Meh.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
My colleague received this email from a fellow attorney. Would anyone go for this? There was a picture of a long, but needle-like penis attached. Guy is named Hoffman so we know he is circumcised. I don't know how to upload it. I can forward it to anyone interested. Also, I have contact info if this is your cup of tea. Here it is:

Do you want, no, NEED to be licked and sucked into ecstacy and then fucked hard, for hours? Are you looking for a real, true, honest man to pull your hair while you get pounded from behind? Are you really just a filthy little girl, looking for the one guy who can do you justice? Does a fit, muscular body and a strong heart and soul turn you on? Do you want to be licked, sucked, teased, and fucked, worshipped, and worship me in return....like the sex queen you know you are? Are you so sexy that you cant believe it yourself? Do you think about want your face being cock_slapped? Light, or hard?Do you constantly play with your pussy, dreaming of someone who could do all the things to you that you really want, but are maybe scared to ask for?

I'm a real man, fit and attractive, tall and muscular, and very unsatisfied. Are you out there? Have you been looking for me as hard as I have been looking for you? If you answered yes to these questions......there's only one way to find out.

And please be ready.........we do not want to waste alot of time e_mailing as we are adults who know what we want, aren't we?

"a lot" is TWO WORDS, dammit. No go.

[SlaveNoMore]

Fashionable But Anonymous
My colleague received this email from a fellow attorney. Would anyone go for this? There was a picture of a long, but needle-like penis attached. Guy is named Hoffman so we know he is circumcised. I don't know how to upload it. I can forward it to anyone interested. Also, I have contact info if this is your cup of tea. Here it is:

Do you want, no, NEED to be licked and sucked into ecstacy and then fucked hard, for hours? Are you looking for a real, true, honest man to pull your hair while you get pounded from behind? Are you really just a filthy little girl, looking for the one guy who can do you justice? Does a fit, muscular body and a strong heart and soul turn you on? Do you want to be licked, sucked, teased, and fucked, worshipped, and worship me in return....like the sex queen you know you are? Are you so sexy that you cant believe it yourself? Do you think about want your face being cock_slapped? Light, or hard?Do you constantly play with your pussy, dreaming of someone who could do all the things to you that you really want, but are maybe scared to ask for?

I'm a real man, fit and attractive, tall and muscular, and very unsatisfied. Are you out there? Have you been looking for me as hard as I have been looking for you? If you answered yes to these questions......there's only one way to find out.

And please be ready.........we do not want to waste alot of time e_mailing as we are adults who know what we want, aren't we?

Forward the e-mail to paigowprincess@yahoo.com. She's probably desperate enough.

[Diane_Keaton]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
My colleague received this email from a fellow attorney. Would anyone go for this?

Are you so sexy that you cant believe it yourself?

Yep.

Do you want, no, NEED to be licked and sucked into ecstacy...

Sure.

... to pull your hair while you get pounded from behind?

No.

Do you want to be licked, sucked, teased, and fucked, worshipped....like the sex queen you know you are?

Yes. Come and get me Hoffman.

[Hank Chinaski]

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-gotsometeeth.html

SFW. I think this would be a good luck sign.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I knew it. What a finish!

Knew what?

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
My colleague received this email from a fellow attorney. Would anyone go for this? There was a picture of a long, but needle-like penis attached. Guy is named Hoffman so we know he is circumcised. I don't know how to upload it. I can forward it to anyone interested. Also, I have contact info if this is your cup of tea. Here it is:

Do you want, no, NEED to be licked and sucked into ecstacy and then fucked hard, for hours? Are you looking for a real, true, honest man to pull your hair while you get pounded from behind? Are you really just a filthy little girl, looking for the one guy who can do you justice? Does a fit, muscular body and a strong heart and soul turn you on? Do you want to be licked, sucked, teased, and fucked, worshipped, and worship me in return....like the sex queen you know you are? Are you so sexy that you cant believe it yourself? Do you think about want your face being cock_slapped? Light, or hard?Do you constantly play with your pussy, dreaming of someone who could do all the things to you that you really want, but are maybe scared to ask for?

