General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
My reluctance to have kids is no doubt my legitimate fear of producing more mes.

I believe it was one of the banned socks who first said "more fringeys!"

Or maybe that was robust puppies. But anyways, nothing wrong with more fringies. Much less frightening idea that more sebbies or paigows, right?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
more fringeys! Much less frightening idea tha[n] more sebbies or paigows, right?

Toss-up.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by ltl/fb

Edit: Damn you people. I have been informed by PM that the above sentence is "inappropriate" in light of the "happy" event. Let's just say I have my reasons, and Mr. McFlintyflintflint is well aware of them.

But, given that you people have all decided to have kids (and some actually have them) congratulations to all of you on all the blessed events. My reluctance to have kids is no doubt my legitimate fear of producing more mes. But you are all fantabulous people, so mazel tov.*

*I don't know if I am using this term correctly, but I felt I needed an ending.

Hey, I wasn't offended. It takes a village, right? And every village has a jealous monkey lover, right? Anyone? Bueller?

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by baltassoc
First, congrats.

I'll give one random piece of advice. If the little monkey will be headed to daycare sometime in the first year, check out places NOW. Many centers have waiting lists, especially for the youngest rooms (after they're a year old its actually a little easier). But more importantly, you can take some time to look at the center before the kid comes. Afterward, either the kid is in tow, or you're worried about whomever is taking care of him. We followed this advice, and then had to find a new place anyway because of some changes at the daycare and at home. It was great to not have to worry about where they would be going when they were very little, but a big pain to find a new place.

Oh, and read the books before you burn them. But burn them. The greatest piece of advice I received was this: whatever you do, the kid will think is normal.

Actually, that's great advice, and something I really haven't thought about--since it takes a bit of long term foresight and I'm lacking in that respect. I'll be sure to start looking--thanks!

Flinty

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
It takes a village, right?

Does that mean I get to babysit and imprint my behavior on the little monkey as normal? Cool!

[tmdiva]

Re: labor and birthing, one word: doula. I didn't have one and later wished I did.

Re: breastfeeding, I might give it longer than six weeks. For us, it took about three months before it was completely easy and automatic. The first week, in which Magnus screamed bloody murder every time I tried to feed him, and we ended up feeding him pumped milk via syringe, was particularly hellish. And I didn't even have cracked and bleeding nipples like my sister! Unless you have a serious problem (e.g. insufficient glandular tissue), breastfeeding is worth all the trouble in the long run. Even if you think you won't stick it out past, say, four months, some breastfeeding is better for baby than no breastfeeding.

Re: family coming to stay, it all depends on the family. I had a houseful (my mom, both inlaws plus my mil's mother), and didn't have to lift a finger. My mom cooked and cleaned, my mil and her mother unpacked all my boxes from moving four weeks before giving birth, and my fil rebuilt the front porch railing. They all got along great (our moms were friends since college, so there was no mil-mil tension), and were amazingly good-natured about being awakened every few hours every night (see feeding-as-torture, above).

Sleep now.

tm

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by tmdiva

Re: family coming to stay, it all depends on the family. I had a houseful (my mom, both inlaws plus my mil's mother), and didn't have to lift a finger. My mom cooked and cleaned, my mil and her mother unpacked all my boxes from moving four weeks before giving birth, and my fil rebuilt the front porch railing. They all got along great (our moms were friends since college, so there was no mil-mil tension), and were amazingly good-natured about being awakened every few hours every night (see feeding-as-torture, above).

Sleep now.

tm

My parents agree that my mom's post-partum depression lifted as soon as her mother and his mother left the house. Sadly for my parents, that was about three weeks after my birth.

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
My parents agree that my mom's post-partum depression lifted as soon as her mother and his mother left the house. Sadly for my parents, that was about three weeks after my birth.

I have no intentions of having anyone stay at the house. Most thankfully, Mr. Lex's psycho-family is out of state. My mom will come over, but she's about 30min away, so no need to stay overnight.

