General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by mongoose767
[not important]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask: Did Penske register mongoose001 through mongoose766?

If so, I apologize on his behalf.

Please continue.

[leagleaze]

I have a question for the wise denizens of this board.

If you have an adolescent child who becomes upset, informs her mother that she hates her and runs down the street to a friend's house, what do you think is the appropriate response?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by leagleaze
I have a question for the wise denizens of this board.

If you have an adolescent child who becomes upset, informs her mother that she hates her and runs down the street to a friend's house, what do you think is the appropriate response?

Give her an hour or two to cool off, call her home, and then apply whatever punishment or discipline presumably led to the blow-up in the first place.

Adolescents tell their parents they hate them on average at least monthly. It's part of the process. The best technique is to ignore it.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Any thoughts on the appropriate age for the first two-wheeler? Soon-to-be four Ruth Bader Ramone has been asking for a bike. I don't remember when I started riding, but I think it was older than four. Any opinions/experience as to whether 4 is an appropriate age to leave the trike behind?

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by Oliver_Wendell_Ramone
Any thoughts on the appropriate age for the first two-wheeler? Soon-to-be four Ruth Bader Ramone has been asking for a bike. I don't remember when I started riding, but I think it was older than four. Any opinions/experience as to whether 4 is an appropriate age to leave the trike behind?

Based on extensive surveys of our neighborhood, 3 to 6, with 4-5 being most common. But we've seen a couple of them start as early as 3, losing the training wheels by their fourth birthday.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by taxwonk
Give her an hour or two to cool off, call her home, and then apply whatever punishment or discipline presumably led to the blow-up in the first place.

Concur, of course. However, because this is likely to be a recurring fact pattern, I would encourage the imposition of a rule that the teenager needing to cool off at someone else's house MUST MUST MUST call a third person, neutral and trusted by both sides, to let him/her know where they are. I suggest a spinster aunt, if one can be located. The rules can include the proviso that the trusted third party cannot disclose to the parents where the runaway is until after he/she cools off.

I now know of two separate occasions where "temporary runaway" teens (both girls, NTTAWWT) went to one of their many friends' houses, and Parents at Safe House never thought to call to tell Parents of Runaway she was there --- they assumed too much, or didn't realize the Runaway was spending nights upstairs, too --- and the police got called etc. because the Parents of Runaway couldn't figure out which of their daughters' twenty or so friends was acting as hostess, and all of the friends (at the daughters' instruction!) refused to answer questions. On one of the two occasions, the friends refused to respond even when questioned by uniformed officers, because they had "promised."

Neither girl had any idea how much trouble she'd caused by that simple instruction to her friends not to tell her parents where she was. It makes sense to play out the scenario in advance, so the potential runaway knows that it's not just her parents to whom she's causing agony.

[viet_mom]

After a really fun 6 months of house searching in a seller's market, enduring the home inspection "no YOU fix it" process, bargaining for a lease extension and the flat out tramautizing move (am I a box bitch?), Vietbabe and I are now the proud owners of one of the 100 very modest, identical cape cods on a quiet street in suburban America. So much for the "privacy" of a home -- everyone is so close that for the first time I need "window treatments". Which leads me to my question about clowns....


The Babe turns two and I was going to have just the cousins over around 2 pm on a Sunday (only day available) for cake and have the clown from last year do his thing for an hour at about 3 pm. But....I don't know what to do about the neighbors, all of whom have kids (at least 2; all young) because none of us have fences, our yards all sort of go together and they'll all see the clown. I've met many of the families already and some have brought "welcome" gifts.

My feeling is the more the merrier so I would welcome the kids over. But do I go around to the different houses and give personal invites (I don't have phone numbers yet) and can I just serve sheet cake for the kids and not even have food offerings for the adults? I am a beginner to "neighborhood protocol" and this environment is so strange. I saw/heard the "ice cream man" for the first time the other day and was so flummoxed, I bolted after him, chasing him down the street like the bionic woman!!

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by viet_mom
I am a beginner to "neighborhood protocol" and this environment is so strange. I saw/heard the "ice cream man" for the first time the other day and was so flummoxed, I bolted after him, chasing him down the street like the bionic woman!!

