General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

Sadly that chart actually put LittleRitz in a lower percentile than his doctor did. He is on the low end for both height and weight. My Ped attributes it to pregnancy complications that I had. My OB suddenly packed up his office and moved out of state and apparently didn't think that it was necessary to notify me that I was developing a life-threatening condition, he thought that my new doctor would see the note in my records. Unfortunately, the records were misplaced for several weeks and by then it was so bad that I had to have an emergency c-section and LittleRitz was born way too early. Still he has made amazing strides considering his birth weight. We've been through the whole thyroid-testing process and are considering some other options.

It is getting really hard to find an OB in my area. Is anyone else having similar problems? Next time around, I am going to make it clear that I want to be told about any potential problems - can process information, will not freak out, etc. A lot of these doctors are way too condescending.

[pretermitted_child]

Some of you who have small children may have perhaps been put in the embarrassing position of being unable to do your child's arithmetic homework because of the current revolution in mathematics teaching known as the New Math. So as a public service [Tom Lehrer offers] a brief lesson in the New Math.[SPREE: THIS IS A MUSIC FILE. LOTS OF CLAPPING, LAUGHTER, and CORNY PIANO EFFECTS:exclaim:]

The lyrics are here.

[viet_mom]

A friend created a nonprofit to help Vietnamese Orphans and wants to set up a website for it. He's computer challenged so I guess he's going to have to use a third party service. Is there a place to use that will set up your site but also update it when he wants to add or change stuff? Do you send them the pictures and text and they upload it? If anyone knows of a relatively cheap service could you share? He also has to register I guess for a domain name which I guess will be a .org. Thanks.

Vietmom

[Atticus Grinch]

I think I'm developing a crush on Kim Possible.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Thinking Small

Search for Flexibility Leads Some Women to Start Their Own Firms

Jason Dearen
The Recorder
07-07-2003


Michele Ballard Miller was tired of seeing the mommy track treated like a case of the mumps.

By the time she quit big-firm life in 1998, she'd become an equity partner at then-Crosby, Heafey, Roach & May.

But even as a partner, she couldn't square the conflicting demands of her children and the firm's clients. Something had to give. So Miller left Crosby and started the Miller Law Group in Larkspur with another woman wanting out of big-firm life.

"The primary reason is the hours we were required to work," Miller explained. "The lack of flexibility made it very difficult to be a mother and an attorney." Downshifting wasn't a workable solution, either. "The idea of the mommy track is absolutely true," she said. "You're not viewed as committed at the firms if you work part-time."

Attorneys who leave behemoths to start boutiques cite everything from a desire for greater control to hopes for a friendlier culture. But for some women, the flexibility to fit in some family life is a large part of the allure.

This may help to explain why a number of women-founded boutiques have sprouted up in the Bay Area in recent years.

"The in-house route was historically what women looked for when leaving a big firm -- it was still considered prestigious, but the hours were better," said Dana Stone, co-founder of 2-year-old San Mateo commercial real estate boutique Steppe, Stone & Lakey. "But in-house jobs have dwindled a bit and the hours have increased."

Stone chose to start a firm with two other women after their employer, real estate investment trust Spieker Properties, was acquired in 2001. The three had fled big-firm life before, and weren't eager to return.

Before going in-house, Stone had been a senior associate at Allen Matkins Leck Gamble & Mallory. Co-founder Pamela Lakey had been an associate at Brobeck, Phleger & Harrison, while Sara Steppe had been a partner at Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe.

Stone and other escapees agree it wasn't so much the hours, but the lack of control over when they were required. If the goal is working less, Stone said, starting a business from scratch isn't the way to achieve it.

Hours at Steppe, Stone & Lakey rise and fall with the work. "It comes in cycles," said Lakey, whose firm has since added five lawyers. "During the first few cycles, when the work slowed down we would get nervous. But now, if it's slow for a week or two, we know the cycles and we can appreciate the downtime and find that balance in our lives."

For Ellen Friedman, Cecily Dumas and Jane Springwater, who opened Friedman, Dumas & Springwater in April, the spark had a different source.

The three were happy at San Francisco insolvency and commercial finance boutique Murphy Sheneman Julian & Rogers. But that firm's merger this year with Chicago's Winston & Strawn created a conflict with a major client. Rather than take the work to another established firm, Dumas and her colleagues chose what they saw as the next career step.

"It was a new challenge -- having a firm where my name is on the door," said Dumas. "You're doing the same thing as working for a larger firm, but it's your own. It was the next logical professional challenge," said Dumas. "I want a legacy when I retire, and I want to provide jobs and professional satisfaction for the people who work here."

