Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[pony_trekker]

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and
Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a
friendly ghost.

Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart?
A. He heard that boys' pants were 1/2 off.

Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael
Jackson?
A. One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small
children. The other is used to
hold groceries.

Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.

Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams
every
night?
A. Hanson.

Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?
A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter?
A. I'll swap you a 10 for two fives

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, okay, can we get Aladdin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and video

Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10
years?
A: Michael Jackson

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound
racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.

Q: What do Michael and homework have in common?
A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids


FBI have raided Michael Jackson's house:
They found class A drugs in his kitchen,
Class B drugs in his living room and
Class 5C in his bedroom.
David & Victoria Beckham invite Michael Jackson on a boating holiday
round
the Mediterranean,
Michael replies "Gee thanks, can't wait to cum on your cruz."

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
We have celebrities host our fundraisers and GOTV drives, so on our side it's pretty much market driven. The party of Reagan, Schwarzeneggar, Thompson, Bono and Eastwood really isn't ready to hear the answer to your question.

No one ever wanted to fuck Sonny- and Arnold, Clint and RR are famous cause they can kick your ass, not because of looks-

And you forgot Gopher

[Diane_Keaton]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
OK, I'm helping with a campaign to get Ping on the Tonight Show...you can request a guest by emailing 'tonightshow@nbc.com'

Here's a sample email:


Could you PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE have Ping Wu from the AARP commercial on your show? You’ve most likely seen the commercial – he’s an Asian guy who is actually also called Ping in the commercial. He clones himself because he ‘couldn’t do it all alone’. At one point, ‘Ping AARP’ was the number one download on Google.com. People LOVE the commercial. There are message boards discussing him. Personally, my friends and I are obsessed with seeing the commercial in the mornings while we watch Today and we’ve searched in vain to download a clip of the commercial online.


Picture attached is when Ping goes in to his wife, “Sleepy-Doo” and she realizes she’s in bed with one of his clones. But it’s all cool, he explains, ‘cause “That’s Ping too!”

Is this commercial on the Net?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Nice hat trick.

When did Bombay become Mombai? How did I miss this?

I;m not sure when, but I am pretty sure it's spelled Mumbai.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Cadbury eggs

Or Cadbeef sirloin eggs.

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by Diane_Keaton
Is this commercial on the Net?

Not that I can find (as you'll see in the email i posted).

[ltl/fb]

FYI, FWIW, AON, if you are working with the highly cynical, talking about the importance of "managing expectations" goes over much better than talking about the importance of "communication." I think they like the manipulative connotation.

sunny -- ALERT! ALERT! The above is a correct use of the word "connotation." Study it. Learn it. Live it.

[Alex_de_Large]

What not to do when asked by the local constabulary to take a breathalyzer test.

spree: news article.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Someone on the Boston Craig's List recently asked what women would think if a new-to-her guy pulled out a not-new vibrator. I can't imagine how this could be done without seeming skeevy.

Just to be a devil's advocate (read: i would never do what you're describing) - the guy has put his dick into other women's pussies before, so what's the big deal if his vibrator has been in them, too (assuming proper hygenic measures have been employed in both cases)?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
Just to be a devil's advocate (read: i would never do what you're describing) - the guy has put his dick into other women's pussies before, so what's the big deal if his vibrator has been in them, too (assuming proper hygenic measures have been employed in both cases)?

FWIW, I know guys who have, not the big, "hey really it's just like a penis!" vibrators, but little bullet vibrators, for personal use, that I would imagine get used on other people but that is not their primary purpose. That seems less squicky.

The difference between a penis used on other people and a vibrator used on other people is that the penis sheds skin, and sweats, and otherwise makes anything that gets on it go away eventually. Vibrators it's all up to the deliberate washing. Plus, there is only one penis, but one can have as many vibrators as one wants.*

*well, except in TX, I think.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
Just to be a devil's advocate (read: i would never do what you're describing) - the guy has put his dick into other women's pussies before, so what's the big deal if his vibrator has been in them, too (assuming proper hygenic measures have been employed in both cases)?

Maybe she thought he was O'Reilly-ing with it. I can see where that mental image would be a turn off.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Maybe she thought he was O'Reilly-ing with it. I can see where that mental image would be a turn off.

I don't get the turn-off part. i mean, aside from it being O'Reilly.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
I don't get the turn-off part. i mean, aside from it being O'Reilly.

ICK WARNING











Well, that's the thing. He's forever associated with the act. Whenever I think about a guy sticking a vibrator up his ass (this doesn't happen often), I think of Bill O'Reilly. It is not a pleasant thought for me and, I would imagine, most people.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
I don't get the turn-off part.

It's to save batteries, and it might make you actually go out more and meet guys.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
ICK WARNING











Well, that's the thing. He's forever associated with the act. Whenever I think about a guy sticking a vibrator up his ass (this doesn't happen often), I think of Bill O'Reilly. It is not a pleasant thought for me and, I would imagine, most people.

Oh. That is not what I think of.