Missing the Paigow (et al.) [sniff]

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
When I'm 70 or so I'm going to see the Pyramids- that way if I get attacked and killed I was already old anyway.

Sooner, I'm going to start renting some townhouse in a great city for a month or two, Manhatten and SF will be the first 2. I can fake my practice short term from there and live like I had picked a real city for my career.

And yes I know how pathetic this sounds to those who live there every day.

Move to Philly. You can suck down five or six nitrous balloons every half hour and still come off as smart as the average resident.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Taking a long time to get to the punchline of a joke doesn't automatically make it eligible for theme-status. So let's nip this one in the bud here and now.

TM

I only hope that whoever stole the Thurgreed sock on judged is more accepting.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Have you ever seen Black Hawk Down? The beaches in Somalia look nice.

And you can get a fivesome for $20, or a Discman.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Move to Philly. You can suck down five or six nitrous balloons every half hour and still come off as smart as the average resident.

I love Philly but it has two very old, very Jewish reasons I wouldn't go there for a month.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Move to Philly. You can suck down five or six nitrous balloons every half hour and still come off as smart as the average resident.

Are they happy?

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Are they happy?

How couldn't they be? Great tax structure, excellent schools, wonderful culture, vibrant economy...

Philly's pregnant with promise... tomorrow's staring us in the eye like a huge, throbbing hard-on of opportunity. We're just a money shot away!

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Are they happy?

Even Cary Tennis is getting in on the dumb people action today. No word as to whether the dumb model son might want to clean United's headsets once his looks have faded.

Dear Cary,

My wife is having fits over the fact that our son dropped out of college after only a few weeks. Her unusually tense behavior has been wrecking our home for two months now. She pouts, can't sleep, bugs me, even threatens to leave. She says she is so disappointed that her son is just a lazy, no-good quitter.

I say he is just too stupid.

And I know stupid. I teach high school. Nineteen years old, our son has never shown any real imagination, wit, curiosity, depth, ingenuity, initiative or sensitivity. He did manage to graduate from high school, but it may have been the letters I sent to all his teachers and principal begging them to pass him. I only wish he were more vivacious, more lively, had more spark in the eye.

Nonetheless, I love him with all my might. But I think my wife has fallen out of love with him. She hates him even. And her near-constant anger -- something fairly new around our home -- is making me think about leaving her. (I said think about leaving.) In our discussions I say stuff like, "Junior is having trouble right now passing his written driver's test. Do you expect him to appreciate and write long research papers on college-level literature, art and music?" She says, "He can at least try!"

Then my wife blames me, says I'm too lazy. I should kick his butt and make him study. And I would if I knew there was something, one iota of curiosity, in the boy. But there isn't, so I gave up.

Our son is very handsome; he even makes some pocket money from modeling for fashion magazines. I think if I encourage this modeling thing he can make friends in the biz, and hopefully find some niche there. But his mother says that's a pipe dream. He'll never have success without college. Fine, I say, but he'll never graduate from college.

Oh, what should we do?

I Love My Dummy

Dear Dummy Lover,

What should you do? Well, what can you do? It sounds as if about all you can do right now is encourage your son's modeling career.

I went to high school with Janice Dickinson. I don't remember her name being called when they handed out the Westinghouse Science Scholarships, but things turned out OK. At least she's got a TV show -- or did have a TV show and then didn't have a TV show and now has a new TV show -- details, details. She never struck me as dumb at all, actually; she was just hard to handle. Still is, apparently, judging from the gossip columns. She also, if I recall, had an original and rather salty way with the mother tongue that was quite refreshing at the time.

Point is, you've got to use what you've got, and if you've got good bones, you'd better use them.

It sounds as if this is really tough on your wife. I wonder what else this is about for her. There's bound to be all kinds of things roiling up in her pretty little head. (She's where the good looks probably come from, right?) You might try asking her, and doing some thinking on your own, to figure it out. I mean, what are her weak spots? What are her vulnerabilities that this could be aggravating? Could it be some kind of social shame that's got her all twisted up? Does she cover up for disappointment with anger? Is this her style of struggling to accept a letdown? Has she been harboring this feeling for a long time that you're too lenient? She probably has all kinds of complicated feelings about her boy.

