I hope no one here is one of these.....
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6. Vampirism
Public Humiliation: 90.0%
When enjoying Tim Burton movies and the Cure aren’t enough to express your artistic depression, you turn to vampirism. This type of geek gathers with its kind to simulate vampiric society through a game of milling around and giving each other spooky threats in untraceable fake accents. Beginner’s Tip: The costumes and makeup required for this hobby are elaborate, so if you don’t have time every morning for a Dracula makeover, you can send the same message by just wearing a sign reading, “I hate my parents and my classmates beat me.” To make this slightly more vampiric you may want to add the word “Blah!” at the beginning and end of the sentence.
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My worst class in college was made even worse by a vampire. I had to take a philosophy of science elective for my major. The classes all sounded really hard, except 1, that sounded just right.
SCIENCE AND PSEUDO-SCIENCE
This class will explore the inter-relationship of the hard sciences amd those areas that some believe and others do not (horoscopes, magic, etc.) Grade based heavily (66%) on term paper and related presentation. Final and class participation 33%.
This class sounded like I had achieved a zen-like complete blow off state. Freshman comp I had done a paper about the Bermuda Triangle, and evidence against any mystery. The work was done. Class participation was meaningless at my school since it had class sizes of 50-60 kids for senior level courses. I could hide out and not even go really easily.
But my dream is shattered the first day when I walk in and there are only 6 others in the class. In the next few months, I learned what people who went to real college already knew; There is no blowing off a class with 7 students in it. I had to go every day, and the prof is assigning 100 pps. of pretzel logic philosophic musings on the nature of truth each night:
"Mr. Chinaski, what was the author's main thesis?"
"Ummm, I'm not sure I get it."
"Did you do the reading?"
"Ummm, err, umm..."
But it was the presentation weeks that cause me to put pen to paper this AM. My presentation, and the presentations of others should have been an easy part of the class. People talking about crap I don't need to know, and no readings.
But one guy ruins it, a very disheveled overweight geeky guy, the kind you might see in your dorm cafeteria all year, and only see him talking to one or two others over the year. Not scruffy in a "I'm on a 2 week bender" way, but scruffy in the D&D way.
He is laughing and muttering under his breath at the presentations. When I'm up, he snorts throught it all, I'm trying to hear what he's muttering and I'm thrown off script. I was an okay public speaker, but had never been heckled before. I got the sense that his point was we were all morons for even considering our various topics- and other than the requirement of a paper and talk, he's is right.
Anyway, I did get through it, and felt I had locked up my 2.5. I was sort of pissed that he had made a day that should have been easy, a stressful experience, but I was ready to move on, until....
He comes in for his presentation dressed in a cape with his naturally greasy hair slicked back with added grease. His presentation is on vampires. He proceeds to try and prove vampires exist, and are all around us. In fact, he is a vampire (
in a 10 AM class?). I was, of course, too polite to heckle back, but shocked by his gall for having mocked me.
Then I got it. He lived the alternative life. We were tourists- he a native. Maybe, having found what he seemed to really believe a true area of the "fake" sciences, he felt he needed to make clear the other areas were VERY fake as compensation.
Still, to this day, and although I am a progressive person, I do not believe I will give the next vampire I meet a fair shake. I feel they are close-minded and rude.
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