Drive fast, live hard, no regrets... Sorry Penske

[dtb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Do you know where I can get a Lieutenant's dress uniform?

Boy or girl?

[dtb]

Originally posted by nononono
This is about hyphens, isn't it? Go ahead; I can take it, even if it will crush all my self-respect.

Don't play coy with me, missy. I invented that trick.

You've been warned.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Mena Suvari? Natasha Lyonne? The chick from Buffy?

Suvari hot?

She should rent her forehead to GoldenPalace.com. You could play handball off that thing.

The only thing uglier is her acting.

Three thumbs down. In everything, including Pie and Beauty.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Flinty beat (tee hee!) all of us to the joke here.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that I haven't gotten around to sharing with the Board. This one had no recently departed news anchors -- it was populated entirely of FB people.

I was riding on a bus with Sequels. Coltrane and Sebby had just died engaging in a heroic ocean rescue (although those rescuers perished, the victims survived), and Sequels was devastated. As we rode along toward our undetermined destination, I consoled her while she wept over her lost love and the wedding and the family that was never to be. As I was tut-tutting and telling Sequels how much Coltrane loved her (all the while holding back my tears over my lost internet love, out of deference to his beloved wife), the bus driver piped up and said, in a snarky tone, "Don't listen to her sentimental crap. Coltrane had cold feet, big time, and only proposed because you were both hitting thirty and he saw the ultimatum on the wall."

I turned to see that it was Piagow driving the bus. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and was wearing a getup you might see on Stevie Nicks, if she were homeless. Lots of chiffon and whatnot. She had her left foot, which was shod in a high-heeled strappy sandal, up on the dash, which was curious because the bus had a manual transmission.

I turned my attention away from the driver and back to Sequels, to whom I said, "Don't listen to her, she's crazy, and bitter because Coltrane was never her internet boyfriend. Coltrane really loved you. He said that you were the only woman he'd ever dated whom he wanted to be with exclusively. If you don't believe me, ask Gwinky, DTB, and Fringey."

I think Sequels was consoled, but at that point my attention was again distracted, this time by the fact that the bus was headed straight for the river. At this point I noticed empty Shiraz bottles and wine-filled chocolate boxes on the bus floor, and I called out, "Who the fuck let Paigow drive the fucking bus?"

As the river drew ever closer, and I pondered how the newspaper headline would convey the painful irony of Sequels's perishing in a water-related accident so soon after losing her fiance to a water rescue (and how my love affair with Sebby would never be acknowledged) I realized, with great relief, that we were riding on one of those duck tour buses.

When I got off in front of the Lincoln Memorial, Thurgreed was there to meet me, and the first thing he said was, "Who the fuck let Paigow drive the fucking bus?"

No pillow fight with Sequels?

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by dtb
Boy or girl?

Which is more slimming?

Scratch that... I want the one with ruffles.

[barely_legal]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Has anyone watched this? If not, tune into a replay of the finale, which has the lowest moment in reality tv to date. Good stuff.

I've watched every minute. Comedy gold.

SPOILER

One of the funniest moments in reality television history is when Rob said to Johnny "No, we didn't think to include in the contract where you could and could not defecate."

[nononono]

Originally posted by dtb
Don't play coy with me, missy. I invented that trick.

You've been warned.

I don't know what you mean! Just minding my own business here. And I did not disappear unaccountably from the party for a few minutes a little time ago, no way.

[dtb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Which is more slimming?

That depends. Are you a pear or an apple?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Flinty beat (tee hee!) all of us to the joke here.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that I haven't gotten around to sharing with the Board. This one had no recently departed news anchors -- it was populated entirely of FB people.

I was riding on a bus with Sequels. Coltrane and Sebby had just died engaging in a heroic ocean rescue (although those rescuers perished, the victims survived), and Sequels was devastated. As we rode along toward our undetermined destination, I consoled her while she wept over her lost love and the wedding and the family that was never to be. As I was tut-tutting and telling Sequels how much Coltrane loved her (all the while holding back my tears over my lost internet love, out of deference to his beloved wife), the bus driver piped up and said, in a snarky tone, "Don't listen to her sentimental crap. Coltrane had cold feet, big time, and only proposed because you were both hitting thirty and he saw the ultimatum on the wall."

I turned to see that it was Piagow driving the bus. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and was wearing a getup you might see on Stevie Nicks, if she were homeless. Lots of chiffon and whatnot. She had her left foot, which was shod in a high-heeled strappy sandal, up on the dash, which was curious because the bus had a manual transmission.

I turned my attention away from the driver and back to Sequels, to whom I said, "Don't listen to her, she's crazy, and bitter because Coltrane was never her internet boyfriend. Coltrane really loved you. He said that you were the only woman he'd ever dated whom he wanted to be with exclusively. If you don't believe me, ask Gwinky, DTB, and Fringey."

I think Sequels was consoled, but at that point my attention was again distracted, this time by the fact that the bus was headed straight for the river. At this point I noticed empty Shiraz bottles and wine-filled chocolate boxes on the bus floor, and I called out, "Who the fuck let Paigow drive the fucking bus?"

As the river drew ever closer, and I pondered how the newspaper headline would convey the painful irony of Sequels's perishing in a water-related accident so soon after losing her fiance to a water rescue (and how my love affair with Sebby would never be acknowledged) I realized, with great relief, that we were riding on one of those duck tour buses.

When I got off in front of the Lincoln Memorial, Thurgreed was there to meet me, and the first thing he said was, "Who the fuck let Paigow drive the fucking bus?"

I think you made this up.

[dtb]

Originally posted by nononono
I don't know what you mean! Just minding my own business here. And I did not disappear unaccountably from the party for a few minutes a little time ago, no way.

[pointing to my eyes -- then pointing to you]

You might want to have somebody else start your car for you.

I'm just sayin'.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ironweed
No good. Sebby gets a mean camel toe in tight pants.

Fat guy “pants-too-tight-when-he-sits” camel toe?

If I ever get a below the belt gut, I am so ending it all.

[nononono]

Originally posted by dtb
[pointing to my eyes -- then pointing to you]

You might want to have somebody else start your car for you.

I'm just sayin'.

Oh, no problem. I've arranged "another ride home."

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by dtb
That depends. Are you a pear or an apple?

What kind of options are those?

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Which is more slimming?

Scratch that... I want the one with ruffles.

Ruffles or animal print?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by nononono
Oh, no problem. I've arranged "another ride home."

So the hand on the ass thing is still gold, eh?