Missing the Paigow (et al.) [sniff]

[dtb]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
All men want to act childish and immature throughout their entire lives. That's why we like Howard Stern so much. We'd all act like him if we could. A life full of fart jokes, tits and spanking...I blame society.

This may be the most mature comment you've ever made.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by dtb
This may be the most mature comment you've ever made.

My vote is for "Your reign is over cork."

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Might I suggest the pre-work wake and bake? I had the good fortune to take a summer off a few years back while still technically working and showing up at the office. The mild morning bake (just a few hits, nothing to give you that heart-pounding "fuck-this-is-kind and my face feels really hot right now" sort of mild paranoia... just a few to put you on that "what a joke reality is" cloud) is a lot of fun when you know you're leaving and no one else does. Just be careful when offering the saccharine laugh at buffoonish office quips not to actually say out loud "God, you're a fucking idiot... how on earth did you manipulate the pencil through an entire SAT?") This will get you through a morning of surfing soft core porn and reading about the turn of the century Armenian genocide and Bon Scott's fateful last evening gargling Jack and deviled egg slurry in his 928 Turbo.
By lunch you're ready for a scotch (stay away from bourbon until your very last week... leave the "truth serum" for those final moments, when you offer your parting nuggets of wisdom).

Leave at 3:30. Repeat until "cured."

Oh, and burn the bridge. Leave charred toothpicklike remnants. Having left five jobs on "good terms," I can offer from experience that my greatest regret was not driving the orataory equivalent of a ball peen hammer through the forehead of several people I thought deserved it on the way out.* People will tell you take the high road, and that "its a small world." Nonsense. You're not coming back. If you can find a way to leave a Cleveland Steamer on the family portrait of one of the bigger jackasses you've suffered over the last decade, do so.

Petty, childish, immature? Absolutely. But when the fuck will you get the chance to let your freak flag fly that high?

* I did it once actually, but they defused it by actually listening and acknowledging my complaints.

No, the best thing would be to have your IQ lopped off at about 89 or so. I used to ride a bus with all the robots going to different daily nightmares and we were all grim and quiet- but the back of the bus was a group of retarded adults going to their "job" cleaning earphone/headsets for United Airlines, or whatever else work the state could jimmy up for them- thing is they were always happy and chatty and smiling.

Ever notice the only happy guy on PB is spank?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
My vote is for "Your reign is over cork."

You and paigow [sniff] have phenomenal memories. I can't even remember what I said five minutes ago.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
just a few hits, nothing to give you that heart-pounding "fuck-this-is-kind and my face feels really hot right now" sort of mild paranoia

You get this? I thought only girls got this. I take back my advice from last night. No trips to lysergia for you. You should probably also lay off the THC. In fact, you might want to give up all recreational substances, including drinking. You're not cut out for that sort of madness. Only by sheer force of will have you been able to convince youself that you have actually enjoyed your youthful benders. Even the soft blur of a half dozen scotches just leaves you feeling empty and cranky. If you're honest with yourself, you'll realize that what I say is true. It is time for you to look to something else. I think you should take up ultramarathons. Perfect sport for you. You'll be much happier when you're just getting high on life and America and endorphins. We'll miss you on this side, but it's all for the best.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
All men want to act childish and immature throughout their entire lives. Most of us have no desire to act like adults. That's why we like Howard Stern so much. We'd all act like him if we could. I don't even think he's particularly funny, but I wouldn't mind a life full of fart jokes, tits and spanking...I blame society.

Dissent, vigorously... thrashingly, as strenuously as practicable under the circumstances.

I strive for respect. I wish to be considered seriously, appreciated for my insight and intellect, my ability to cut through the issues and deliver the most precise analysis of the real meat of the issue at hand.

Like Henry Kissinger, or Larry King.

[pony_trekker]

Sorry, have been busy so haven't had a chance to chime in.

The absolute best tits ever in a mainstream movie:

Cerina Vincent in "Another Teen Movie"

AND

Ludvine Sagnier in "The Swimming Pool"


NOT SAFE FOR WORK, UNLESS YOU ARE LESS

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
You and paigow [sniff] have phenomenal memories. I can't even remember what I said five minutes ago.

