It's all about me

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by mmm3587
I guess that I am the reigning monarch of nerds, if by "reigning monarch of nerds" you mean "someone who doesn't want to waste a lot of time doing stupid shit when those things can be done far more efficiently."

Let's be real here, we're all lawyers. We all have far better shit that we could be doing, and we're all doing this because it is a career. That doesn't mean that I don't like it, that doesn't mean that this is a pretty good, enjoyable career that I'm not too ashamed to call my own, but I probably wouldn't be doing it if I were, say, Alexandra Kerry. I would be wearing nipple-revealing dresses and relaxing on the beach.

You're not a fucking model or a, to use a concept you may understand, hockey star. You are a lawyer, an advisor, a maintainer of information. Your job is to understand, keep track of and use to the benefits of your clients significant amounts of information and precedent. So don't give me this "You're a dork!" shit. You must be one of those people who can never find phone numbers, has no idea where her files are, can never figure out how to check her e-mail remotely, or whatever. That's fine with me. If that works for you, so be it. It works more often for female lawyers than it does for male ones, but I don't think it's ever appropriate to play the "I just can't figure that out" card with clients who are paying you a fiver a minute or more to do exactly that, figure it out.

I'm always trying to find a better way to do things. Part of being a good lawyer is being a perfectionist. Not being anal about things that don't matter or being insufferable about the little mistakes that we all make, but recognizing how to develop and exploit efficiencies in the work that we do.

So, bitch, please. I work in a competitive environment with a lot of backstabbing pricks. I'm not like that; the worst fate I can possibly imagine is scratching eyes out to make partner and then realizing the truth of that "more pie" quote. I will be damned if I work as hard as a 40 year old as I do as a 30 year old. But I sure as hell don't want to have to work harder than (those of my colleagues who are) my prickish colleagues to do the same amount of work they're doing, because I share my secrets with them, but they fuck me over. I work at a big firm and always have. There are plenty of light-turner-outers here, and I'm sick of being a nice guy to the TMs of the world. Fuck 'em, let 'em figure out for themselves all the shit that makes me a smarter, better and more successful lawyer than they are. I'll share techniques, tricks and drinks with friends, but the enemies only get drinks.

Rant over. Get me a white mocha, bitch!

no, you aren't a prick. I see what you mean.

more likely than your scenario (gwink playing some poor helpless me card - and by the way this is not the first time that you have thrown sexist shit up on this board to see if it sticks) is that she figures shit out just like the rest of us do. we know how to do the shit, we just don't think that it's a secret or that there's some magic to it. we have what is known in some circles as common sense. it's hard for you to figure this shit out? I'm sorry, but don't assume that it is for everyone.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by mmm3587
I guess that I am the reigning monarch of nerds, if by "reigning monarch of nerds" you mean "someone who doesn't want to waste a lot of time doing stupid shit when those things can be done far more efficiently."

Let's be real here, we're all lawyers. We all have far better shit that we could be doing, and we're all doing this because it is a career. That doesn't mean that I don't like it, that doesn't mean that this is a pretty good, enjoyable career that I'm not too ashamed to call my own, but I probably wouldn't be doing it if I were, say, Alexandra Kerry. I would be wearing nipple-revealing dresses and relaxing on the beach.

You're not a fucking model or a, to use a concept you may understand, hockey star. You are a lawyer, an advisor, a maintainer of information. Your job is to understand, keep track of and use to the benefits of your clients significant amounts of information and precedent. So don't give me this "You're a dork!" shit. You must be one of those people who can never find phone numbers, has no idea where her files are, can never figure out how to check her e-mail remotely, or whatever. That's fine with me. If that works for you, so be it. It works more often for female lawyers than it does for male ones, but I don't think it's ever appropriate to play the "I just can't figure that out" card with clients who are paying you a fiver a minute or more to do exactly that, figure it out.

I'm always trying to find a better way to do things. Part of being a good lawyer is being a perfectionist. Not being anal about things that don't matter or being insufferable about the little mistakes that we all make, but recognizing how to develop and exploit efficiencies in the work that we do.

