Meh. - Page 316

Hank Chinaski · 11-21-2005, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I'm sure I have told this story, but when I hitchhiked from northern to southern Ontario, one of the cars I rode in was driven by "Dave" who told me that he couldn't drive unless he had a beer between his legs.

He drove us for about 2 hours. I had to sit in the front while my hitching buddy and ostensible male protector dozed in the back seat. I found out *all* about Dave. And it was true - he constantly had an open beer can propped between his legs. He went through about 4 of them.

I think I remember you saying you had a beer can cut scar on your chin. Is this that story?

greatwhitenorthchick · 11-21-2005, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I think I remember you saying you had a beer can cut scar on your chin. Is this that story?

I have no scars on my face.

notcasesensitive · 11-21-2005, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
My dad (repeatedly) tells the story about a fishing buddy of his who, with a pal, drives down to Daytona (straight through) for the 500 (I can't even imagine the redneckedness of this event) every year. They pack two 30-packs of beer and usually finish almost all of it by the time they get to the race.

I think my dad is full of shit.

I had uncles who always took a beer supply in a cooler in the back seat for every drive over 45 minutes in length. Yes, now that you mention it, one of them did kill himself driving drunk on 465 around Indy.* No, he wasn't headed to the Indy 500.

*He overcompensated with the wheel after turning around from grabbing a beer (from the cooler) and realizing he was way too close to the car in front of him. As opposed to my aunt who killed herself driving drunk around 465 in Indy. She didn't have any alcohol with her in the car. She just got lit at a bar and drove the wrong way on the highway until she hit someone head on who made the mistake of driving the right way down the highway that night.

ThurgreedMarshall · 11-21-2005, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Tell you what, I'll stop giving you the opportunity.

I doubt it, but okay.

TM

dtb · 11-21-2005, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I had uncles who always took a beer supply in a cooler in the back seat for every drive over 45 minutes in length. Yes, now that you mention it, one of them did kill himself driving drunk on 465 around Indy.* No, he wasn't headed to the Indy 500.

*He overcompensated with the wheel after turning around from grabbing a beer (from the cooler) and realizing he was way too close to the car in front of him. As opposed to my aunt who killed herself driving drunk around 465 in Indy. She didn't have any alcohol with her in the car. She just got lit at a bar and drove the wrong way on the highway until she hit someone head on who made the mistake of driving the right way down the highway that night.

My FIL takes a to-go drink with him in the car wherever he goes. Along with his loaded handgun. I can't believe he's still alive, frankly.

robustpuppy · 11-21-2005, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
I should have said "Cat-loving spinsters who want to fuck married men who have children." The way it was phrased originally, the spinster might be using a child as a dildo, or something.

GTPOTFC (Grammar Timmy Post of the Fucking Century)

ltl/fb · 11-21-2005, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
GTPOTFC (Grammar Timmy Post of the Fucking Century)

Please. Before you went and procreated, the idea of using a child as a dildo wouldn't have seemed so out there as to be inconceivable.

Damn breeder.

ETA, like, can't you see the pointy-headed kid from that Robertson Davies book all tied up into a strap-on? And NFH's married grandpa being pegged with it by some desperate spinster, while he pets a cat?

robustpuppy · 11-21-2005, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ironweed
Ok. Here goes:

Lucius Vorinus, having become a popular hero after rescuing Pullo from the arena, is made a Senator by Caesar (as a part of Caesar's plan to stack the Senate with Kelts, Gauls and Plebs loyal to him). Caesar also thinks having such a legendary fighter around will discourage Cicero and the little band of plotters he knows are out to get him. Pullo wakes up in a hospital outside Rome, finds out he's famous and goes back to the city in search of poon. He collapses halfway there and ends up a Vorinus's house, where Irenie (the freed slavegirl whose boyfriend Pullo killed) nearly slits his throat -- but can't bring herself to do it (which struck me as slightly bullshit). Pullo sets out trying to win Irenie back over.

