It's all about me

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck

- I should never talk to any women from DC ever again, but they are too damn alluring.

So, barely, is his ass eating all its cracked up to be? No pun.

(did anyone else think he was gonna say he would never post about how his wife loves getting rimmed again?)

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
So, barely, is his ass eating all its cracked up to be? No pun.

(did anyone else think he was gonna say he would never post about how his wife loves getting rimmed again?)

See what I mean? I'm like I deer caught in the lights.

Must. Not. Post.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Because this is a slow day and because I'm curious to hear the creative answers, set forth below (ha. I'm fucking losing it) is a poll you may find of interest.

POLL: Name something you would never do again and tell us why.


TM

There are so many things I'll never do again:

I'll never drink tequila again. I can't even smell it without wanting to vomit long and hard.

I'll never go home with some random guy whom I just met just because I thought mistakenly that he was a friend of a friend. (nothing bad happened, I just don't do that sort of thing anymore)

I'll probably never wear my pvc microskirt again because I'm too old and haven't been to a rave in like, forever. This kind of makes me sad.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Anyone ever taken part in a medical research study - no drugs being tested - just a study on fitness, exercise, body composition - stuff like that. It's ongoing, like over a number of years. Does it take up much of your time - otherwise a pain in the ass? I'm thinking it might be interesting.

The nurses's study is one of the best sources of information about women's health out there. If I had the opportunity to take part in a multi-year longitudal study, I would.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
All I can say is that there's this song by Jack Johnson called "Bubbly Toes" that is forever changed for me.

Good God, I hate that song!

As for the poll...

I will never again assume that a client has given me all the relevant facts when one calls with "a quick question."

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by taxwonk


I will never again assume that a client has given me all the relevant facts when one calls with "a quick question."

Do you assume that the client gives you the relevant facts in any circumstancs?

Oh, and fuck my boss's secretary. (won't do--not general commentary)

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by Anne Elk
IRL
For a while I was thought that mmm3587 (or whatever the number is) was someone who used to work at my firm. I know people at my firm are aware of this board and are aware that I post on it. I don't think any of them have joined the fray though. (Come on in, the water is fine.)

I will never forget that night of passion we shared in the small conference room. I still have the stack of schedules we had our depo on.

[mmm3587]

I know that I will do it, even though I say that I won't, but I will never answer the phone again if I don't recognize the number and know what it's about.

As far as stuff that I actually won't do, I don't think that I'll tell colleagues my special techniques for efficient practice and management of time, resources, contacts, etc. I do it to be a nice guy, because I always figure the cool shit out, but I'm sure others never share. It's pathetic that figuring out how to hack whatever to do whatever has to be such a secret, but if others I don't know that well are going to play those stupid games, then I can, too.

This goes for everything else, too, I think. When I figure cool shit out, I'm just going to keep it to myself, because before long every asshole around is taking the shortcut by all the scrap yards to avoid Clybourn, or figuring out how to use the consolidator flight engine, or whatever. Fuck all you hangers-on unless you tell me all your good tricks.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by mmm3587
As far as stuff that I actually won't do, I don't think that I'll tell colleagues my special techniques for efficient practice and management of time, resources, contacts, etc.

this is one of the nerdliest things I have ever seen put into written words. Special techniques for efficient practice and time management? Those are words spoken by the reigning monarch of nerds. The almighty nerd, as it were.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall

POLL: Name something you would never do again and tell us why.

TM

I will never sleep with my ex-boyfriend again. Bad things happened to my psyche the last time.

I will never enter into a long distance romance again. The fantasy always turns out better than the reality for me.

I will never go out with anyone my brother recommends. He's the one that set my sister up with Golden Showers boy.

I will never drink alcohol to excess again. This vow has been made many times before, usually while moaning in agony, and I expect that this time I'll keep it about as well as I have all of the other times.

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
this is one of the nerdliest things I have ever seen put into written words. Special techniques for efficient practice and time management? Those are words spoken by the reigning monarch of nerds. The almighty nerd, as it were.

I guess that I am the reigning monarch of nerds, if by "reigning monarch of nerds" you mean "someone who doesn't want to waste a lot of time doing stupid shit when those things can be done far more efficiently."

Let's be real here, we're all lawyers. We all have far better shit that we could be doing, and we're all doing this because it is a career. That doesn't mean that I don't like it, that doesn't mean that this is a pretty good, enjoyable career that I'm not too ashamed to call my own, but I probably wouldn't be doing it if I were, say, Alexandra Kerry. I would be wearing nipple-revealing dresses and relaxing on the beach.

You're not a fucking model or a, to use a concept you may understand, hockey star. You are a lawyer, an advisor, a maintainer of information. Your job is to understand, keep track of and use to the benefits of your clients significant amounts of information and precedent. So don't give me this "You're a dork!" shit. You must be one of those people who can never find phone numbers, has no idea where her files are, can never figure out how to check her e-mail remotely, or whatever. That's fine with me. If that works for you, so be it. It works more often for female lawyers than it does for male ones, but I don't think it's ever appropriate to play the "I just can't figure that out" card with clients who are paying you a fiver a minute or more to do exactly that, figure it out.

I'm always trying to find a better way to do things. Part of being a good lawyer is being a perfectionist. Not being anal about things that don't matter or being insufferable about the little mistakes that we all make, but recognizing how to develop and exploit efficiencies in the work that we do.

So, bitch, please. I work in a competitive environment with a lot of backstabbing pricks. I'm not like that; the worst fate I can possibly imagine is scratching eyes out to make partner and then realizing the truth of that "more pie" quote. I will be damned if I work as hard as a 40 year old as I do as a 30 year old. But I sure as hell don't want to have to work harder than (those of my colleagues who are) my prickish colleagues to do the same amount of work they're doing, because I share my secrets with them, but they fuck me over. I work at a big firm and always have. There are plenty of light-turner-outers here, and I'm sick of being a nice guy to the TMs of the world. Fuck 'em, let 'em figure out for themselves all the shit that makes me a smarter, better and more successful lawyer than they are. I'll share techniques, tricks and drinks with friends, but the enemies only get drinks.

Rant over. Get me a white mocha, bitch!

[evenodds]

Name something you would never do again and tell us why.

I will never again . . .

Tell my best friend a secret I don't want the rest of the group to know. No matter how good his intentions, he cannot help himself.

Invest my money in someone else's dream.

Bring my friends to a show where I know the performer. It's too mortifying to be emotionally invested in stuff my friends do not understand or are not feeling. I know it's not great art, but that doesn't mean I want to hear you talk during the show (!) or fuck with me about it later.

If I somehow lose my motherfucking mind and invite you again (or, more likely, the performer invites you because she thinks I want you there), here are a few rules we can use so we can all get along . . .

1. Meet me at the after-after-party (the one where they are just hanging out and absolutely not performing) and keep your opinions to yourself. Your only comment to the performer should be "hey, great show."

2. If you're not on the bus at the start of the evening, you're not going to be on it at the end, so stop asking. Seriously.

3. No matter what happens, just be cool.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by mmm3587
rant

dude.
It was a compliment.

[mmm3587]

I thought of another one:

I will never again try to explain to a foreign client the scene from Pulp Fiction where Jules and Vincent agree that "[they] should have shotguns for this job!" and why that line is often applicable to the practice of law. To this day, I think that the client thinks I am a big gun nut or love violence. Or maybe love film, I don't know.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by mmm3587
I guess that I am the reigning monarch of nerds, if by "reigning monarch of nerds" you mean "someone who doesn't want to waste a lot of time doing stupid shit when those things can be done far more efficiently."

You want the title, get me your score on the nerdity exam.

G(>40)^3