Friedman, who says the firm has gotten off to a good start with work from Hewlett-Packard Co., Cisco Systems Inc. and GE Capital, agrees that "it's not a matter of hours. It's a question of decision-making and being at the forefront of that and being able to set policies."

All three of these boutiques report booming business, attributing that to their ability to offer partner-level services for a lower cost than much larger firms can. As businesses continue to cut costs in a dour economy, many clients are looking to boutiques for lower billing rates, attorneys say.

Andrew McCullough, general counsel of Century Theatres, said his decision to send work to Miller's management-side employment boutique made good sense.

"Having sampled both -- we have used large employment firms before -- I came into it with perspective," McCullough said. "When she staffed a particular matter we knew we'd have a high-caliber attorney working on it. Michele Miller left a big firm to create an environment that would allow her to charge less."

Miller's firm now has five attorneys -- all women and all big-firm refugees -- and a client list that includes the Pepsi Bottling Group Inc., Chevron-Texaco Corp., Century Theatres Inc. and The North Face Inc.

Leaving big-firm life to start your own shop isn't without risks. Miller said the first year was tough.

Now, though, she says she makes more money than she did as an equity partner at Crosby, Heafey. While her billing rates are $150 to $200 lower than they were, there's less overhead. "If you stabilize your attorneys and client base, most people at boutiques make the equivalent of what partners make at most mid-size firms," she said.

At Steppe, Stone & Lakey, partners charge $100 to $150 less than they did at their previous firms.

Lakey said she and her colleagues made very little money in their first year of business. "We made capital contributions and decided to go for it for a year. We bypassed taking any money from the firm," she said.

Lakey won't say how much she's making now. But, she says, "if I weren't covering my bills and I didn't enjoy the work and the people, I wouldn't do it."

Angela Bradstreet, a former president of the Bar Association of San Francisco and a partner at 76-lawyer Carroll, Burdick & McDonough, wants to see big firms put up more of a fight for women like Lakey.

In her "No Glass Ceiling" initiative, Bradstreet has called on Bay Area firms to offer lawyers greater flexibility. She wants to see part-time programs "with some teeth," adding that the option makes financial sense. "Statistics show that part-time attorneys are equally if not more profitable than full-time attorneys. These days, people are always accessible by cell phone," Bradstreet says. "How is a mother at a playground less accessible than an attorney in depositions for a week?"

Of course, the same could be said of fathers.

Like Friedman and Dumas, Miller and Stone say their firms' lack of gender diversity is not by design. Miller said it's simply that more women than men have applied. "It's just the way it's happened. We would have no issue with hiring anyone competent, but I don't find that many men calling me saying 'that's the lifestyle I want,'" Miller explained.

But for male attorneys hoping to make the jump to one of these boutiques someday, there is hope. Steppe, Stone & Lakey recently hired its first male attorney and Friedman, Dumas & Springwater already has two.

[viet_mom]

Thank goodness for a forum where different parents can give input. I had been thinking Vietbabe was teething a long time ago. She was not. But now she is. First tooth. Felt that razor sharp edge of a tooth coming in about a few days ago. Today, I actually see the whole top of it coming through (bottom front of course).

Here's the thing - I don't know if some new behavior is teething related or not so if anyone can help I'd sure appreciate it. New behavior:

Usually, she's happy-go-lucky and b/c she's walking already, I hold her a bit when she gets up in the morning or a nap but then put her down on the floor where she can walk around, play with toys, etc. Over the last few days, she cries non-stop unless I am holding her. And standing while you're holding her, of course. When I put her down to play with her on the floor, she flails her body around, throws her head back and cries.

So there it is. Is this teething related do you think? Or is she in a stage where she is so clingy that she cries when I put her down? I don't know what to do!! If she's in pain I want to hold her, but I held her so long yesterday I ended up walking around my backyard sobbing myself!!

(Of course, it doesn't help that I found out Sunday night that the babysitter had gone and left the country over the July 4th weekend and wouldn't be "coming back to work for a month." Huh? Yes it was the slacker I never fired. Oh give me strength!!!)

It is most likely teething-related. LittleRitz had no teeth until after age one and then started getting them all at once - it seems like they come in in 2's and 4's so Vietbabe may have another one that you haven't noticed yet.