I'm a real man, fit and attractive, tall and muscular, and very unsatisfied. Are you out there? Have you been looking for me as hard as I have been looking for you? If you answered yes to these questions......there's only one way to find out.

And please be ready.........we do not want to waste alot of time e_mailing as we are adults who know what we want, aren't we?

Beyond additional grammatical and spelling errors to what was pointed out by fringey, this is one of the most unsexy come-ons ever. It reads like text from a cheesy porn site, if a porn site were to have that much text.

[dtb]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
My colleague received this email from a fellow attorney. Would anyone go for this? There was a picture of a long, but needle-like penis attached. Guy is named Hoffman so we know he is circumcised. I don't know how to upload it. I can forward it to anyone interested. Also, I have contact info if this is your cup of tea. Here it is:

Do you want, no, NEED to be licked and sucked into ecstacy and then fucked hard, for hours? Are you looking for a real, true, honest man to pull your hair while you get pounded from behind? Are you really just a filthy little girl, looking for the one guy who can do you justice? Does a fit, muscular body and a strong heart and soul turn you on? Do you want to be licked, sucked, teased, and fucked, worshipped, and worship me in return....like the sex queen you know you are? Are you so sexy that you cant believe it yourself? Do you think about want your face being cock_slapped? Light, or hard?Do you constantly play with your pussy, dreaming of someone who could do all the things to you that you really want, but are maybe scared to ask for?

I'm a real man, fit and attractive, tall and muscular, and very unsatisfied. Are you out there? Have you been looking for me as hard as I have been looking for you? If you answered yes to these questions......there's only one way to find out.

And please be ready.........we do not want to waste alot of time e_mailing as we are adults who know what we want, aren't we?

That is so hot. Your colleague is one lucky gal. Surely she responded?

[dtb]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
"a lot" is TWO WORDS, dammit. No go.

I thought that was done on purpose -- adding to the allure. Natch.

eta What I don't understand is this aversion to e-mailing that has reached epidemic proportions. Though for those as unskilled in the ways of grammar, spelling and usage as this gentleman, I can imagine e-mailing prematurely unmasks those shortcomings.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
My colleague received this email from a fellow attorney. Would anyone go for this? There was a picture of a long, but needle-like penis attached. Guy is named Hoffman so we know he is circumcised. I don't know how to upload it. I can forward it to anyone interested. Also, I have contact info if this is your cup of tea. Here it is:

Do you want, no, NEED to be licked and sucked into ecstacy and then fucked hard, for hours? Are you looking for a real, true, honest man to pull your hair while you get pounded from behind? Are you really just a filthy little girl, looking for the one guy who can do you justice? Does a fit, muscular body and a strong heart and soul turn you on? Do you want to be licked, sucked, teased, and fucked, worshipped, and worship me in return....like the sex queen you know you are? Are you so sexy that you cant believe it yourself? Do you think about want your face being cock_slapped? Light, or hard?Do you constantly play with your pussy, dreaming of someone who could do all the things to you that you really want, but are maybe scared to ask for?

I'm a real man, fit and attractive, tall and muscular, and very unsatisfied. Are you out there? Have you been looking for me as hard as I have been looking for you? If you answered yes to these questions......there's only one way to find out.

And please be ready.........we do not want to waste alot of time e_mailing as we are adults who know what we want, aren't we?

We need more background.

How does she know this guy is an actual attorney? Did she meet him on some online site? Is there a chance they work at the same firm? Is he sending out ridiculous emails to anyone he thinks is a lawyer? To anyone at all? If you are female, why didn't you get one?

I think someone is playing a practical joke on this guy. Your friend should keep looking.

TM

[Hank Chinaski]

I need a ruling/ analysis

Sunday night for dinner, we're choosing between a few restaurants. first choices are restuarants with cocktails.

Anyway, because one diner is a vegatarian, we can't agree on any. So we end up in this new Himalian place. You have to take your shoes off, and you kneel at a low table- AND NO ALCOHOL.

