General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by TexLex
I have one outfit from TCP - it (yay!) ran much larger than all his other 3-6mo clothes. Is this typical with clothes from there or just a fluke? -T(zippers rule!)L

I've had the same experience. That cmpany's clothes seem to run big. In fact, Viebabe just this month got out of their 0-3 month size yet she is almost 18 months. O.k., obviously the clothes don't run THAT big and Viebabe is a mighty small peanut of a thing, but still...in other clothing brands, she graduated from the 0-3 month size last month and is just doing so now for clothes by The Children Place.

Sounds like you have a chunker on your hands. (NTTAWWT) If so, I'm guessing you find the 12 month one piece sleepers fit him in all places except his feet and that the footsy part is too big and floppy (in my experience, no matter how big or small the babe is, the feet tend to stay at the size corresponding to the baby's "real" age). I have the same issue (but on the other end) and tend to put my 18 month old in 3-6 month old one piece outfits but because her feet are those of a normal 18 month old, they are all crammed into the tiny footsies attached to the sleepers. I keep scissors in the nursery and am always cutting off the footsies, and do so unevenly so she looks like a vagabond running around. *sigh*

BTW - I went to a consignment store the other day and found clothes that clearly had never been worn (maybe the kids outgrew them before they wore them). I purchased the most exquisite things for like $2 a piece. Unusual stuff too, so your kid doesn't look like everyone else. (NTTAWWT). You wash them in Dreft and....wallah.

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by baltassoc
...but she insisted on having baltspawn 2 about four minutes after baltspawn 1.

That is too damn funny. Wow. She must not have had a problem with lack of sleep after Number One. Or, in the alternative, she was walking around in such an exhausted state she wasn't thinking clearly.

As to spacing of ages, here's my input from the Vietfamily:

My mom says having Sis and Me only 13 months apart was a nightmare at first but when I was about 1, Sis and I started playing together and she found life as a Mom got really really easy. She basically plopped us in the living room and we played and never bothered her. I remember she even took up pastel painting and Mah Jong (remember that?) Caveat: for some strange reason, we never bickered -- not as toddlers or teens or whatever. To the extent the close-in-age kids bicker, this would clearly be a problem.

My sister recommends having the second kid when the older one is 3. Because the older kid can help do stuff like bring diapers to Mom and pick up after herself, is hopefully potty-trained, and there is less fighting than if the older one is 2.

Me: I think the age spread between children should be 40 years. Seriously, if Vietbabe begs for a sibling....I am not going to do the infant thing anymore so will only adopt a 3-8 year old. Because the current sociological thinking is against "adopting out of birth order" (i.e., you only adopt a child younger than your existing kid) that would mean I'd have to wait for Vietbabe to be at least 4-9 years old. Though I'm tempted these days to adopt a 16 year old who really likes taking care of babies. (:

[Trepidation_Mom]

Originally posted by viet_mom
Because the current sociological thinking is against "adopting out of birth order" (i.e., you only adopt a child younger than your existing kid) that would mean I'd have to wait for Vietbabe to be at least 4-9 years old.

Just out of curiosity, why? Is it an alpha-dog thing, and an older kid upsets the pecking order?

Regarding spacing, my nearest sibling and I are about 21 months apart. We had (and have) deeply incompatible personalities, and fought and tormented each other from the first week the sibling came home (when I decided to wake the baby up every hour all night long in an attempt to get my parents to return it) until I turned 18 (and moved across the country for college). We get along much better now that we live 3000 miles apart. But, as a general matter, my guess is that all the spacing advice has more to do with parental convenience and piece of mind. I'd wager that it is easier for parents to deal with multiple kids that are at roughly similar stages at the same time, or otherwise to have the older kids old enough to be more self sufficient (or actually helpful). In terms of benefit to the kids themselves, I'd wager having less pissed off, cranky, distracted and hassled parents is better for them. But the idea of having one kid needing night feedings or having diapers changed 5x per day while at the same time dealing with a toddler saying "why? why? But, but, I wanna ... NO!" all the time would drive me to heroin.

