Fashion Board 6-9-04 to 7-13-04

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
Speaking of Weddings....I assume everyone would be pissed if I had an entirely veggie wedding? Do I have to serve meat? Mr. Bunny would be shooting up steak in the bathroom if we didn't, so this is just a hypothetical, but I am curious how it owuld be taken if we had tons of booze, but no meat?

To be honest, I could not care less what anyone serves as far as food at the wedding. Does anyone really? It's all about the booze, the music, and the hotness of the guests. If you friends and family are not hot, you should concentrate on getting some hot stunt guests there rather than on the food.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Jack Manfred
Doesn't this make sense? A woman reaches some set age or milestone, an elaborate party is thrown for her, and weddings revert to simple ceremonies that require a priest/rabbi/minister/justice of the peace and a couple of forms in triplicate, and not much more.

Nope. Because what's really behind over-the-top weddings for so many women is the "in your face" they get to shake in front of all of their friends.

Here's what I see about these ridiculous weddings that are most talked about with women:

• How did the guy engage? Was it just the most romantic and original thing ever?
• How big and extravagant and original or whatever is the ring?
• How much was the dress and who designed it?
• Who did the flowers?
• The friends who are invited who have yet to find themselves a man -- who are they bringing?

These questions are the reasons why so many women get married. If they can raise some jealousy and envy in their closest friends, the wedding will be a huge success. Without these things, everything else is just a party.

TM

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
NOt a bad idea, though they wouldn't get the Beatles lunchbox that I just got him, for which I paid nearly $200.

Righteous! Can I look forward to such generous gifting when we eventually date?

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Do people have parents who say "You can have a $25k wedding budget, or just take the cash"?

In the case of my second wedding, my wife's parents gave her the same amount they spent on her sister's wedding the year before, with instructions to do whatever she wanted to with it (with the caveats she a) had to actually get married and b) they [and the sisters] would be invited.). Since sis through quite a bash, the left over served as part of the downpayment on our house. The amount of the money left over was not as much of a factor in the size of our wedding as the seating capacity of our venue of choice.

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
So the idea would be to impose your views on others?

This is a bad idea...

dissent. there's no free lunch. Its like when people come to my house for dinner or social engagements or the like or otherwise. There is no red meat, sts, or at least not the variety that comes from the cow or the pig. I don't believe in it and its also offensive to our muslim and hindu friends.

And no hard booze.

There's beer and wine or vintage champagne (if you are cute), albeit of a very high quality. Unless you are my drunk neighbour. Then its the cheap shit.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by barely_legal
...in my experience planning dozens of weddings, the groom (and/or the groom's parents) is often just as insistent on a big elaborate wedding as the bride.

I will admit that men seem much more interested in the reception than the actual ceremony though.

In my experience, men don't really care about how elaborate the wedding is. The party afterwards, maybe. But mostly guys just talk big about the wedding because they know it will make the woman happy. It's their big day and so many women have been programmed to dream about it since the day they turned two that you better fucking be excited about it. But once you have exhibited that excitement sufficiently, get the fuck out of the way, because here comes the mother-in-law to take your place in all of the decision-making processes.

TM

[Jack Manfred]

Originally posted by barely_legal
in my experience planning dozens of weddings, the groom (and/or the groom's parents) is often just as insistent on a big elaborate wedding as the bride.... Grooms just don't get the bad rap as being groomzillas b/c they are lazy and let their brides make all of the arrangements

I will admit that men seem much more interested in the reception than the actual ceremony though.

BTW, I hope that IRL, you have never actually used the phrase "Hey girls."

Your first comment (aside from the one calling my proposal sexist), actually sort of proves my deeper point, which is that elaborate weddings (and the resentment that can be caused by them) sets in motion expectations and resentments that harm the actual marriage. You say that grooms (1) want the big weddings, but (2) are too lazy to do anything to actually help with (1). I agree with the second part. I've seen the second part. I've seen guys pay lipservice to wanting (1) as cover for (2). If you actually want a big fat wedding and want to have your bride, and her family, and your family plan it while your big fat ass in on the couch, that is despicable.

And I only use the phrase "Hey girls" when I'm speaking to a group of girls. In that section, I was referring to how the idea would need to be inculcated at a young age when girls are being sold the whole "prince rides up on a white horse and they live happily ever after" thing. I don't refer to women as girls, but I don't refer to the girl scouts selling cookies in the Financial District women (or little women, that's Louisa May Alcott's job).

It's also interesting that despite the "marriage industrial complex" and the 1+ year long planning, most weddings are pretty much the same as the others and most guests (given the admittedly skewed sample of this board), care only about whether there will be free booze, a cash bar, or punch and cake.

