General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
We took a birthing class led by a doula, whom we concluded was a total flake. We had no interest in having her anywhere near the delivery. Surely other doulas are less flaky, though.

Surely. We did a lot of hippie-dippy things around both of our kids' births, but we skipped the doula each time, even though we were connected with several opportunities for various reasons. We decided that it seemed like a pretty intimate moment into which to bring a paid stranger --- and no, we didn't regard our midwife as a stranger either time.* We also decided that good birth or bad birth, we wanted it to be remembered on our own ability to rise to the occasion. In other words, I had to be The Guy.

That said, we learned at our second birth that another hand on the other side of the laboring woman is appreciated. It helps, but is not essential, that the woman have given birth herself once or twice, although in our case she hadn't. Find a caring person in your life who already means something to you, other than your spouse, and you will have a rewarding experience. Being told that you're brave and strong is great, but it's 30 times greater when you're told that by someone who really loves you.

I've never met anyone who's said "shoulda had a doula" or "shouldn'ta had a doula." No harm in it.

*Also, as strange as she was, she was paid by the insurance company, so if she was a paid stranger she wasn't paid by me.

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
I'm just going to be more preemptive and have all my kids cloned while they are still alive, and freeze most of them for later.

Freezing's good `cause you just can never have enough of something. But here its especially good b/c when your kids are in their 30's and claim what angels they were as kids, you can unfreeze a few of them and introduce them as refuting evidence.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by viet_mom
Freezing's good `cause you just can never have enough of something. But here its especially good b/c when your kids are in their 30's and claim what angels they were as kids, you can unfreeze a few of them and introduce them as refuting evidence.

Why not just get a video camera, record their worst food-flinging moments and other tantrums, and then trot that sucker out at convenient times, including weddings and such?

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Why not just get a video camera, record their worst food-flinging moments and other tantrums, and then trot that sucker out at convenient times, including weddings and such?

More effective (and vengeful) to wait for them to turn 30 and then lock them in a room with their toddler selves** for a whole weekend. Videos can be ignored unlike one's toddler self.

**Oh sorry. I meant later born twinself.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by viet_mom
More effective (and vengeful) to wait for them to turn 30 and then lock them in a room with their toddler selves** for a whole weekend. Videos can be ignored unlike one's toddler self.

**Oh sorry. I meant later born twinself.

Except that the second time around you'll be able to do everything right and they won't be terrors at all.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by viet_mom
More effective (and vengeful) to wait for them to turn 30 and then lock them in a room with their toddler selves** for a whole weekend. Videos can be ignored unlike one's toddler self.

**Oh sorry. I meant later born twinself.

Yes. In theory communisms works.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Except that the second time around you'll be able to do everything right and they won't be terrors at all.

Yeah. Right. "Second time"? Freeze the little suckers.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch

I've never met anyone who's said "shoulda had a doula" or "shouldn'ta had a doula." No harm in it.

I ended up wishing I'd had a doula the first time. My husband is wonderful, and he went to all the Bradley classes with me, but our relationship is not structured in such a way (and his personality is not such) that he can take charge and tell me what to do, which is what I really needed during hard labor and transition. My mom was a good leg holder (better than my husband), but it would have been even better to have someone there who was a little more active before the pushing stage, encouraging different positions, telling me to go ahead and throw up (it's very productive in labor), etc.

That reminds me--I need to start looking for one.

Oh, and btw, it's a boy, and a big strapping one to boot. We know exactly when he was conceived (since it happened in a petri dish), but the ultrasound tech said based on his size she would have given him a due date about 10 days earlier. I'm a little sad I'll almost surely never have a girl, but I'll just have to take my nieces shopping a lot.

tm

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by tmdiva
My husband is wonderful, and he went to all the Bradley classes with me, but our relationship is not structured in such a way (and his personality is not such) that he can take charge and tell me what to do, which is what I really need...was a good leg holder (better than my husband), but it would have been even better to have someone there who was a little more active before the pushing stage, encouraging different positions...

No wonder you're dreaming about me.

TM

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Surely. We did a lot of hippie-dippy things around both of our kids' births, but we skipped the doula each time, even though we were connected with several opportunities for various reasons. We decided that it seemed like a pretty intimate moment into which to bring a paid stranger --- and no, we didn't regard our midwife as a stranger either time.* We also decided that good birth or bad birth, we wanted it to be remembered on our own ability to rise to the occasion. In other words, I had to be The Guy.

That said, we learned at our second birth that another hand on the other side of the laboring woman is appreciated. It helps, but is not essential, that the woman have given birth herself once or twice, although in our case she hadn't. Find a caring person in your life who already means something to you, other than your spouse, and you will have a rewarding experience. Being told that you're brave and strong is great, but it's 30 times greater when you're told that by someone who really loves you.

I've never met anyone who's said "shoulda had a doula" or "shouldn'ta had a doula." No harm in it.

*Also, as strange as she was, she was paid by the insurance company, so if she was a paid stranger she wasn't paid by me.

Whenever you write about your family I just get a warm feeling- you are truly blessed, but i suspect you earn the blessings!

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Whenever you write about your family I just get a warm feeling- you are truly blessed, but i suspect you earn the blessings!

So, did he loan you the money?

[Atticus Grinch]

Worst. Divorce. Evah.

[viet_mom]

[Long rant about Schiavo case] Views anyone on the husband as the guardian?

[Techielawyer]

Definitely worth it. If you think you want to deliver naturally I would highly recommend a doula, regardless of how supportive your spouse may be. You can certainly find down-to-earth doulas who will support you if you decide mid-way through that you want narcotics or an epidural. But they are most useful obviously if you want to give yourself a better chance of doing it naturally and avoid additional interventions.

I delivered naturally (despite being given pitocin) but I probably would've thrown in the towel and gotten an epidural had I not had the support of a doula. It's important that you think the personality fit is a good one, even if you still feel like the personal is a relative stranger. She'll be less of a stranger than your nurse and likely MUCH more helpful and comforting.

It may see, like a lot of $$$ (and generally insurance won't cover it) but if you have the cash and want to deliver naturally, it's totally worth it.

Good luck!
Techielawyer

(mom to a happy 7 mo old)

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by viet_mom
[Long rant about Schiavo case] Views anyone on the husband as the guardian?

Here's a pretty good summary of the case so far: http://abstractappeal.com/schiavo/infopage.html

I actually admire the husband in some ways because I think he is sticking to his convictions about what she would want. The easier thing for him to do would have been to give up custody and let her parents keep her alive. And in response to the inevitable follow-up, no, I don't think he's doing it for the money. Why put yourself through the public scorn and hatred for some bit of cash?