[baltassoc]

[rant]
So I'm driving home last night listening to NPR, and I hear the following conversation, which bothered me a lot (quotes aren't exact, but close enough):

Q: So what has gotten you so involved [in lobbying to have the DC government clean up DC's water supply, portions of which are apparently contaminated with deadly amounts of lead]?

A: I have a 16 month old son that I've been trying to have for very long time.


This answer just bothers me. Not that she wants to protect her kid. I'm all about that. But that she feels that its important to add the fact that it took her a lot of effort to have the child, and that therefore gives here even added reason for wanting to clean up the lead. Like if she had gotten knocked up on the first try, she wouldn't care so much if she lost him, because she could probably just have another, no problem. Somehow, this turned what looked to be a statement about selfless concern for another into something completely selffish. Wouldn't it have been enough to say "I have a 16 month old son whom I love very much," realizing that the second part of that sentence is probably redundant and is inserted only to underscore the obvious.
[/rant]

All that being said, the lead thing in DC really sucks. I get the feeling that the impact is going to be disproportionately felt by the poorer areas. I've always thought of DC as America's own little banana republic: controlled by an oligarchy unelected by the public that ensconces itself in an enclave while denying basic services to the public, horrible roads, sweltering heat, and you can't drink the water.

Originally posted by baltassoc
[rant]So I'm driving home last night listening to NPR..."I have a 16 month old son that I've been trying to have for very long time."....This answer just bothers me.

Another thought. Contaminated water has been linked to infertility and repeated miscarriages. Perhaps she was aluding to the fact that the water may have had something to do with either of those problems and that she would like to try to prevent it for others/herself in the future.

-TL

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by baltassoc
[rant]
So I'm driving home last night listening to NPR, and I hear the following conversation, which bothered me a lot (quotes aren't exact, but close enough):

Q: So what has gotten you so involved [in lobbying to have the DC government clean up DC's water supply, portions of which are apparently contaminated with deadly amounts of lead]?

A: I have a 16 month old son that I've been trying to have for very long time.


This answer just bothers me. Not that she wants to protect her kid. I'm all about that. But that she feels that its important to add the fact that it took her a lot of effort to have the child, and that therefore gives here even added reason for wanting to clean up the lead. Like if she had gotten knocked up on the first try, she wouldn't care so much if she lost him, because she could probably just have another, no problem. Somehow, this turned what looked to be a statement about selfless concern for another into something completely selffish. Wouldn't it have been enough to say "I have a 16 month old son whom I love very much," realizing that the second part of that sentence is probably redundant and is inserted only to underscore the obvious.
[/rant]

All that being said, the lead thing in DC really sucks. I get the feeling that the impact is going to be disproportionately felt by the poorer areas. I've always thought of DC as America's own little banana republic: controlled by an oligarchy unelected by the public that ensconces itself in an enclave while denying basic services to the public, horrible roads, sweltering heat, and you can't drink the water.

Once my wife got pregnant and daughter popped out, we lost 2 couple good friends who were less fertile. If you can make kids like ordering Domino's be thankful, and understanding with people who work in the "trying for months" shit into talk about Sonny-Jim. This I command you.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Once my wife got pregnant and daughter popped out, we lost 2 couple good friends who were less fertile. If you can make kids like ordering Domino's be thankful, and understanding with people who work in the "trying for months" shit into talk about Sonny-Jim. This I command you.

Well, I get that pretty well. Actually, as the parent of twins with a growing set of friends who are also parents of twins, I probably have a disproportionate number of acquaintances who had trouble conceiving (most multiples these days are the result of some form of fertility treatment). Plus, every time I mention to someone that I have twins, I get asked if they were the result of fertility treatment*, and then I get to hear all about the various stages the person (or her sister, or cousin, or best friend) has gone through.

So I get that. But what bothered me was the idea in this woman's head that she has a special reason to be concerned, because her child would be harder to replace. I mean, damn that's cold. It's one step away from explicitly saying Bilmore shouldn't be upset if his oldest shows signs of lead poisoning, 'cause there's plenty more where s/he came from.

I guess I'm saying that once the kid is out, any issue that is a threat to the kid is about the kid, and not about the parent.


