Toronto Trim's Hotel Cum Drop-in Centre

[Iron Steve]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
sure, but weren't they together for a few years? the guy is just back from an extremely intense few months. I would think you should see how he is a few months after he gets back before deciding to dump his ass.

Example: a friend sailed across the Atlantic with 2 other guys. For several weeks it was just the three of them. For the first few weeks after he got back, he couldn't deal with crowds. He go to parties and we'd find him sitting alone in the yard- he had been pretty social, so it was wierd. turns out he just had to ease back into being with people. After a bit he was the same as he had been.

Lunchbox boy had just gotten back from a trek where he frequently could have died at any moment. For weeks (months?) he was with a small group enduring physical hardship.

He came back to civilization and make a few selfish choices? I think there is a chance that might have been transient behavior. OTOH, someone who would climb Mt. everst is probably so into themselves as to be bad boyfriend material, but that would have been true from the start.

I'm just saying he might change back to the same acceptable level of selfishness if given time.

These types of self-centereds can be broken, but it takes many years. No offence.

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
sure, but weren't they together for a few years? the guy is just back from an extremely intense few months. I would think you should see how he is a few months after he gets back before deciding to dump his ass.

Example: a friend sailed across the Atlantic with 2 other guys. For several weeks it was just the three of them. For the first few weeks after he got back, he couldn't deal with crowds. He go to parties and we'd find him sitting alone in the yard- he had been pretty social, so it was wierd. turns out he just had to ease back into being with people. After a bit he was the same as he had been.

Lunchbox boy had just gotten back from a trek where he frequently could have died at any moment. For weeks (months?) he was with a small group enduring physical hardship.

He came back to civilization and make a few selfish choices? I think there is a chance that might have been transient behavior. OTOH, someone who would climb Mt. everst is probably so into themselves as to be bad boyfriend material, but that would have been true from the start.

I'm just saying he might change back to the same acceptable level of selfishness if given time.

No, not transient, visceral. There's a hell of a lot more going on here than is safe to post. And if he needs to be selfish after spending three months doing the ultimate act of selfishness (think of the starving people he could have fed with teh 45k he wasted trying to get himself to the top of the world) then I say fuck em. I'm done. WHy in the hell stick around once you've said "I'm done" there's no point. I'm just not interested. No sense wasting anyone's time.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
sure, but weren't they together for a few years? the guy is just back from an extremely intense few months. I would think you should see how he is a few months after he gets back before deciding to dump his ass.

Example: a friend sailed across the Atlantic with 2 other guys. For several weeks it was just the three of them. For the first few weeks after he got back, he couldn't deal with crowds. He go to parties and we'd find him sitting alone in the yard- he had been pretty social, so it was wierd. turns out he just had to ease back into being with people. After a bit he was the same as he had been.

Lunchbox boy had just gotten back from a trek where he frequently could have died at any moment. For weeks (months?) he was with a small group enduring physical hardship.

He came back to civilization and make a few selfish choices? I think there is a chance that might have been transient behavior. OTOH, someone who would climb Mt. everst is probably so into themselves as to be bad boyfriend material, but that would have been true from the start.

I'm just saying he might change back to the same acceptable level of selfishness if given time.

I probably agree with most of this, BUT I saw something in mmmmmmmmm's post that suggested that after explaining why you're breaking up with the guy (which I agree with) you should be giving some room for corrective action. In my experience, that doesn't work. If someone wants to break up, their mind is usually pretty made up on the matter, and I think that leaving false hope that things could get better is worse than breaking someone's heart.

[Iron Steve]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
No, not transient, visceral. There's a hell of a lot more going on here than is safe to post. And if he needs to be selfish after spending three months doing the ultimate act of selfishness (think of the starving people he could have fed with teh 45k he wasted trying to get himself to the top of the world) .

Aha. Yoda say, there is no try, only do or not do. This makes much more sense now.

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
sure, but weren't they together for a few years? the guy is just back from an extremely intense few months. I would think you should see how he is a few months after he gets back before deciding to dump his ass.

Example: a friend sailed across the Atlantic with 2 other guys. For several weeks it was just the three of them. For the first few weeks after he got back, he couldn't deal with crowds. He go to parties and we'd find him sitting alone in the yard- he had been pretty social, so it was wierd. turns out he just had to ease back into being with people. After a bit he was the same as he had been.

Lunchbox boy had just gotten back from a trek where he frequently could have died at any moment. For weeks (months?) he was with a small group enduring physical hardship.

He came back to civilization and make a few selfish choices? I think there is a chance that might have been transient behavior. OTOH, someone who would climb Mt. everst is probably so into themselves as to be bad boyfriend material, but that would have been true from the start.

I'm just saying he might change back to the same acceptable level of selfishness if given time.

Partial dissent. The changes to a person after an intense experience are probably overall permanent.

Once I came back from an intense and isolated three-month experience and it took me about a year to deal with the culture shock. Some parts of the shock faded over time but many changes in my perspective were permanent. I broke up with my long-term boyfriend a few months after returning but I knew the night I got off the airplane that I wanted out. A more mature me would have seen it earlier and responded appropriately. Live and learn and all that.