So, bitch, please. I work in a competitive environment with a lot of backstabbing pricks. I'm not like that; the worst fate I can possibly imagine is scratching eyes out to make partner and then realizing the truth of that "more pie" quote. I will be damned if I work as hard as a 40 year old as I do as a 30 year old. But I sure as hell don't want to have to work harder than (those of my colleagues who are) my prickish colleagues to do the same amount of work they're doing, because I share my secrets with them, but they fuck me over. I work at a big firm and always have. There are plenty of light-turner-outers here, and I'm sick of being a nice guy to the TMs of the world. Fuck 'em, let 'em figure out for themselves all the shit that makes me a smarter, better and more successful lawyer than they are. I'll share techniques, tricks and drinks with friends, but the enemies only get drinks.

Rant over. Get me a white mocha, bitch!

I will never read a post this long again.

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
dude.
It was a compliment.

I don't see a white mocha with that post, so try again!

The nerdliest would be all excited about the process. Fuck the process. Results count. I'll never forget the day that I realized I could configure the mmmfirm voicemail settings to e-mail me when I had a voicemail. That cuts way down on my checking of voicemail when I'm out of the office, and that is a result. I couldn't give less of a fuck how it works, though.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by mmm3587
I don't see a white mocha with that post, so try again!

The nerdliest would be all excited about the process. Fuck the process. Results count. I'll never forget the day that I realized I could configure the mmmfirm voicemail settings to e-mail me when I had a voicemail. That cuts way down on my checking of voicemail when I'm out of the office, and that is a result. I couldn't give less of a fuck how it works, though.

I know how to do that and tell people who don't spend a lot of time talking about how everyone else in the world is an incompetent asshole.

[Aloha Mr. Learned Hand]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
POLL: Name something you would never do again and tell us why.

TM

--- Same as gwinky only substitute Jagermeister for Tequila. Should be easy to avoid since the stuff is nasty anyway.

--- Get involved in legal matters for family or friends. Just too much trouble and Monday morning quarterbacking. From now on they get a referral and that's it.

--- If I have a say in the matter, I will never again put a very bad witness on the stand. No matter how much you prepare them, they will find a new and creative way to fuck it up.

--- Finally, and most importantly, I will never again call Penske's bet that he goes commando under his man-skirts, nor will I ever again watch as he proves it. Why should be self-explanatory.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by mmm3587
I know that I will do it, even though I say that I won't, but I will never answer the phone again if I don't recognize the number and know what it's about.

As far as stuff that I actually won't do, I don't think that I'll tell colleagues my special techniques for efficient practice and management of time, resources, contacts, etc. I do it to be a nice guy, because I always figure the cool shit out, but I'm sure others never share. It's pathetic that figuring out how to hack whatever to do whatever has to be such a secret, but if others I don't know that well are going to play those stupid games, then I can, too.

This goes for everything else, too, I think. When I figure cool shit out, I'm just going to keep it to myself, because before long every asshole around is taking the shortcut by all the scrap yards to avoid Clybourn, or figuring out how to use the consolidator flight engine, or whatever. Fuck all you hangers-on unless you tell me all your good tricks.

I am always willing to help my colleagues and in return, they seem willing to help me when I need it, so I am happy to pass along a little advice. Hire an editor, and don't be an asshole.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I will never read a post this long again.

I will never allow a beautiful woman who I barely know perform no-strings-attached fellatio on me, no matter how much she begs and rubs herself against me.

The feeling afterward is so . . . empty.

Well, not right afterward--that feeling is great. But the feeling a little bit after that is so . . . empty.

Unless she does it again, in which case you are back to great again. For a little while.

But then, a bit later, the emptiness is even . . . emptier.

Live and learn.

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
no, you aren't a prick. I see what you mean.

more likely than your scenario (gwink playing some poor helpless me card - and by the way this is not the first time that you have thrown sexist shit up on this board to see if it sticks) is that she figures shit out just like the rest of us do. we know how to do the shit, we just don't think that it's a secret or that there's some magic to it. we have what is known in some circles as common sense. it's hard for you to figure this shit out? I'm sorry, but don't assume that it is for everyone.

I'm only a sexist in that I don't like things that give fodder to people who have traditional ideas about the roles women should play and the roles women should have open to them. When people like that see, or experience and enjoy (like an old, male client) when they see, for example, a woman playing the "I'm incompetent and innocent and I don't want to have to figure all this hard stuff out" card. Only women can play that card. Male lawyers who act like that won't get the kind of sympathy from men that women can get from many men, especially older conservative ones.