So do you, obviously.

I think your hard, strange tenderness is just wonderful, by the way; kind of poetic like something in a Raymond Carver story. You've got to admit it's a little unnerving for a father to just flat-out admit his son is as dumb as a sack of hammers. But it's refreshingly realistic, too.

I was in fact very moved by your letter; I talked to my wife about it while we were out walking the dogs in the rain. She said that while one can't hardly discriminate against anybody these days it's still pretty much OK to make fun of dumb people, and she finds that kind of sad. I do too. It's not their fault they're dumb. Like my dad says, 50 percent of the people are below average. And where do we get off thinking we're any better just because we're smart? Teachers are smart, and people in the media are usually smart. But that doesn't give us the right to look down on anybody. We just got lucky.

Models are better looking than we are and they always will be. That doesn't give them the right to look down on us, either. I suspect that some of them do anyway. Maybe that's just because they're dumb.

(from www.salon.com)

[LessinSF]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Might I suggest the pre-work wake and bake? ...

I can't explain it, but I just don't like pot much. I'm not social. If I am at a party, I hide in the corner and just watch and listen. In fact, I can barely watch TV or movies well, as I tend to fall asleep. And there are few people more repulsive to me than the obvious, total stoner - with the glazed look, dready hair, funky smell, and incoherent speech patterns. Ironic that I am starting my "Festivals" retirement trip in Amsterdam and ending at Burning man, then, isn't? [insert "Clerks" quote here].

By lunch you're ready for a scotch ...

No doubt that the end will entail liquid lunches. Too bad the only choices in walking distance to me are Chevy's and Trader Vic's.

Oh, and burn the bridge. ... You're not coming back. ...
* I did it once actually, but they defused it by actually listening and acknowledging my complaints.

I am going for a modified version of this. Not the full reverse, double 2 and 1/2 tuck, but more of a swan dive. The problem is that I want to be able to get contract/part-time work from them at times. So, I am going to present the theme of "I think you are going to lose the other senior counsel, and then the business, and fail when you finally achieved your chance at the brass ring unless you make serious changes" and those discussing those changes will be my chance to complain and vent.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by LessinSF
I can't explain it, but I just don't like pot much. I'm not social. If I am at a party, I hide in the corner and just watch and listen. In fact, I can barely watch TV or movies well, as I tend to fall asleep. And there are few people more repulsive to me than the obvious, total stoner - with the glazed look, dready hair, funky smell, and incoherent speech patterns. Ironic that I am starting my "Festivals" retirement trip in Amsterdam and ending at Burning man, then, isn't? [insert "Clerks" quote here].

In that case, don't listen to Flower when he suggests you should add the annual Hajj Stoning Ritual to your list of parties.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
In that case, don't listen to Flower when he suggests you should add the annual Hajj Stoning Ritual to your list of parties.

I try to be sensitive to the beliefs of others, but I just finished reading an article about the stampede, but like judged.com, they are completely whacked!

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Even Cary Tennis is getting in on the dumb people action today. No word as to whether the dumb model son might want to clean United's headsets once his looks have faded.


(from www.salon.com)

I LOVE MY DUMB GAY SON!

[ThurgreedMarshall]

This has to be the dumbest thing I've heard an athlete say in many, many years (and that's saying something):

'The AFC divisional playoff game Sunday at the RCA Dome is a rematch of the Steelers' 26-7 Monday night loss on Nov. 28, but Porter was unimpressed by the Colts' play in that game.

"They don't want to just sit there, line up and play football," Porter told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "They want to try to catch you off guard. They don't want to play smash-mouth football, they want to trick you. ... They want to catch you substituting. Know what I mean? They don't want to just call a play, get up there and run a play. They want to make you think. They want it to be a thinking game instead of a football game."

He called Edgerrin James' 124 yards in the November matchup a "cheap 100," and said the Colts couldn't line up and run straight at the Steelers defense.

"I don't think they outhit us," Porter told the paper. "If they would have outhit us, they would have just lined up, and they wouldn't have done all the audibles every play. If you want to outhit us, line up and play football. That's when you outhit us. Line up, you get your people, we got our eight men in the box, run the ball."'