LittleRitz was extremely clingy during the teething period - I think that they can't understand why they are in pain or that it is only a temporary situation and are looking for you to make things better. Once the teeth came in, he was back to his usual self. The only thing that seemed to really help was Tylenol or Motrin. Orajel would give him some relief for a few minutes but wore off quickly. I also tried one of those teethers that can go in the refrigerator (or freezer although the directions say not to put it in the freezer - I did but not to the point where it was frozen solid). That also seemed to help. The best thing that I can say about teething is that it doesn't last forever.

Good luck.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
I think I'm developing a crush on Kim Possible.

Ever find yourself alone in front of the TV, turn it on and (unsurprisingly) find it tuned to Disney Channel, see Kim Possible on, and ... you find yourself engrossed in the episode?

If the FB has mancrushes, perhaps this is a cartooncrush.

Maybe AA can make room for us.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by Ritz
It is most likely teething-related. ...
The only thing that seemed to really help was Tylenol or Motrin.

I agree. According to our Ped, it's better to alternate Tylenol and Motrin rather than give another dose of one or the other sooner than indicated on the box (one's every four and the other every six, I forget which). They can even be given at the same time because they are completely different types of medication and work in different ways (the same is not true for other adult pain relievers - aspirin, Motrin, Aleve, etc are all in the same family, and so should not be taken together, although can be taken with Tylenol).

We found the cool rings helped some, but only a little or only when the pain was minimal. The baltspawn also like chewing on washcloths, either dry or cool and wet.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Gattigap
Ever find yourself alone in front of the TV, turn it on and (unsurprisingly) find it tuned to Disney Channel, see Kim Possible on, and ... you find yourself engrossed in the episode?

I Tivo it. I'm shameless. That is one sweet, sweet piece of cartoon ass.



(Before anybody gets too upset, please note that Kim is voiced by a young woman who is quite real and quite legal in all 50 states, and probably drawn by a team of balding fat guys who are also quite legal, although perhaps a little lecherous.)

[MisterEbola]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
I Tivo it. I'm shameless. That is one sweet, sweet piece of cartoon ass.

Noting also that her midriff is about the same diameter as her arm.

No wonder why some girls get insecurity complexes.

[cheval de frise]

L_P (and anyone else who's dealt with this issue), when did your kids start sucking their thumbs? Little chevy is four months old and has just discovered his opposable digit. Before, he liked to suck occasionally on the heel of his hand. He does it in his crib sometimes (self-soothing), when he's hungry, and when he's lying under the Gymini or when nobody is paying direct attention to him that minute (bored?). He doesn't do it when actively playing/interacting with people.

Is this something chevette and I need to be worried about at this age? Should we actively, but gently, try to discourage it? We've never used a pacifier - the one or two times we tried, when he was about eight weeks old, he rejected it out of hand.

Any advice would be appreciated...thanks!

Chevy

[Edited to clarify that the question is age-related - at four months, do we need to address it now? (Is this early or late for the beginning of thumb-sucking?) Is it just a phase? So many questions...and the little ones don't come with a manual. ]

[purse junkie]

Friend is having second baby boy imminently (1st is about 2 years old), so they've got a ton of gear and spit-up-on baby boy clothes already. I have no kids and am clueless. What do/don't parents need or want as a gift for the new baby in this situation?

Many thanks.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by purse junkie
Friend is having second baby boy imminently (1st is about 2 years old), so they've got a ton of gear and spit-up-on baby boy clothes already. I have no kids and am clueless. What do/don't parents need or want as a gift for the new baby in this situation?

Don't get them any things. Having Baby 1 these days overfills your house with things, some of which are discovered to be useless. Get them delivered meals --- try to find a local freelance caterer, a person who works out of em's home etc. who will deliver, say, two cooked meals a week for the first month. This will be pricey, so go in on it with some friends.

Do this, and you will be remembered in their nightly prayers for the rest of their lives.

Originally posted by PJ
Friend is having second baby boy imminently (1st is about 2 years old), so they've got a ton of gear and spit-up-on baby boy clothes already. I have no kids and am clueless. What do/don't parents need or want as a gift for the new baby in this situation?

How 'bout a certificate for a day of maid or overnight nanny service, food gift certificates (for non-pizza places that deliver), gift cert. for babysitting and a spa for mom, your own time watching the kid while mom takes a shower or nap, or food you actually make yourself (casserole, lasagne, etc) wrapped for the freezer?

You could also go with items for when the kids are older, nice photo albums (they'll get used eventually) gift certificate for diapers, or a gift certificate for any kids store that she can use to buy whatever they need. Also, books for kids are always fine gifts.

-TL

Edited to add that whatever you take, also take something small (token gift - nothing $$$) and wrapped for #1 - a big brother gift. The parents will appreciate it and #1 will not feel so left out of all the fuss.