Men can play other cards and get away with it. It also pisses me off when some asshole uses his job as an excuse about why he can't spend time with his wife and his kids, until he actually wants to spend time with his wife and his kids and then he dumps everything on you for "family reasons." That's bullshit. It's something that men can get away with and women can't. If a woman does it, she is "not really a team player" and "pre-occupied with her kids" and "wants to be a mommy more than a lawyer" and all that shit. That's bullshit, too, just not relevant in the instant discussion.

Anyway, sure, common sense is one thing, but I've given the asshole down the hall who is always saying "Half day today, huh!?!" or turning off your lights after you leave enough information over the years that I shouldn't have. When a colleague of any sort says, "Damn, I wish I didn't have to check my voicemail all the time!," my natural reaction is to tell them how to get around that. When he's still a prick to everyone for years despite goodwill towards him, he gets cut off. That's my resolution.

My comment did classify behaviour as more common or socially acceptable based on gender. If that's sexist, fair enough. But I believe it, sugarplum.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by mmm3587

You're not a fucking model or a, to use a concept you may understand, hockey star.

hmmm

Well, I did some modelling last year (paid, so not just for breasticle day), so you might say I'm a model/lawyer. Or a model lawyer. Your choice.

And I've had sex with a Stanley cup -winning-goal scorer. I think that counts for something.

So.... wrong, and wrong!!!


eta to insert some random hyphens and anticipate dtb's wrath in case they are wrong

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by mmm3587
When he's still a prick to everyone for years despite goodwill towards him, he gets cut off. That's my resolution.

You beeg beeg tough guy.

[str8outavannuys]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Because this is a slow day and because I'm curious to hear the creative answers, set forth below (ha. I'm fucking losing it) is a poll you may find of interest.

POLL: Name something you would never do again and tell us why.

I will never give my (correct) cell phone number to the woman putting the firm directory together again. Partners can't seem to tell the difference between an extension number and a cell phone number (not to mention the problems they have telling the difference between Wednesday and Saturday or AM and PM).

I learned this one long, long ago: If I were going to cheat, I would never tell someone that my situation is different than it actually is. All parties must go into any such transaction with their eyes wide open. That said, I no longer cheat. Yeah, I'm an angel.

I will never go to the politics board again. 'Nuff said.

TM

I will never again send rush to send a critical email at a critical stage of a crisis in a very important long-distance relationship, without first stepping back for a good period of time and really really really thinking about the contents and how they might be construed and misconstrued.

Agree with TM about the cheating thing too.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand
--- Same as gwinky only substitute Jagermeister for Tequila. Should be easy to avoid since the stuff is nasty anyway.

You would think this would be the case. But Jagermeister has an insidious way of making its way back into your life. Sometimes it will sneak back in, perhaps in the guise of a shot involving Jagermesiter submerged in Red Bull. It is like those beautiful-but-barely-known fellating women. Just when you think you are safe, they are back, rubbing against you and pleading.

A note about shots involving Jagermeister submerged in Red Bull. The only good thing about Jagermeister is that it has a mechanism built into it whereby your body becomes limp and unable to engage in immoral and/or criminal conduct very soon after the Jagermeister has disabled your superego. Mixing Red Bull with Jagermeister disrupts this safety mechanism.

[Aloha Mr. Learned Hand]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
And I've had sex with a Stanley cup -winning-goal scorer. I think that counts for something.

Wow. This guy? Must've been a hate fuck because I thought you said you didn't like him before...

[IMG]http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=brett+hull/v=2/l=IVS/*-http://nhlstars.euweb.cz/image/hull1.jpg[/IMG]

Next time, could you have him sign a sweater of his I have? Thanks.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand
Wow. This guy? Must've been a hate fuck because I thought you said you didn't like him before...


Next time, could you have him sign a sweater of his I have? Thanks.

I'm not answering yes or no to your question, but it's true that I had a deep-seated hatred toward Brett Hull. But my husband the jokester put a big poster of him up in our workout room (when we had one) and I was forced to stare at him above the tv when I was on the treadmill. And so he kind of grew on me. I no longer begrudge him the goals he scored against Canada in the world cup. And he's a heck of a golfer to boot. I admire a man who excels in two sports.

[mmm3587]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick

Well, I did some modelling last year (paid, so not just for breasticle day), so you might say I'm a model/lawyer. Or a model lawyer. Your choice.

And I've had sex with a Stanley cup -winning-goal scorer. I think that counts for something.

Damn! Okay, insert "...for a living." Impressive. Was his dick cold?