A frolic in Cambodia - Page 142

Tyrone Slothrop · 11-15-2004, 08:01 PM

From the circular file at The Metropolitan Diary:

Dear Diary:

I was on the crosstown bus the other morning when a mother, attempting to soothe the fidgety baby in her lap, started softly singing "The Wheels on the Bus." That, of course, is the children's song in which "the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round," followed by other verses in which, for example, "the wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish."

Hardly after the mother started into the second verse, a smartly dressed elderly gentleman joined in to sing "the doors on the bus go open and shut." Soon, a half-dozen of us in the back of the M86 were serenading the now-delighted baby, our impromptu chorus reflecting the human panorama of New York City in all its glorious diversity.

Before we could launch into the next stanza, a woman of a certain age leaned toward the mother, holding up her hand to get our attention for what she had to say. "Shut up!" she shrieked. "It's bad enough I have to go to chemotherapy today. Do I have to listen to you assholes, too?"

There was an awkward silence. Then the whole bus burst into applause.

-- Declan O'Toole

greatwhitenorthchick · 11-15-2004, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
ETA: Wait, is it "my guy"? Who here is a Levitra expert?

I am not a Levitra expert, and have not been on the receiving end of a four-hour erection (at least not today), but I think it is "my guy".

Not Bob · 11-15-2004, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
W won. You can go back to calling it the Happy Birthday, Jesus! party.

I assure you that the old firm called it the Generic Winter Gift-Giving Holiday party for reasons of greed, not PC-ness; lots of big clients celebrated Hannukah, and one big client celebrated Kwanzaa. Had even one paying client celebrated Festivus, the old firm would have included that, too.

As a result, the holiday cards we sent out were usually crayon drawings from pre-school kids -- often they featured green snow-persons (we had chick clients, too) and blue trees.

SlaveNoMore · 11-15-2004, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Not Bob
As a result, the holiday cards we sent out were usually crayon drawings from pre-school kids -- often they featured green snow-persons (we had chick clients, too) and blue trees.

Like this one?

"This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers?"

NotFromHere · 11-15-2004, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
Like this one?

"This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers?"

Oh heavens no. That clearly says christmas or chrissmast or something. That would never do. I think one year we actually called it the "Winter party" because someone jokingly said, if we use the word "holiday" the atheists will be offended. Then the rest of us who are pretty sick of the whole PC thing started calling it the "generic winter gathering with food." Because we're smartasses.

ltl/fb · 11-15-2004, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NotFromHere
the "generic winter gathering with food."

Gwgwf has a nice ring to it. If you could put "festive" before "gathering" then it would be pronounced sorta like gwiffgwiff.

I like it.

Shape Shifter · 11-15-2004, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Gwgwf has a nice ring to it. If you could put "festive" before "gathering" then it would be pronounced sorta like gwiffgwiff.

I like it.

I would like to be the first to wish you a very merry Gwiffgwiff, but I do not think it will go far. The CIA is checking into the conspiracy to drive Christmas from society.

http://conspiracy.cia.com.au/Fun_Stu...e/PB230005.JPG

Hank Chinaski · 11-15-2004, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Gwgwf has a nice ring to it. If you could put "festive" before "gathering" then it would be pronounced sorta like gwiffgwiff.

I like it.

No. It's the fucking Christmas Party. Do we need to get a constitutional amendment to make it be okay? Go ahead, make our day.

dtb · 11-15-2004, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
No. It's the fucking Christmas Party. Do we need to get a constitutional amendment to make it be okay? Go ahead, make our day.

Well SOMEBODY sure is gunning to be Grinch of Gwiffgwiff!

Shape Shifter · 11-15-2004, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
No. It's the fucking Christmas Party. Do we need to get a constitutional amendment to make it be okay? Go ahead, make our day.

If your cheap-ass firm went back to having an open bar, maybe it would be the christmas Fucking Party.

ltl/fb · 11-15-2004, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
No. It's the fucking Christmas Party. Do we need to get a constitutional amendment to make it be okay? Go ahead, make our day.

In songs, "Gwiffgwiff" is easily substituted for "Christmas" wherever it might appear.

Merry Gwiffgwiff!!!

dtb · 11-15-2004, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
In songs, "Gwiffgwiff" is easily substituted for "Christmas" wherever it might appear.

Merry Gwiffgwiff!!!

You're definitely on to something here, fringey. I'd copyright it so as to get in on the greeting-card action. STAT!

NotFromHere · 11-15-2004, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
In songs, "Gwiffgwiff" is easily substituted for "Christmas" wherever it might appear.

Merry Gwiffgwiff!!!

good god. I've inadvertantly coined a term.

Next we'll be asking each other what we'll be wearing to the gwiff gwiff. And it'll make sense. :mixed:

Gattigap · 11-15-2004, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
In songs, "Gwiffgwiff" is easily substituted for "Christmas" wherever it might appear.

Merry Gwiffgwiff!!!

"Christmas" does not appear in this particular song, but it's stuck in my head. Here is my attempt to place it in yours.

***

"Elf's Lament"
Barenaked Ladies

I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"
But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

[Chorus]
I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I've heard there's even been illegal doping
And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

[Chorus]

You look at yourself
You're an elf
And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories
Trends come and go, and your friends wanna know why you aren't just happy making crappy little gizmos
Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

[Chorus]

dtb · 11-15-2004, 09:45 PM

No, I don't mean as in "They're a very musical people."

But anyway, I signed up for Real Rhapsody -- which (sorry if you all know this, but I didn't before a week ago) is this thing where you can play any song you want on your computer and have a play list, etc.

So now that I have all music at the touch of some keys on my keyboard, I'm overwhelmed with all the choices!! Where should I begin? Don't give me a bunch of hipster tunes -- but one or two, maybe, to get my pinky toe wet.

I feel I must include my hometown's biggest export since the automobile -- Eminem. So, where should I start with him?