General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by Trepidation_Mom
Trepidation Dad has this concern, too. He says he's felt this way ever since seeing the infamous childbirth film in health class in high school, but since blabbing the joyous news to his sports team buddies (to many cries of "3 months? I saw your wife about 3 months ago yukk yukk yukk"), he's also talked to a number of the dads on the team about it. He said a surprisingly large proportion of them told him of their distress at having been in the birthing room, having found the whole thing unforgettably disgusting, and then not even being able to talk to their wives about it because they are supposed to be happy about having shared such a magical moment.

One said it was so bad he often can't get it up with his wife anymore because sex with her makes him think about it (which seems an unacceptable outcome to even risk). One said his relationship deteriorated greatly after telling his partner that he didn't want to be present for the birth of his second child after having been pretty traumatized by the first. Besides the gross-out factor, there was one guy who said he hasn't been able to feel comfortable around his wife for several years since she (reportedly) grabbed his nuts while she was in labor and squeezed screaming "you bastard, this is all your fault!!!"

Maybe I should get him a log-in here. Of the dad-friends he's discussed this with, he said that even those who didn't think it was actually a mistake to be present merely said it wasn't that bad (and called the complainers "little girly-men" - it's a team). No one recommended it as an experience.

Perhaps I should clarify that Trepidation Dad's sports team is disproportionately Scottish, Finnish and South American.

(Hope I'm living up to my moniker.)

It is the most beautiful moment in the world.

I barely even noticed when a tube got pulled off the needle in my wife's arm and she bled all over me.

And I am usually sensitive to such things.

But it is a moment not to be missed. Tell these Dads that you know men are wimps, but try to cowboy up for a couple hours.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Trepidation_Mom
He said a surprisingly large proportion of them told him of their distress at having been in the birthing room, having found the whole thing unforgettably disgusting, and then not even being able to talk to their wives about it because they are supposed to be happy about having shared such a magical moment.

His teammates are full of shit. This is a magical confluence of real fear and pain, squeamishness about female genitalia, and a love of top-this gross-out stories in the male subculture (see, for example, my prior post).

Anyone who claims to have permanently lost desire for their spouse b/c of witnessing childbirth either had yoni or spouse issues going into the childbirth enterprise.*

*I would love to see some kind of scientific comparison of lost libido resulting from childbirth versus witnessing some other kind of non-genital spousal physical trauma, like a compound fracture in an accident. It's not a fun thing to be reminded that the object of your sexual desire is basically a very vulnerable leather bag filled with meat and bone, and that's got nothing to do with the yoni.

Originally posted by Trepidation_Mom
Trepidation Dad has this concern, too. He says he's felt this way ever since seeing the infamous childbirth film in health class in high school, but since blabbing the joyous news to his sports team buddies (to many cries of "3 months? I saw your wife about 3 months ago yukk yukk yukk"), he's also talked to a number of the dads on the team about it. He said a surprisingly large proportion of them told him of their distress at having been in the birthing room, having found the whole thing unforgettably disgusting, and then not even being able to talk to their wives about it because they are supposed to be happy about having shared such a magical moment.

One said it was so bad he often can't get it up with his wife anymore because sex with her makes him think about it (which seems an unacceptable outcome to even risk). One said his relationship deteriorated greatly after telling his partner that he didn't want to be present for the birth of his second child after having been pretty traumatized by the first. Besides the gross-out factor, there was one guy who said he hasn't been able to feel comfortable around his wife for several years since she (reportedly) grabbed his nuts while she was in labor and squeezed screaming "you bastard, this is all your fault!!!"

Maybe I should get him a log-in here. Of the dad-friends he's discussed this with, he said that even those who didn't think it was actually a mistake to be present merely said it wasn't that bad (and called the complainers "little girly-men" - it's a team). No one recommended it as an experience.

Perhaps I should clarify that Trepidation Dad's sports team is disproportionately Scottish, Finnish and South American.

(Hope I'm living up to my moniker.)

The outcome of dad's gross-out (impaired relationships with mom, guilt, etc) seems to me more about how the couple deals with it than about how gross it is. I think its terrifying on a different level for dads. Mom doesn't see herself bleeding, and has her own body to tell her whether to be alarmed or not. Dad's just looking at what seems to be a life-threatening situation for the woman he loves (even if he knows that's not true, sometimes there's a lot of blood), and freaks out a little. If you're able to talk about that afterward, and understand that its not about how much he loves the baby, I don't think you'd face those same issues.

Plus, Trepidation Dad is listening to men talking to men. Mr. Turtle's stories to other men were awful, but there was no mistaking his expression when he held the bloody mess for the first time. And he came back for more.

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

In preparation for our first, I've been watching "Maternity Ward" on TLC, usually with the encouragement of Mrs. Panda. I have the feeling that a lot of what goes on is left on the cutting room floor. Anyone seen this show? How close is it, and what don't they tell you about?

Originally posted by Sexual Harassment Panda
In preparation for our first, I've been watching "Maternity Ward" on TLC, usually with the encouragement of Mrs. Panda.

Honey, is that you?