-TL

[cheval de frise]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
I'm not freaking out yet, but I'm just so inexperienced that other than knowing I love the little monkey and the momma monkey, I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to be thinking about or doing. We've got the room and most of the goods ready, we have the books (including the one AG wants to go Fahrenheit 451 on), we're just lacking in knowledge and experience. But, I think, that may be half the adventure of parenting.

Congratulations! I don't have much to add to everyone else's excellent advice, but fwiw:

(1) the most important piece of advice: at first, sleep when the baby sleeps. Don't worry about cleaning up, doing other things, etc. when the baby is napping. You (and particularly mommy monkey, if she's breast-feeding) will be exhausted at first. Don't make it worse than it has to be.

(2) this may sound counter-intuitive, but if you can avoid it, don't have family visit immediately. Give yourselves a week or two after little Flinty is home from the hospital to acclimate a little bit to the new dynamic, get used to the new routine/lack of sleep, etc. And when family does come, see if you can stagger their arrivals so you don't have 5 or 6 people visiting you for a whirlwind week, then departing, leaving you completely alone. You'll be seriously sleep-deprived for at least the first 6-8 weeks. If momma monkey is breast-feeding every couple of hours around the clock, you both (but especially she) will be at the end of your ropes. It's heaven to be able to have a family member (or doula) watch the kid while you sleep more than you otherwise would, or leave the monkey cage just to get some fresh air and a sanity break. Staggering family visits means you have helping hands around longer, with less stress associated with having everyone there at the same time.

(3) occasional crying jags are normal. Occasionally, the little monkey may cry for a half an hour or forty-five minutes in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. If it gets too much to take, put the little monkey down in the bassinet/crib and leave the room for five minutes. Take turns with mommy monkey. Give each other breaks.

(4) the first time you see red-brick looking crystals in the diaper, in the first couple of weeks, don't panic. It's just a normal side effect of mild dehydration. This is particularly apt to happen about a week after birth, since the mother's milk doesn't come in for several days and the little one will lose weight during this time (this is completely normal). Don't try to supplement the baby's feeding at this point with water or a bottle if you're breast-feeding; that may interfere with breast latch-on and cause nipple confusion.

(5) make sure the little one starts getting daily experience with a bottle around 6-8 weeks of age, even if mommy monkey has been exclusively breastfeeding up to that point. We didn't do this the way we should have, and little chevy now won't take a bottle. It puts a real crimp in your ability to go out and do things, either with or without the little one, and it means you have to wait to have that flexibility until s/he's weaned to the cup.

Best of luck and congratulations again!

CDF

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by cheval de frise
(4) the first time you see red-brick looking crystals in the diaper, in the first couple of weeks, don't panic. It's just a normal side effect of mild dehydration. This is particularly apt to happen about a week after birth, since the mother's milk doesn't come in for several days and the little one will lose weight during this time (this is completely normal). Don't try to supplement the baby's feeding at this point with water or a bottle if you're breast-feeding; that may interfere with breast latch-on and cause nipple confusion.

Do this in constant consultation with your ped. A friend's baby was, unknown to all, having trouble latching, and the ped set the first appointment too far out --- a month, I think. So the kid wasn't getting anything for two weeks, and no one knew, until the kid had seizures and had to be helicoptered to the nearest med center. Thankfully, no long term damage, but the mom was a wreck.

If you see red crystals in the diaper, don't freak, but check for all other symptoms of dehydration (flaccid skin that doesn't return after pinching; lethargy; there are others).

Pay for two in-home visits from a lactation consultant. Once upon a time, teaching how to nurse occurred mother-to-daughter, but most of our generation was raised on bottles and Mom don't know dick about it anymore.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Pay for two in-home visits from a lactation consultant. Once upon a time, teaching how to nurse occurred mother-to-daughter, but most of our generation was raised on bottles and Mom don't know dick about it anymore.

Well, even having a mother who breastfed isn't a guarantee she will be able to give helpful advice. My mom, when asked, said, "I don't know, I just did it." Okay, whatever.