*Note that this question is extremely rude. But to preempt, the answer is no. And to run through the other rude questions: No, I'm not disappointed that they're not a boy and a girl. No, we're not trying to have a boy, so actually we are done. Their mother is running some other errands.**

** I reserve the substitute the answer "their mother passed away" if you are particularly condescending in the manner of asking me why two small children are out with just their father instead of with their mother where they belong.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by baltassoc
It's one step away from explicitly saying Bilmore shouldn't be upset if his oldest shows signs of lead poisoning, 'cause there's plenty more where s/he came from.

SYMPTOMS OF LEAD POISONING
Mood swings, irritability, headaches, and loss of motor coordination.

I hope bilmore's kids take after mommy, but I'm always surprised to see parents who wonder how their kids developed negative personality traits, shared by the parent.

[Trepidation_Mom]

So, someone offered me a seat for the first time on the subway this morning.

She wasn't sitting in it at the time, she just pointed out an empty one about 15 feet away, but still...

I'm 7 1/2 months preggers, and this is a first.

New Yorkers are savages. Just for the record.

[lawyer_princess]

When I used to commute by public transportation (back in law school), I noticed that only women gave up their seats for pregnant women.

Originally posted by Trepidation_Mom
So, someone offered me a seat for the first time on the subway this morning.

She wasn't sitting in it at the time, she just pointed out an empty one about 15 feet away, but still...

I'm 7 1/2 months preggers, and this is a first.

New Yorkers are savages. Just for the record.

[lawyer_princess]

Now that I think about it, both men and women were very good about holding open doors for me when I was pregnant, but heaven forbid anyone should hold the door for a mom with a stroller.

[pretermitted_child]

Originally posted by Trepidation_Mom
So, someone offered me a seat for the first time on the subway this morning.

She wasn't sitting in it at the time, she just pointed out an empty one about 15 feet away, but still...

I'm 7 1/2 months preggers, and this is a first.

New Yorkers are savages. Just for the record.

When I lived in NYC and took the subway to work every day, I routinely got up from my seat if I saw a pregnant woman or someone with a child (because it's better to have a kid sitting down than getting in the way when people push in and out of the cars).

As to whether New Yorkers are savages, you might find this article interesting.

One of the things that I cannot understand is the behavior of New Yorkers on elevators. Normally, New Yorkers are rushing past you on the street, on the escalators down to the subway, etc. These same New Yorkers, when they are in an elevator, appear to completely change their perspective on civility: If people pile into an elevator, and if some women are standing in the back and some men are standing in the front, when the elevator reaches the ground floor, the men do not get off first but try to stand to the side WITHIN the crowded elevator to let the women out first. This typically results in some awkward shuffling and needless delay while the women push their way out from the back of the elevator to get out first. Whenever this happens, I usually want to scream at the top of my lungs to the men who are standing aside: "Get the fuck out of the damn elevator first you retards!" Have New Yorkers simply not heard of the "Last In, First Out" method of exiting from crowded elevators?

[pretermitted_child]

Originally posted by lawyer_princess
When I used to commute by public transportation (back in law school), I noticed that only women gave up their seats for pregnant women.

In my experiences with public transportation, women appear to be more willing to sit in any seat if it is available. Men, in contrast, will usually remain standing depending on the number of free seats.

I usually do not sit if 2/3 or more of the seats are taken in a given bus or subway car. I simply don't like sitting right next to strangers.*

* Strangers on subway cars don't usually sit right next to each other unless they have to. To use an analogy from chemistry, it can best be described as a social "Hund's Rule."

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by lawyer_princess
Now that I think about it, both men and women were very good about holding open doors for me when I was pregnant, but heaven forbid anyone should hold the door for a mom with a stroller.

That's because while you're pregnant these people think there's still a chance you're giving the baby up for adoption to a nice couple in Connecticut. Or anywhere that is not Manhattan.

If you're pushing a stroller, you've pretty much made clear you're part of the problem, not the solution.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by lawyer_princess
Now that I think about it, both men and women were very good about holding open doors for me when I was pregnant, but heaven forbid anyone should hold the door for a mom with a stroller.

Back when I used to push lots of strollers, people would hold doors open for me frequently.

Usually, as I was on the way OUT.