Translation: Porter no like tricky, small guys. Skill? What skill mean? Hurt Porter's brain. Porter confused. Porter SMASH them ALL if Porter could catch them. But small guys fast. Porter tired. Porter take short rest, then Porter smash.

Porter's take on other sports:

Boxing
Muhammad Ali was a pussy. Float like a butterfly? Sting like a bee? No. Smash like drunken elephant. What's with all the bobbing and weaving? Take the punch and then punch back. If boxing were a sport for men, they would simply stand there and exchange punches without flinching and the winner would be the one who didn't die.

Baseball
What is with all these off-speed pitches? Why do you keep trying to trick me with curve balls, splitters and the biggest pussy pitch, the knuckle ball? If you were a real man, you would throw it as hard as you could every time. Your last 100 strikeouts were 'soft' strikeouts, wimp.

Basketball
Jordan can suck it. If it's not a dunk on someone's head, it shouldn't even count. And what's with this dribbling requirement? Hold the ball with both hands, come right at me as fast you can and try to power slam it or go play badminton. Punk ass.

TM

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by LessinSF
I can't explain it, but I just don't like pot much. I'm not social. If I am at a party, I hide in the corner and just watch and listen. In fact, I can barely watch TV or movies well, as I tend to fall asleep.

2.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
This has to be the dumbest thing I've heard an athlete say in many, many years (and that's saying something):

'The AFC divisional playoff game Sunday at the RCA Dome is a rematch of the Steelers' 26-7 Monday night loss on Nov. 28, but Porter was unimpressed by the Colts' play in that game.

"They don't want to just sit there, line up and play football," Porter told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "They want to try to catch you off guard. They don't want to play smash-mouth football, they want to trick you. ... They want to catch you substituting. Know what I mean? They don't want to just call a play, get up there and run a play. They want to make you think. They want it to be a thinking game instead of a football game."

He called Edgerrin James' 124 yards in the November matchup a "cheap 100," and said the Colts couldn't line up and run straight at the Steelers defense.

"I don't think they outhit us," Porter told the paper. "If they would have outhit us, they would have just lined up, and they wouldn't have done all the audibles every play. If you want to outhit us, line up and play football. That's when you outhit us. Line up, you get your people, we got our eight men in the box, run the ball."'

Translation: Porter no like tricky, small guys. Skill? What skill mean? Hurt Porter's brain. Porter confused. Porter SMASH them ALL if Porter could catch them. But small guys fast. Porter tired. Porter take short rest, then Porter smash.

Porter's take on other sports:

Boxing
Muhammad Ali was a pussy. Float like a butterfly? Sting like a bee? No. Smash like drunken elephant. What's with all the bobbing and weaving? Take the punch and then punch back. If boxing were a sport for men, they would simply stand there and exchange punches without flinching and the winner would be the one who didn't die.

Baseball
What is with all these off-speed pitches? Why do you keep trying to trick me with curve balls, splitters and the biggest pussy pitch, the knuckle ball? If you were a real man, you would throw it as hard as you could every time. Your last 100 strikeouts were 'soft' strikeouts, wimp.

Basketball
Jordan can suck it. If it's not a dunk on someone's head, it shouldn't even count. And what's with this dribbling requirement? Hold the ball with both hands, come right at me as fast you can and try to power slam it or go play badminton. Punk ass.

TM

Posts like these are the reason why I put up with your constant bullying and whining.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by LessinSF
I can't explain it, but I just don't like pot much. I'm not social. If I am at a party, I hide in the corner and just watch and listen. In fact, I can barely watch TV or movies well, as I tend to fall asleep. And there are few people more repulsive to me than the obvious, total stoner - with the glazed look, dready hair, funky smell, and incoherent speech patterns. Ironic that I am starting my "Festivals" retirement trip in Amsterdam and ending at Burning man, then, isn't? [insert "Clerks" quote here].

I wished that I lived in a society where pot was the drug of choice, not alcohol. I don't get a hangover, or the munchies, or paranoia (ok, once, but that was the strongest and nastiest stuff ever), just pleasant buzzed happiness. I am the ambassador of goodwill to the magic island of maui waui.