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I probably agree with most of this, BUT I saw something in mmmmmmmmm's post that suggested that after explaining why you're breaking up with the guy (which I agree with) you should be some room for corrective action. In my experience, that doesn't work. If someone wants to break up, their mind is usually pretty made up on the matter, and I think that leaving false hope that things could get better is worse than breaking someone's heart.

yeah, and I told him what was bugging me and he told me to look at it from his perspective (why he'd rather golf than go away for the weekend) and so he lost his opportunity to make it right when he said he didn't want to.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Shhh. She still hasn't figured out where he was.

Shhh. He was here.*



Restaurant combines nostalgia, food to create unique experience
June 18, 2005

Name: Lisa Wilson
Family: husband, André; children Jamila, 11, and Christian, 7
Education: bachelor’s degree in computer engineering from Clemson University
Occupation: owns 2 Sweet Bakery LLC & The Lunch Box on Main Street in Anderson
Hometown: Anderson

The atmosphere at The Lunchbox is warm and nostalgic. One wall is lined with vintage lunchboxes and Thermoses, featuring a variety of classic cartoons and beloved cultural icons. Ms. Wilson bought The Lunchbox two years ago and added her own bakery that features her specialty, cheesecake. The bakery fulfills a life long goal she's had since she began baking on her Easy-Bake oven.






* Crappy local paper, registration required. I'm feeling unsatisfied with the results, and I had to do it just to write the joke.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I probably agree with most of this, BUT I saw something in mmmmmmmmm's post that suggested that after explaining why you're breaking up with the guy (which I agree with) you should be some room for corrective action. In my experience, that doesn't work. If someone wants to break up, their mind is usually pretty made up on the matter, and I think that leaving false hope that things could get better is worse than breaking someone's heart.

Right. Having been on both sides (the one who thinks she can change to please the other one when in fact there's nothing to be done, and the one who is going to leave unless the other person changes), I think that 9 out of 10 times it doesn't work. People don't change if someone is asking them to change - they only do it if they want to do it for themselves - and it's rare that they can actually do it even if they want to.

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
Uh, I can't speak for everyone but I sincerely doubt that oodles of people say "I do" thinking that there is little or no chance of permanence. This is a short sighted thing for you to have said.

I can't speak for everyone either, but I personally know a bunch of people who didn't really think things through very much. I guess that's not the same as actively realizing that they don't know whether permanence is likely, but it's at least a reckless disregard for the prospect of a marriage failing. The vast majority of the couples I know who were married in the few years after (or before) graduation from college are divorced or separated now, and a bunch of them are in that position because they didn't even talk about things like money management, kids , where they wanted to live, etc.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by mmm3587
and a bunch of them are in that position because they didn't even talk about things like money management, kids , where they wanted to live, etc.

On the other hand, you can talk and talk and talk about these things until you are blue in the face and it still might not work out. It's very hard to plan for everything that is going to happen in your life.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
On the other hand, you can talk and talk and talk about these things until you are blue in the face and it still might not work out. It's very hard to plan for everything that is going to happen in your life.

Yes. It's like in law school, or at least the first week of contracts, when everyone thinks that all the contract disputes could have been resolved by better contract drafting. As a lawyer, sure, I'd like a piece of that action because it would mean never-ending business. But the businesspeople would have faces as blue as gwink's.

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
It's very hard to plan for everything that is going to happen in your life.

Really? My whole life has been unfolding exactly according to the detailed plan I made when I was about nine years old. A quick glance at the schedule tells me I'm only about a year away from completion of my secret underground base and spaceport.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Yes. It's like in law school, or at least the first week of contracts, when everyone thinks that all the contract disputes could have been resolved by better contract drafting. As a lawyer, sure, I'd like a piece of that action because it would mean never-ending business. But the businesspeople would have faces as blue as gwink's.

I was already laughing at mmm's saying "reckless disregard for the prospect of a marriage failing," and now you chime in with a contracts class analogy.

We lawyers really have to be careful with our frames of reference and our choices of words. Non-laywers, particularly those with whom you are intimate, hate this shit.

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I probably agree with most of this, BUT I saw something in mmmmmmmmm's post that suggested that after explaining why you're breaking up with the guy (which I agree with) you should be giving some room for corrective action. In my experience, that doesn't work. If someone wants to break up, their mind is usually pretty made up on the matter, and I think that leaving false hope that things could get better is worse than breaking someone's heart.

I guess what I'm saying is that I personally don't understand why someone in a relationship would choose to let things like this bother them until the point that it causes them to want to break up with the other person. Maybe I am just projecting my personaility; I myself would rather rety to deal with something like that before it reaches a break-up point. And if I were involved with someone, I would be pissed if she wanted to break up with me out of the blue; once you've been with someone for a while I think that you owe it to them to actually discuss and try to address issues.

It sounds like Sunny tried to address important things and he just blew her off; he sounds like the childish one here.

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Partial dissent. The changes to a person after an intense experience are probably overall permanent.

Once I came back from an intense and isolated three-month experience and it took me about a year to deal with the culture shock. Some parts of the shock faded over time but many changes in my perspective were permanent. I broke up with my long-term boyfriend a few months after returning but I knew the night I got off the airplane that I wanted out. A more mature me would have seen it earlier and responded appropriately. Live and learn and all that.

Sorry, what shock did he face? He was stuck in base camp for weeks on end and trekked down an hour for beers and grilled cheeses on a daily basis and his sherpa baked him a fucking birthday cake on his birthday. He came back with a bigger beer gut than he had when he left and partied like a rock star. And it wasn't like he hasn't climbed a mountain once a year for the past several years. Dude, the guys just a pleasure seeking pig.