MW shows a lot of high risk births and births with lots of unkown factors (they seem to have a lot of mothers with no prenatal care or with various addictions, etc.), so in that respect, I think it is more dramatic than your run-o-the mill baby hatching. The part that they obviously can't show - that mom has been in labor for 20+hrs - is a whole other level of unpleaseantness that they don't convey. They do not typically show delivery of the placenta, which is pretty gross, but not traumatic to mom. Other than that, they seem to show pretty much everything - blood and goo and all - except the actual baby emerging, which may be the problem for a lot of dads. Mr. Lex has watched the show - he is really freaked by the c-sections and how they always pull baby out by the head and then wave her around like a rag doll.

-TL

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by TexLex
Honey, is that you?

MW shows a lot of high risk births and births with lots of unkown factors (they seem to have a lot of mothers with no prenatal care or with various addictions, etc.), so in that respect, I think it is more dramatic than your run-o-the mill baby hatching. The part that they obviously can't show - that mom has been in labor for 20+hrs - is a whole other level of unpleaseantness that they don't convey. They do not typically show delivery of the placenta, which is pretty gross, but not traumatic to mom. Other than that, they seem to show pretty much everything - blood and goo and all - except the actual baby emerging, which may be the problem for a lot of dads. Mr. Lex has watched the show - he is really freaked by the c-sections and how they always pull baby out by the head and then wave her around like a rag doll.

-TL

You all make it sound so wonderful. It was much better than Cats, I'm going to see it again and again.

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
You all make it sound so wonderful. It was much better than Cats, I'm going to see it again and again.

You know you want to see it. Monday nights - 8 or 9:00 (I forget which) on TLC. If it's too much (wuss), you can tape "A Baby Story" on TLC at 8 and 8:30 a.m. - much tamer visually. -TL

[soup sandwich]

Originally posted by TexLex
Mr. Lex has watched the show - he is really freaked by the c-sections and how they always pull baby out by the head and then wave her around like a rag doll.
-TL

I recently got to watch Soupette#2 emerge from my wife's abdomen. As I was standing near my wife's head, seeing the baby emerge just a bit north of where it's supposed to come out didn't seem visually odd.

But the really wild part is when they took my wife's uterus out (I suppose, since they got her all opended up anyway, the docs take the opportunity to check her uterus and ovaries for any malignancies), flipped it around a few times, pointed her ovaries out to me, dried it off, and then stuffed it back in. Good times.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by soup sandwich
But the really wild part is when they took my wife's uterus out (I suppose, since they got her all opended up anyway, the docs take the opportunity to check her uterus and ovaries for any malignancies), flipped it around a few times, pointed her ovaries out to me, dried it off, and then stuffed it back in. Good times.

Look for some Australian to bring "Puppetry of the Uterus" to some off-off-Broadway venue near you.

[Trepidation_Mom]

Originally posted by soup sandwich
I recently got to watch Soupette#2 emerge from my wife's abdomen. As I was standing near my wife's head, seeing the baby emerge just a bit north of where it's supposed to come out didn't seem visually odd.

But the really wild part is when they took my wife's uterus out (I suppose, since they got her all opended up anyway, the docs take the opportunity to check her uterus and ovaries for any malignancies), flipped it around a few times, pointed her ovaries out to me, dried it off, and then stuffed it back in. Good times.

Holy shit. Now I don't even want to be in the room.

That'll be one spinal block and a side of morphine drip, please. Wake me when the hairdresser comes.

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Originally posted by TexLex
Honey, is that you?

Maybe. What did we have for dinner last night??

MW shows a lot of high risk births and births with lots of unkown factors (they seem to have a lot of mothers with no prenatal care or with various addictions, etc.), so in that respect, I think it is more dramatic than your run-o-the mill baby hatching. The part that they obviously can't show - that mom has been in labor for 20+hrs - is a whole other level of unpleaseantness that they don't convey. They do not typically show delivery of the placenta, which is pretty gross, but not traumatic to mom. Other than that, they seem to show pretty much everything - blood and goo and all - except the actual baby emerging, which may be the problem for a lot of dads. Mr. Lex has watched the show - he is really freaked by the c-sections and how they always pull baby out by the head and then wave her around like a rag doll.
-TL

Thanks. I think I'll be able to handle the majority of it, but I want to know going in what's the worst thing I could see (excluding stuff that I don't want to think about, like any danger to Mrs. Panda or to the little Panda.)

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Originally posted by soup sandwich
I recently got to watch Soupette#2 emerge from my wife's abdomen. As I was standing near my wife's head, seeing the baby emerge just a bit north of where it's supposed to come out didn't seem visually odd.

But the really wild part is when they took my wife's uterus out (I suppose, since they got her all opended up anyway, the docs take the opportunity to check her uterus and ovaries for any malignancies), flipped it around a few times, pointed her ovaries out to me, dried it off, and then stuffed it back in. Good times.

I hope you kept the camcorder running through the whole thing.

[cheval de frise]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
It is the most beautiful moment in the world....Tell these Dads that you know men are wimps, but try to cowboy up for a couple hours.

Amen.

(I'll forego the graphic details. They come with the territory, and I didn't find them disconcerting. So what if real life is a little bit messy? )

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

OK, my 10 year old daughter was offered a modeling contract (unsolicited, out of the blue, nothing she'd ever even thought about doing before). Daddy said no. She expressed mild disappointment and moved on, no big deal. But I keep worrying about whether I did the right thing. Any thoughts?

[purse junkie]

Yes, you did. She can start with the restricted eating, bulimia, chain-smoking, unrealistically negative body image, and sexual exploitation by older men when she hits 18.