Someone else I know, a mother of nine, helped a family member (sister or daughter, I can't remember) by showing the baby how to latch on on herself, then handing the newly-educated baby back to mom. Some folks get really squicked out by the idea of a baby nursing at the breast of someone other than its birth mother, but that sounded to me like a very efficient way to solve the problem.

tm

[cheval de frise]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Do this in constant consultation with your ped.

Yes, obviously. But during the 4-6 hours that it takes the ped. to call you back (at least in NY), don't freak. And, from experience, it's fairly clear when the little one is having trouble latching on. The suggestion of in-home visits from a lactation consultant is an excellent one, though.

One important note: at some point near the two-month point, if mommy monkey is breastfeeding, she will probably suspect that she isn't producing enough milk. If the baby is latching on properly and generating wet diapers, along with yellow-mustard stool, don't freak out and assume that you have to start supplementing with formula. This tends to lead to early weaning. The thing that makes breasts make more milk (unless you're taking certain herbs or drugs, which your doctor can prescribe or recommend), is the baby's sucking. Babies go through growth spurts. The first one seems to occur, commonly, at about six weeks (judging by what the women in Chevette's new moms group have said). A lot of women assume that b/c of crying and constant suckling, the little one isn't getting enough, and start using a bottle with formula. It takes a few days for the breasts to catch up and start producing more milk. Assuming sufficient glandular tissue, though, most women can breastfeed twins. Let nature do its work. You can also use a pump; those help quite a bit.

Two purchase recommendations: a breast pump (preferably electric), if mommy will be breastfeeding, and a nursing pillow (boppy or other; different people have different preferences depending on torso length, nursing position/chair, etc.). My wife often used the couch pillows once little chevy got the hang of things. FWIW, the boppy is great as a support pillow when the little one is learning to sit.

Always consult with the pediatrician, but be aware that not everything new is automatically an emergency. Relax and you'll get through it. We all tend to get very uptight (naturally), and that's a good thing. Just don't let it get to you too much.

CDF (The red-brick crystals thing comes from personal freak-out experience.)

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by tmdiva
Well, even having a mother who breastfed isn't a guarantee she will be able to give helpful advice. My mom, when asked, said, "I don't know, I just did it." Okay, whatever.

Someone else I know, a mother of nine, helped a family member (sister or daughter, I can't remember) by showing the baby how to latch on on herself, then handing the newly-educated baby back to mom. Some folks get really squicked out by the idea of a baby nursing at the breast of someone other than its birth mother, but that sounded to me like a very efficient way to solve the problem.

tm

Okay, this sounds totally squicky to me. I would freak if someone did that with my kid.

Breastfeeding is a learned art. Both mommy and baby learn at the same time.

I remember when they first brought the Brazenette into the recovery room and asked me if I'd like to nurse her. I remember thinking YES and NO spontaneously. Yes, because I was full of love and motherly feelings for this little mewing thing, and No because I had no earthly idea how to even begin.

Brazenette never really nursed in the hospital. The nurses kept trying to get me to allow them to give her a bottle of formula or sugar water. I refused to allow them to do so. I am glad I stood my ground.

I recently sat in the Brazenette's room, nursing her just before bed, thinking how amazing it was that what was so difficult at first has become so effortless.

[soup sandwich]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
I recently sat in the Brazenette's room, nursing her just before bed, thinking how amazing it was that what was so difficult at first has become so effortless.

Something to keep in mind of course is that certain babies, for a variety of reasons, simply will not latch on ever.

My first daughter was like this. We went through two lactation consultants, did the whole pump and then feed with an eye-dropper routine, and basically kept at it until our doctor ordered us to go to formula. Knowing my oldest for two years now, in hindsight I think she simply didn't have the patience for breast feeding.

In contrast, daughter #2 has doen spectacularly with breast feeding. But she's a much more mellow kid.

[lookingformarket]

Originally posted by cheval de frise
Yes, obviously. But during the 4-6 hours that it takes the ped. to call you back (at least in NY), don't freak. And, from experience, it's fairly clear when the little one is having trouble latching on. The suggestion of in-home visits from a lactation consultant is an excellent one, though.

My pediatrician would be fired if it took 4-6 hours to return my call about my newborn.