You said:

"All men want to act childish and immature throughout their entire lives. Most of us have no desire to act like adults. That's why we like Howard Stern so much. We'd all act like him if we could. I don't even think he's particularly funny, but I wouldn't mind a life full of fart jokes, tits and spanking...I blame society."

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by dtb
This may be the most mature comment you've ever made.

Crap.

Flower is an exception to the general rule b/c it's fairly obvious he had a terrible childhood. As such, acting mature and condescending distances him from it. He isn't actually mature, but needs to act like he is, or else he's that same child. Unfortunately, his astonishing memory constantly reminds him of the wedgies, swirlies and that one time when the O'Doyle kid made him eat dog shit.

Flower is the opposite of Hank's happy retarded people.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
You get this? I thought only girls got this. I take back my advice from last night. No trips to lysergia for you. You should probably also lay off the THC. In fact, you might want to give up all recreational substances, including drinking. You're not cut out for that sort of madness. Only by sheer force of will have you been able to convince youself that you have actually enjoyed your youthful benders. Even the soft blur of a half dozen scotches just leaves you feeling empty and cranky. If you're honest with yourself, you'll realize that what I say is true. It is time for you to look to something else. I think you should take up ultramarathons. Perfect sport for you. You'll be much happier when you're just getting high on life and America and endorphins. We'll miss you on this side, but it's all for the best.

Its the best part of the ride. You don't enjoy the sudden "Oh, my... I should feel like this at my engagement party" sort of thing? Its like a mild apprehension you get when a pile of those really strong Oregon mushrooms get you by the short hairs for 5 or so minutes on the way up...

Only a king liar would profess he's never been overcooked.

Wait a minute... How do you even know the phenonomenon exists? Damn you, Flower.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Its the best part of the ride. You don't enjoy the sudden "Oh, my... I should feel like this at my engagement party" sort of thing?

I can't imagine PLF enjoying anything.

[dtb]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
No, the best thing would be to have your IQ lopped off at about 89 or so.

In my household, we refer to those happy sorts as the "double-digiters" (or DDs for short).

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by dtb
In my household, we refer to those happy sorts as the "double-digiters" (or DDs for short).

Now d, don't overgeneralize- 100 is no magic number- I said 89 is bad, but a 95 IQ is perfectly fine.


(emember-ray ower-flay is-ay ere-hay oday-tay)

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I can't imagine PLF enjoying anything.

In a way, you are correct, although the facile psychobabble you ascribe as causation for who I am is off the mark. But I understand you are struggling to understand something that you, ultimately, will never be able to understand. It is true that I do not enjoy things in the manner that I think you do. For example, I am a decent cook and have developed a sophisticated palate and have learned a lot about food, but not out of any passion for the subject. Instead, I have learned that this knowledge and expertise will serve me well when conversing with colleagues, cooking for houseguests, courting potential mates. As for the third of these three, the ultimate objective is, of course, to engage in sexual relations. I find this enjoyable, I suppose, but again not out of any passion for the act. Instead, I understand that engaging in sexual acts will help achieve a physical and chemical release that increases efficiency in other aspects of my life and helps keep me mentally and physicaly healthy. Don't get me wrong -- I do not perform the act robotically. I have learned to be tender, giving, reciprocating, and act the part of the lover, the lustful youth, whatever the occasions requires. The problem most men experience is that they become impatient pre-act, and bored thereafter. But I do not experience boredom or the related emotion impatience -- I am just as happy to engage in the small talk, showering of affections, cuddling, whatever as I am to mountain bike, watch TV, etc. They are just additional aspects of the lovemaking process for me, no more or less important than the actual orgasm. And although I have to say that I would never choose your life among the happy back-of-the-bus retards, I do admit to curiosity, for it strikes me that these happy retards are, in fact, genuinely happy, or at least as happy as their diminished capacity allows. And sometimes I wonder what that is like.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by LessinSF
T-minus mere days until I give notice. The anticipation and excitement is palpable. I so did not want to report to work yesterday following porn, gambling, drugs, and booze in Vegas. I want to be able to abuse myself with complete reckless abandon and sleep as long as I want the next day. I may become that "dude with the 40 at 7:30 a.m. by the train station," so look for me.

BTW, put Siena's Palio race on your list of parties. I think it's in July and then again in August. Hint: Don't watch the race from inside the track, or else you'll be stuck there for 5 hours.