imaginary friends to fill the void that is your gaping gash.

[cheese grits]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I can masturbate quietly, but I can't have sex very quietly, though I've tried. I have recently discovered that I am not alone in this. Anyone else?

Just in case there are dream weavers out there, I had a strange dream last night that perhaps you can interpret.

I found out where Superstar sitcom actress Rue McLanahan (maude, Golden Girls) lived, and I went to her house late at night. Nobody appeared to be home, so I started peeping through the windows and could see lots of appropriately cool stuff. I thought about masturbating outside her bedroom window, but then figured, nah, I'll leave that for another night. I need time to plan out the fantasy a bit more. As I was leaving Rue McLanahan came home and caught me about to leave her yard. She seemed concerned at first but then we started chatting like a couple of old school chums. Up close, I realized that she was about 90 years old and looked a bit worse for the wear and tear. I decided not to come back and masturbate, and felt a bit guilty about the whole escapade. Then she invited me into the house for a tour. It was sparsely furnished but there were lots of cats. A gaggle of cats. I was stunned at the number of cats.

At one point I noticed a little hamster floating in one of the many cat bowl’s of milk in one of the rooms. Rue remarked in a matter of fact way "oh, the poor little bugger must have fallen in there and drowned". Feeling a bit queasy at her non-chalant attitude I scooped up the limp body of the hamster in my hand and administered a pseudo form of CPR. All of sudden a squirt of water came out of it's mouth and nostrils and it began breathing.

I saved the hamster’s life. It seemed grateful and Rue had a smile on her face. I had distinct feeling of self-satisfaction. I had given something back.

Then I startled out of my dream infused sleep and immediately farted. Loudly. I also found I had morning wood. Weird, huh?


cheese grits

[Diane_Keaton]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Very strange, I have to say I would have preferred her to keep her mouth shut, or talk about something more on point.

Dicta can be unexpectedly sexy. Loosen up.

[SlaveNoMore]

cheese grits
I saved the hamster’s life.

But did you go to Cambodia?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
"Susan's desire for sex had vanished along with her depressed mood.

'I kind of miss it, but I feel really bad for my husband, who's getting very frustrated,' she said. "

Great, a psycho who won't put out. I would have just nailed one of the paras in the office.

Did you miss the part about the orgasm for no reason at the store and her wanting it more than she ever had before after Our Hero, Wellbutrin, stepped in?

[Diane_Keaton]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Did you miss the part about the orgasm for no reason at the store

Okay I assume you're talking about some article that requires a subscription so whatever. But this reminds me -- have any of the ladies in the house ever had a dream and woke up having a real life orgasm? (Duh, this is common for guys but not so common for girls) That has happened about 5 times or so and it really rocks. This is distinguishable from where you orgasm in the dream itself, and then when you wake up you think you can achieve the real thing in under 2 seconds by building from the dream orgasm and then you realize you're not building on anything and starting from scratch and you're too tired, so fuck it?

No? Me neither.

[cheese grits]

Originally posted by Diane_Keaton
Okay I assume you're talking about some article that requires a subscription so whatever. But this reminds me -- have any of the ladies in the house ever had a dream and woke up having a real life orgasm? .

I had the dream I detailed above and then woke up and had a real life fart. has that ever happened to you? Its not an orgasm but it is slightly pleasurable in pressure relieving way.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by Diane_Keaton But this reminds me -- have any of the ladies in the house ever had a dream and woke up having a real life orgasm? (Duh, this is common for guys but not so common for girls)

It's not common for girls? Huh. I thought it was just par for the course. Happens to me a few times a month, on average. More lately--increased libido seems to be one way this pregnancy is happily differing from the previous one.

tm

[Diane_Keaton]

Originally posted by tmdiva
It's not common for girls? Huh. I thought it was just par for the course. Happens to me a few times a month, on average. More lately--increased libido seems to be one way this pregnancy is happily differing from the previous one.

tm

You preggos can be pretty hot. If I ever cross to the other side I might try a preggo.

As for whether it's common, I think it is common to wake up from a dream in which you had an orgasm (even if you didn't remember the dream) and it really really seems you had a real orgasm. Ok, that happens a decent amount but I'm talking about something different. You wake up totally in the throes, and when it's done you have the full after effects: that tinny taste in the mouth, the twitching vaginal walls that you can almost hear going "thump thump thump". You know, the real Mick Coy.

[lookingformarket]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
You say this like the target audience for this look is women. NTTAWWT.

At some point, all women get old and needy enough to go for it.

[cheese grits]

Originally posted by Diane_Keaton
If I ever cross to the other side I might try a preggo.

that sounds sexy, please elaborate? Would you consider schtupping a preggo with a schtrap-on?

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Did you miss the part about the orgasm for no reason at the store and her wanting it more than she ever had before after Our Hero, Wellbutrin, stepped in?

Umm, did you miss the point? A women who can cum just from shopping sure won't need a husband around.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by Diane_Keaton
But this reminds me -- have any of the ladies in the house ever had a dream and woke up having a real life orgasm?

No but I had a dream I shitted my pants and . . . well you get it.

Hey brother, I need a miracle, are you scalping any Crowes tickets? Someone bought em all offf the fan website before this fan could log on.

Seriously.

[cheese grits]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
No but I had a dream I shitted my pants and . . . well you get it.

did you have also have some wood when you woke up?

[LessinSF]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
What's so extreme about this?

It's in Iraq.