The guy comes to take our drink order, "this tea or that tea?"

I ask if we can also order food now- it took 10 minutes for him to get over to even take the drink order. He says okay- but warns us that everything is cooked to order by him, and it takes a long time. We say okay.

No food comes out for a really long time. He has 1 woman helping him, and we get no water refill, no one checks if we want another drink- nothing. So on the way to the bathroom I ask her to bring me a tea- 15 minutes later she brings it. My wife asks for another tea right then. 10 minutes later we get the food. We're done eating about 20 minutes after that and they finally bring her tea as she gets up to leave. I stay to pay the bill, and he makes clear we've bought the tea- "Do you want it in a to-go cup?"

Anyway- bill finally comes, and as I'm paying it he says "Have a nice life!" kind of under his breath. I say "wait why do you think you'll never see me again?" He says he hopes all his customers come back, etc.

Question- I realize I behaved not in keeping with tibetian principals or some shit- I realize I should have appreciated the time to savor the anticipation of the tea and food- but what I don't know is if "have a nice life" is the simple "Fuck you" it seemed to be. Is that some Buddist parting thing, just as a wish in case you don't see them again?

I'm betting it meant "fuck you Hank," but I'm hoping whoever it was that knew "Namaste" might have a different perspective.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I need a ruling/ analysis

Sunday night for dinner, we're choosing between a few restaurants. first choices are restuarants with cocktails.

Anyway, because one diner is a vegatarian, we can't agree on any. So we end up in this new Himalian place. You have to take your shoes off, and you kneel at a low table- AND NO ALCOHOL.

The guy comes to take our drink order, "this tea or that tea?"

I ask if we can also order food now- it took 10 minutes for him to get over to even take the drink order. He says okay- but warns us that everything is cooked to order by him, and it takes a long time. We say okay.

No food comes out for a really long time. He has 1 woman helping him, and we get no water refill, no one checks if we want another drink- nothing. So on the way to the bathroom I ask her to bring me a tea- 15 minutes later she brings it. My wife asks for another tea right then. 10 minutes later we get the food. We're done eating about 20 minutes after that and they finally bring her tea as she gets up to leave. I stay to pay the bill, and he makes clear we've bought the tea- "Do you want it in a to-go cup?"

Anyway- bill finally comes, and as I'm paying it he says "Have a nice life!" kind of under his breath. I say "wait why do you think you'll never see me again?" He says he hopes all his customers come back, etc.

Question- I realize I behaved not in keeping with tibetian principals or some shit- I realize I should have appreciated the time to savor the anticipation of the tea and food- but what I don't know is if "have a nice life" is the simple "Fuck you" it seemed to be. Is that some Buddist parting thing, just as a wish in case you don't see them again?

I'm betting it meant "fuck you Hank," but I'm hoping whoever it was that knew "Namaste" might have a different perspective.

I think it means that you should stop hanging out with vegetarians.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I need a ruling/ analysis

Sunday night for dinner, we're choosing between a few restaurants. first choices are restuarants with cocktails.

Anyway, because one diner is a vegatarian, we can't agree on any. So we end up in this new Himalian place. You have to take your shoes off, and you kneel at a low table- AND NO ALCOHOL.

The guy comes to take our drink order, "this tea or that tea?"

I ask if we can also order food now- it took 10 minutes for him to get over to even take the drink order. He says okay- but warns us that everything is cooked to order by him, and it takes a long time. We say okay.

No food comes out for a really long time. He has 1 woman helping him, and we get no water refill, no one checks if we want another drink- nothing. So on the way to the bathroom I ask her to bring me a tea- 15 minutes later she brings it. My wife asks for another tea right then. 10 minutes later we get the food. We're done eating about 20 minutes after that and they finally bring her tea as she gets up to leave. I stay to pay the bill, and he makes clear we've bought the tea- "Do you want it in a to-go cup?"

Anyway- bill finally comes, and as I'm paying it he says "Have a nice life!" kind of under his breath. I say "wait why do you think you'll never see me again?" He says he hopes all his customers come back, etc.