And you do need to serve non-veggie options at the reception dinner. Otherwise, some people won't eat. Then if you serve any alcohol at all (which this board demands you provide gratis), you'll have a bunch of wasted meat-eaters on your hands. Many of the things that ABBA does while drunk are not nearly as cute on a widespread scale.

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
But once you have exhibited that excitement sufficiently, get the fuck out of the way, because here comes the mother-in-law to take your place in all of the decision-making processes.

TM

Dissent. I maintained a presence in the decision making process just to go head to head, mano a mano, toe to toe, tete a tete, tit a tit, et al. etc. with my m-i-l. I'm combative like that.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Beach. Fiji. Me. Him. The officiant...Linen shift, some tropical flowers...dark rum, fresh seafood...fresh fruit. Honeymoon...week[s] of snorkeling, diving, drinking, and making noises that carry far over the water.

Word. Except, substitute Hawaii for Fiji.

Did the big wedding thing and it just doesn't make any sense.

TM

[dtb]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
If one cannot afford to ply your guests with unlimited alcohol, then it is far preferable simply to close the bar early or serve only beer and wine. Or only wine, cheap wine, that no one will want more than one glass of, than to have the guests pay for the bar. What's next--dinner with a chicken breast, but an optional upgrade to steak for $8?

Oh the humanity.

I didn't do much of my own wedding planning; my mother-in-law did most of it, and it turned out fine.

The ONLY thing my husband cared about was having an open bar. He could not have cared less about any other aspect of the whole thing; but he said he would not have been able to look any of the guests in the face were there anything but an open bar.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
Speaking of Weddings....I assume everyone would be pissed if I had an entirely veggie wedding? Do I have to serve meat? Mr. Bunny would be shooting up steak in the bathroom if we didn't, so this is just a hypothetical, but I am curious how it owuld be taken if we had tons of booze, but no meat?

Depends on the audience.

Some of us were weaned on the Southern-Baptist-fellowship-hall weddings in which the cake tasted like it had already been frozen for a year, so the introduction of booze will pretty much forgive any other sins, as it were.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
[*]How did the guy engage? Was it just the most romantic and original thing ever?[*]How big and extravagant and original or whatever is the ring?


TM

At least you get a party with the wedding. The ring gets you...actually, the ring symbolizes the END of blow jobs, so scratch that...

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)

Do people have parents who say "You can have a $25k wedding budget, or just take the cash"?

My wedding cost about $3000. My parents wanted to pay for it, as I recall, but it seemed so silly because we could easily afford it so they didn't. They would most definitely have not offered us cash.

[dtb]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Nope. Because what's really behind over-the-top weddings for so many women is the "in your face" they get to shake in front of all of their friends.

Here's what I see about these ridiculous weddings that are most talked about with women:

• How did the guy engage? Was it just the most romantic and original thing ever?
• How big and extravagant and original or whatever is the ring?
• How much was the dress and who designed it?
• Who did the flowers?
• The friends who are invited who have yet to find themselves a man -- who are they bringing?

These questions are the reasons why so many women get married. If they can raise some jealousy and envy in their closest friends, the wedding will be a huge success. Without these things, everything else is just a party.

TM

Please tell me you're joking. Do you honestly think that any of those reasons has anything to do with why any woman gets married?

Now, I'll give you that your questions may be a motivating factor behind what kind of wedding one throws; but a reason for getting married? Uh... no.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
In my experience, men don't really care about how elaborate the wedding is. The party afterwards, maybe. But mostly guys just talk big about the wedding because they know it will make the woman happy. It's their big day and so many women have been programmed to dream about it since the day they turned two that you better fucking be excited about it. But once you have exhibited that excitement sufficiently, get the fuck out of the way, because here comes the mother-in-law to take your place in all of the decision-making processes.

TM

My wife and I bagged elaborate in terms of pomp and circumstance for eleborate in terms of indulgence. We ran a bar for the entire wedding (pictures through to the last encore) and stocked both the shuttles to and from the wedding, as well as the hotel, with extra booze and beer and wine. We also wiped the ceremony down to 20 min so as not to bore everyone. We also bagged all speeches (except best man/maid of honor) and instead of having a staid rehearsal dinner, we catered a joint and had a party with a band and full bar. There wasn't a fruffy or pompous thing in the whole gig, and people all told me they had hangovers until Monday. I was thrilled to have given so many people a fun weekend, and mixing friends from all aspects of my life.

Fuck taking the cash and using it for the house down payment. Money comes, money goes. You gotta do the wedding, and the focus should be on the guests, not you.