Fashion Board 5-7-04 to 6-9-04

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
Would you have preferred that we let them starve to death like the baby bear?

Why didn't you just make a racoon pie?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Warning: I am not responding EXACTLY, DIRECTLY to Sunny's post.

I was watching a nature show a while back and they focused on a young bear cub who'd become lost. The narrator, who had a camera about 20 feet from the cub, matter-of-factly said some shlocky crap like "ahhh, the cruel dance of nature... this bear will not live to see the next season." I wanted to reach through the screen and scatter the fucker's teeth. Why not drop your pompous detached objectivity, pick up the bear, and take it to a fucking sanctuary? I'd like to leave that asshole in Falluja with a canteen and a compass and film him screaming as we drive away, calmly narrating into my mic, "Ahhh, nature, this skinny British fuck will not see sundown."

The real bullshit about this is that most mother bears with cubs will readily accept orphaned cubs. The nature show wouldn't have to raise the cub itself. Just find it a foster mom.

And if the cub was over 5 months old, it will be fine on its own.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
It'd be a lot better if we could kill the neighbor instead.

I was standing in line at Starbusk's this morning, waiting a half an hour or so for a coffee, thinking "Sheet, the whole 'dignity of humanity' thing is dead wrong." Its hard not to think Salinger hit the nail on the head when the chick next to you is yammering about how she's going to meet the man of her dreams at the Princeton in Avalon this Summer and the bevy of paralegals behind you is discussing bear claws and which potato salad they'll be bringing to the block party this memorial day. All I needed was a conversation about bingo or two 26 year olds discussing hot stock tips and I would have had a trifecta.

My local starbucks is sponsoring Bingo night on Thursdays. Maybe you'll want to go? The one at the Continental Club on Mondays is more fun, though. Beer and music always makes bingo more fun.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by leagleaze
Why didn't you just make a racoon pie?

We were plum outta cat food and figured they could use it more.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
Would you have preferred that we let them starve to death like the baby bear?

Apropos of both racoons and bears, I've seen city racoons that are small-bear sized. Bigger than a small labrador. Don't they know about Atkins?

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
This reminds me of the time my father in law and I had to dispose of a family of racoons that were living in a tree on the edge of their property.

Should I tell the story? It's actually pretty entertaining.

Unless the story ends with you nursing baby racoons into adulthood, I'd avoid it. I can't see this going over well.

(ETA:STP)

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Alex_de_Large
By that rationale, do you tell the 26 year olds swapping stock tips at Starbucks that BlowedUp.com is a shit company, or do you let them buy 1,000 shares?

I tell them I cover net platforms and that Goldman is taking Blowedup on a road show. I'd tell them to mortgage their children to buy it until they can buys no more.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
The piercing, high-pitched, desperate, trilled screams of a baby raccoon caught without shelter in a thunderstorm in the middle of the night. It sounds like distilled panic. Apparently rain + baby raccoon = bad thing.

Puppy screams are similar. My sister's dog is very good at making puppies under three months scream as if they're about to die. Usually he's just scared the crap out of them, but at least two required medical attention after he snapped at them (one got stitches, the other got a black eye). In my sister's dog's defense, when she picked him up as an 8 week old puppy, he had a cut over his right eye because his father didn't take kindly towards Holden's attempts at nursing. He's caught up in the cycle of abuse.

I've never heared anything worse than adorable, cute puppies screaming at the top of their lungs, convinced that the big monster is going to kill them. It's hard to figure out whether or not he's actually hurt them at first because they won't stop screaming for awhile.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Apropos of both racoons and bears, I've seen city racoons that are small-bear sized. Bigger than a small labrador. Don't they know about Atkins?

As if that would solve the problem.

Fat (well, not actually) sues Atkins and estate after clogging arteries with fatty foods.

Mmmmm, Bacon.

[AnotherSarcasticSock]

Originally posted by leagleaze
Why didn't you just make a racoon pie?

Because everyone knows that you make racoon casserole, not pie. Dumbass.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by bilmore
Unless the story ends with you nursing baby racoons into adulthood, I'd avoid it. I can't see this going over well.

(ETA:STP)

We have a lab/boxer mix. When he was about a year old we build a fenced dog run at the rear of our yard. Peanut weighs about 80 lbs. and was a very happy puppy.

Anyway, some unfortunate mommy rabbit births her litter under a tree about 5 feet outsine the fence. For about a week, one little tiny cute little rabbit would go to meet Peanut each day. He didn't eat them, he wanted to play by picking them up in his teeth and shaking them. Pretty soon they'd stop moving and he'd eventually drop them, done for the day. But it would happen again the next day- never 2 a day.

I was telling my secretary how sad it was, and she, showing folk wisdom beyond me, remarked "Not for Peanut!"

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

26 my ass. She looks at least mid-30s:

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
The piercing, high-pitched, desperate, trilled screams of a baby raccoon caught without shelter in a thunderstorm in the middle of the night. It sounds like distilled panic. Apparently rain + baby raccoon = bad thing.

Not as wonderful as the sound they make when shot with a pellet.

Fuck 'em. That's wat 'em gets for its mommy turning over my garbage.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
This reminds me of the time my father in law and I had to dispose of a family of racoons that were living in a tree on the edge of their property.

Should I tell the story? It's actually pretty entertaining.

I thought this said that you and your father-in-law deposed a bunch of raccoons and I was thinking about what a sick bastard you are. Carry on.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Warning: I am not responding EXACTLY, DIRECTLY to Sunny's post.

This is great. Please include on all tangental posts. Maybe you can devise a macro for it.