Question- I realize I behaved not in keeping with tibetian principals or some shit- I realize I should have appreciated the time to savor the anticipation of the tea and food- but what I don't know is if "have a nice life" is the simple "Fuck you" it seemed to be. Is that some Buddist parting thing, just as a wish in case you don't see them again?

I'm betting it meant "fuck you Hank," but I'm hoping whoever it was that knew "Namaste" might have a different perspective.

I like "himalian" and "tibetian principals". Thank you.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I need a ruling/ analysis

Sunday night for dinner, we're choosing between a few restaurants. first choices are restuarants with cocktails.

Anyway, because one diner is a vegatarian, we can't agree on any. So we end up in this new Himalian place. You have to take your shoes off, and you kneel at a low table- AND NO ALCOHOL.

The guy comes to take our drink order, "this tea or that tea?"

I ask if we can also order food now- it took 10 minutes for him to get over to even take the drink order. He says okay- but warns us that everything is cooked to order by him, and it takes a long time. We say okay.

No food comes out for a really long time. He has 1 woman helping him, and we get no water refill, no one checks if we want another drink- nothing. So on the way to the bathroom I ask her to bring me a tea- 15 minutes later she brings it. My wife asks for another tea right then. 10 minutes later we get the food. We're done eating about 20 minutes after that and they finally bring her tea as she gets up to leave. I stay to pay the bill, and he makes clear we've bought the tea- "Do you want it in a to-go cup?"

Anyway- bill finally comes, and as I'm paying it he says "Have a nice life!" kind of under his breath. I say "wait why do you think you'll never see me again?" He says he hopes all his customers come back, etc.

Question- I realize I behaved not in keeping with tibetian principals or some shit- I realize I should have appreciated the time to savor the anticipation of the tea and food- but what I don't know is if "have a nice life" is the simple "Fuck you" it seemed to be. Is that some Buddist parting thing, just as a wish in case you don't see them again?

I'm betting it meant "fuck you Hank," but I'm hoping whoever it was that knew "Namaste" might have a different perspective.

There's a Himalian restaurant in Detroit? How am I ever gonna believe another of your farfetched stories again? sniff.

[Not Bob's Id]

The proprietors of internet phenomenon Not Bob, in response to huge consumer demand, have instituted an exciting new feature --- Ask Not Bob's Id!

Need advice about love, lust, or billable hours? Just do what millions have already done -- Ask Not Bob's Id! Here's some of the questions that Not Bob's Id has already answered . . .

• Dear Not Bob's Id:
  
  I am a regular poster on an internet chat board, and although I am a woman, a bunch of mean boys call me a man. How can I get them to stop?
  
  Sincerely,
  
  I Really Am SO A Girl

Dear Girl:

What kind of hairstyl . . . uh, I mean, gender confusion and the internet go together like tequilla shots and short term memory failure. Just ask Mr. Man.

Anyway, I'd suggest that you try not to let it bother you. Heck, the "mean boys" may actually be girls. But send me the pictures anyway.

Love,

Not Bob's Id

• Dear Not Bob's Id:
  
  I've read a lot of posts about fringey's alleged craigslist ad, and about her liking noirish sex, and I'm a bit confused by it all. Help me out a bit. Did slave and paigow really sleep together?
  
  You da man!
  
  Confused in Chicago

Dear Sebby:

Nice try. You're too selfish for fringey.

Love,

Not Bob's Id

• Dear Not Bob's Id:
  
  Are all of the chick's hear addicted to grammar porn?
  
  Saddly,
  
  Poorly written in Peoria

Dear Hank:

Yup. But it works if you're willing to be, ah, schooled. Ask shifty.

Love,

Not Bob's id

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I think it means that you should stop hanging out with vegetarians.

Vegetarians are fine. Selfish vegetarians who constantly remind you of their vegetarianism are intolerable. Just like gay men who remind you every thirty seconds that they're gay. We get it. We have no problem with it. We never have. Now shut up.