New and Improved Celebrity Death Pool 2005 - Page 13

ltl/fb · 03-24-2005, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I was listening to Stern in the basement yesterday while getting some laundry. Stern was talking about penis size averages. I scoffed that 6 was average, but sure enough, with aid of a tape measure, I performed an informal review and determined that, low and behold, I am average in every regard.

And no, I didn't fluff myself at all. Totally flaccid.

ETA: I have an old clock radio in the basement.

Was he talking average flaccid, or average erect?

Oh, wait, I forgot, there's no difference for you.

I would hide in the basement to listen to Stern too -- good call.

notcasesensitive · 03-24-2005, 05:27 PM

Just as a reminder, this is really more of a celebrity death pool sort of place. I'm all for dick measuring and the like, but maybe y'all could still do that over at the main FB?

By all means, come back here if someone dies or something.

Hank Chinaski · 03-24-2005, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
I would hide in the basement to listen to Stern too -- good call.

If you post a naked picture here we could tell you the reasons you can't be in Playboy.

sebastian_dangerfield · 03-24-2005, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Was he talking average flaccid, or average erect?

Oh, wait, I forgot, there's no difference for you.

I would hide in the basement to listen to Stern too -- good call.

The basement is not a good place to hide to masturbate. For some bizarre reason, I did that after we bought the place. I found myself standing there, thinking "Why the fuck did I jsut do that?" I initially thought "Well, maybe I'm trying to 'Christen' the house... the wiofe would never let me fuck her in the basement." But then I realized, I hadn't masturbated in the kitchen. So why would I start with the basement? Perhaps it was the filthy space that got me going... who knows? I guess its a good think I didn't do it in the kitchen, since the neighbors kids are always running around our yard. "Hi, dad, I need bail money... Oh, her? She left me..."

Shape Shifter · 03-24-2005, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Just as a reminder, this is really more of a celebrity death pool sort of place. I'm all for dick measuring and the like, but maybe y'all could still do that over at the main FB?

By all means, come back here if someone dies or something.

Slow down. Take it easy.

robustpuppy · 03-24-2005, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Slow down. Take it easy.

You people have no respect for the dead!

Okay, this is totally outable, but WTF. My dear departed father was an avid boater; those were his happiest times. Before the wake, my brother put together a few family photos to display, including a shot of dad at the helm of his boat. My brother enlarged that photo, which was originally a 3.5 X 3.5 print -- to about 8X12. This photo was shot as dad was moving slowly through the channel out of the marina into the bay. There's a sign behind dad's head near the buoys, but you couldn't make out what it said in the small photo. The letters are clear as day on the enlargement, however. It said

Dead Slow. No Wake.

My brother put it on the table at the wake right next to the casket, and people stopped to look at it before they paid their respects. I wish we'd had a camera to record the double takes.

Replaced_Texan · 03-24-2005, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
You people have no respect for the dead!

Okay, this is totally outable, but WTF. My dear departed father was an avid boater; those were his happiest times. Before the wake, my brother put together a few family photos to display, including a 3.5X3.5 print of dad at the helm of his boat. My brother enlarged that print to about 8X12. This photo was shot as dad was moving slowly through the channel out of the marina into the bay. There's a sign behind dad's head near the bouys but you can't make out what it says by looking at the small photo. The letters are clear as day on the enlargement, however. It said

Dead Slow. No Wake.

My brother put it on the table at the wake right next to the coffin, and people stopped to look at it before they paid their respects. I wish we'd had a camera to record the double takes.

That is awesome. My dad has requested that we play Tom Petty's Breakdown at his funeral.

robustpuppy · 03-24-2005, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
That is awesome. My dad has requested that we play Tom Petty's Breakdown at his funeral.

My aunt and uncle want to be cremated and have their ashes taken out on a boat and thrown into the bay at sunset while the 1812 overture plays in the background.

I think that's cool, although I will have to think about what music I would choose to give folks a chuckle.

ltl/fb · 03-24-2005, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
My aunt and uncle want to be cremated and have their ashes taken out on a boat and thrown into the bay at sunset while the 1812 overture plays in the background.

I think that's cool, although I will have to think about what music I would choose to give folks a chuckle.

Unless your relatives are celebrities, I feel this is inappropriate for this board. take it to the Dead Relatives board.

hah.

robustpuppy · 03-24-2005, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Unless your relatives are celebrities, I feel this is inappropriate for this board. take it to the Dead Relatives board.

hah.

Can't we just have a general death thread? We could also add a "Just for the record, if I'm ever in a PVS ... " thread. For kicks.

sebastian_dangerfield · 03-24-2005, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
My aunt and uncle want to be cremated and have their ashes taken out on a boat and thrown into the bay at sunset while the 1812 overture plays in the background.

I think that's cool, although I will have to think about what music I would choose to give folks a chuckle.

I am troubled that my wish, that I been cremated and my ashes made into a bunt cake, a piece of which must be eaten by anyone who wants a part of my estate, will not be honored because it is merely an oral directive. Let this writing suffice as evidence that I must be made into a cake upon death. My estate will be first come, first serve, dolled out in equal chunks, but you'll have to down a huge piece of the cake in front of my lawyer. When the cake is finished, those who have eaten a piece will be assembled and given a percentage share based on the number of pieces they ate. If you can eat the whole cake, you can have it all.

sebastian_dangerfield · 03-24-2005, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
That is awesome. My dad has requested that we play Tom Petty's Breakdown at his funeral.

I've requested We Didn't Start the Fire. I'm that much of a misanthrope.

Hank Chinaski · 03-24-2005, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I've requested We Didn't Start the Fire. I'm that much of a misanthrope.

Muskrat Love at mine.

notcasesensitive · 03-25-2005, 12:47 AM

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/0....ap/index.html

See? Celebrity death news.

Sebby, you have to actually have an estate to convince people to eat sebby pie. that '84 Bonneville and your entire vinyl collection isn't gonna cut it.

Atticus Grinch · 03-25-2005, 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I am troubled that my wish, that I been cremated and my ashes made into a bunt cake, a piece of which must be eaten by anyone who wants a part of my estate, will not be honored because it is merely an oral directive. Let this writing suffice as evidence that I must be made into a cake upon death. My estate will be first come, first serve, dolled out in equal chunks, but you'll have to down a huge piece of the cake in front of my lawyer. When the cake is finished, those who have eaten a piece will be assembled and given a percentage share based on the number of pieces they ate. If you can eat the whole cake, you can have it all.

I invented Final Disposition posts.