Brutus, Cicero and the other plotters are now ready to strike, but don't want to kill Vorinus due to his popularity. Then Brutus's maw (Servilia) remembers that her lesbian girl toy told her Vorinus's wife is a hobag slut and her dastardly plan is hatched. Servilia invites Attia to her house on the day that Caesar assembles the new Senate for the first time and has the pleasure of explaining what is happening while it's still going on. She tells Attia she will make her suffer, etc., and it's a bitch-off we haven't seen since the glory days of Dynasty.

Meanwhile, as Caesar, Vorinus and the entourage are making their way through the forum to the Senate, Servilia's slave calls out to Vorinus and whispers in his ear. His brown darkens (he's got a very good brow for darkening) and he strides off home before Caesar realizes he's gone. Caesar enters the Senate and is set upon by the plotters, with Brutus the last, reluctant stabber. Sic semper etc. Caesar does a bit of twitching and that's that.

Back at Vorinus's house, he confronts his wife in a rage and she admits the dirty deed. Vorinus slumps at the table, toying with a breadknife. Kill her? Kill himself? Kill the kids, too? His wife, seeing the state he's in, backs slowly to the balcony rail and tells him not to blame the boy before pitching herself over backwards and breaking her neck in the courtyard below. Vorinus runs to her and clutches her lifeless body, sobbing as the boy looks on. And that's that for the Vorinus family.

Last scene is Pullo and Irenie walking through the countryside hand in hand, which struck me as utter and complete bullshit. The finale was a bit of letdown all told, except for the suicide bit, which I did not see coming. But then I'm slow.

Well said. I agree with you on the bullshit part, the bitchfest part, and the didn't see it coming part, the last of which broke my heart. I thought that the guy who played Caesar did a pretty good job dying.

I should have watched Curb before going to sleep because it might have lightened my mood; I had the worst nightmare of my life last night and I attribute it to the violence of Rome and realizing that I didn't know what worrying was until about month ago.

ThurgreedMarshall · 11-21-2005, 07:54 PM

Reading CNN's The Ten Spot's review of the new Miller Lite commercial with Flava Flav as the taste expert reminded me that I wanted to post that here. Funny shit.

The other one where the guy goes, "Nooooooo you diiiin't," ain't bad either.

TM

robustpuppy · 11-21-2005, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jack Manfred
What does everyone want for Christmas?

I want an ipod.

On the gadget side, I'd like an aftermarket nav system for my car.

notcasesensitive · 11-21-2005, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
On the gadget side, I'd like an aftermarket nav system for my car.

I'd like a small, lightweight laptop computer. I would have bought one for myself already (instead of using Mr Man's big, heavy laptop all the time), except for the fact that I hate the process of buying and loading computers. And I'm lazy. Turns out that my laziness will end up saving me (or anyone who decides to buy one for me) mucho dineros, as I've wanted basically the same power and size of laptop for over a year now and they get cheaper and cheaper by the day. By the time I get around to buying one, they will be free or something.

ltl/fb · 11-21-2005, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I'd like a small, lightweight laptop computer. I would have bought one for myself already (instead of using Mr Man's big, heavy laptop all the time), except for the fact that I hate the process of buying and loading computers. And I'm lazy. Turns out that my laziness will end up saving me (or anyone who decides to buy one for me) mucho dineros, as I've wanted basically the same power and size of laptop for over a year now and they get cheaper and cheaper by the day. By the time I get around to buying one, they will be free or something.

I want a blender.

bilmore · 11-21-2005, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I think my dad is full of shit.

If you're basing this on "wow, this sounds unusual and unlikely", I would suggest giving dad a break on this one.

Did you just call me Coltrane? · 11-21-2005, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bilmore
If you're basing this on "wow, this sounds unusual and unlikely", I would suggest giving dad a break on this one.

I think he's telling the truth...with the usual exaggeration employed by fathers.* I've met the fishing buddy in question and have observed him drink a ridiculous amount of beer (and whiskey) w/out appearing even slightly drunk.

*and fisherman

ltl/fb · 11-21-2005, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alex_de_Large
I think I suffer from Excessively Floppy Tail Syndrome.

Since no one else has said it, I will -- Alex, that's not your tail.