In our neighborhood, there is no "ice cream man" of which you speak. There is a "Music Truck," which slowly travels our suburban streets playing "Turkey in the Straw" at high volume on warm days. The Grinches enjoy the Music Truck, but so far as the Grinch family is concerned, it produces no ice cream.

Street smarts are one thing. Cul-de-sac smarts are another thing altogether.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
kill plants but show your kid compassion

And don't experiment. The worst guilt tripped parent story I ever heard happened in Canada. There was a serial killer a few years back who offed young women. One of the early victims, had a fight with mom and leaves. mom says "don't come back tonight, you're locked out for the night." that night she ends up with serial killer husband/wife team. Mom of course regrets the punishment.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
but so far as the Grinch family is concerned, it produces no ice cream.

Do the Grinches know about Christmas on this utopian cul-de-sac?

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by leagleaze
I have a question for the wise denizens of this board.

If you have an adolescent child who becomes upset, informs her mother that she hates her and runs down the street to a friend's house, what do you think is the appropriate response?

This is such a tough one. If the child generally has carte blanche to go visit her friend down the street anyway, then it may be hard for the parent to verbalize why "running there in the middle of an argument" is so wrong. As one who "escaped" down the street quite a few times myself, I think this is going to happen again even if this runaway behavior is declared "against the rule."

So....having been on the other side of the fence, I would recommend that when things have cooled down, the parent and child have a talk and the parent make clear that running away -- even for a short period of time -- will absolutely not be tolerated so some sort of compromise must be reached when the child feels so crazy that she feels she needs an escape. Maybe an arrangement where the child gets to go to a specific room and be by herself and the parent isn't allowed (for a certain amount of time) to enter the room so the child gets to have the space to herself? This means Mom/Dad can't stand outside the door of the room shouting whatever it is that is making the child so crazy (whether legitimately or not).

If some sort of compromise can be agreed on, I would reduce it to writing (but in as non-legaleaze terms as possible, no pun intended) and/or get the friend down the street (or friend's parent(s)) to be aware of the new arrangement/rule (so they don't harbor a criminal so to speak). I am not saying the parent should change their views or punishments if the child takes the escape route. The only point is to provide the child with some sort of escape when they feel (rightly or wrongly) they're being hassled to the brink -- or to give the child some sort of "big guns" he/she can get out when the child wants the parents to know how extreme the child's frustration level has become in a certain situation.

I hope I'm not being too child-oriented with this approach. Good luck.

Vietmom

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch I suggest a spinster aunt, if one can be located.

Here I am! Fourth cape cod down on the left on the cul de sac. We like to call ourselves the "cool Aunts" though.

On one of the two occasions, the friends refused to respond even when questioned by uniformed officers, because they had "promised."

And so begins a lifetime of sisterhood. Even today I'd do time before ratting out a sister/friend. This phenomenon is well known and standard OT for a teenage runaway (a long one that is) is to eavesdrop/record the phone calls of friends/siblings `cause it's rare to get info voluntarily. So.....I'd be sure not to put the child's friend in a bad position and see instead if the child can be made to inform her friend of the new rule. Of course, if the child shows up breathless at friend's and says "the rule has changed; don't tell anyone I'm here" there goes the rule.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
And don't experiment. The worst guilt tripped parent story I ever heard happened in Canada. There was a serial killer a few years back who offed young women. One of the early victims, had a fight with mom and leaves. mom says "don't come back tonight, you're locked out for the night." that night she ends up with serial killer husband/wife team. Mom of course regrets the punishment.

But this anecdote also serves as the basis of why a parent is dead-fucking-serious about the threat that he will call the cops and send them around to everyone's house if he doesn't hear from the mutual check point that the kid's okay.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by baltassoc
But this anecdote also serves as the basis of why a parent is dead-fucking-serious about the threat that he will call the cops and send them around to everyone's house if he doesn't hear from the mutual check point that the kid's okay.

How're you ever gonna keep them on the farm once they've seen The Village?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Oliver_Wendell_Ramone
Any thoughts on the appropriate age for the first two-wheeler? Soon-to-be four Ruth Bader Ramone has been asking for a bike. I don't remember when I started riding, but I think it was older than four. Any opinions/experience as to whether 4 is an appropriate age to leave the trike behind?

If she's big enough to ride a bike with training wheels, then she's big enough to ride. Just be aware that at first, you'll have to help her with the change in leverage and the differing mechanics of a big-kid's bike.