, feel like we're not hygenic. I get the sense that these nancy boys who must do the full unbuckle do it for some sort of deep seeded subconscious exhibitionist kick, coupled with a belief that its somehow manly to stand around pulling your pants up and adjusting your shirt after pissing. I say fuck them, and everything they stand for. It's almost as annoying as those assholes who bring a newspaper to the bathroom to shit. Here's a tip - if it take the entire sports page to "drop the kids off at the pool", you ought to see a fucking doctor. Its not a goddamn holiday; take your dump, wipe your ass and get the fuck out. The process should take about two minutes. If it doesn't, buy some Metamucil.

Luckily for me, none of this applies, since its been about 14 years since I switched to commando.

* Classic opening line from Get Yer Ya Yas out.

I have never in my life thought that it as easier to be a woman when it came to bathroom behavior. You know, we have the long lines, the squatting and hovering, the toilet paper that you didn't notice was gone until too late.

But you know what? I've changed my mind. I have never been gladder that I have a vagina.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I know what you mean. there are guys who I think are studying what I do in the bathroom at work, and judging me. fAgs.

One last bit on this... Why do some guys piss in the stalls? I used to work with one cat who always pissed in the stall, which I considered kind of rude, since it basically piss stains the toilet. Isn't that a social faux pas? If its isn't, it should be. Its bad enough people are forced to share toilets with one another, but men should have the common decency to use urinals to piss. They're there because even the best of us are not always as accurate as we should be. The idea that I might have to sit on something that one of my poorly-sighted co-workers was "aiming" at just hours earlier is pretty gross.*

* Which is why I mainline about 8000 ccs of caffiene into my viens as early in the morning as practicable - to be certain that if I have to use the stall, I will be the first of the day.