Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03 - 10-3-03

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
I set myself up...

On a related note, someday soon, I'll have to give a complete report on my online dating experiences. The experiment is still underway so it's still too early to report results of my lab test.

I know you all have been on pins and needles wondering if I have found twu luff yet.

Please don't wait until you find true love to tell us your stories. True love is not interesting to anyone except the participants. We want to hear about the comically bad dates and the sex. Also, don't wait until the report is complete; it's never too early to share, your early impressions are probably the most entertaining, anyway.

In other words, put up or shut up.

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
never too early to share, your early impressions are probably the most entertaining, anyway.

Actually, what you should do, is while you are hooking up, have your laptop and/or PDA (as in a palm pilot not a public display of affection) available, and post the details as they happen. If you have one of those cell phones or PDAs that take pictures you could post, all the better.

It could be our own version of a reality show. Unfortunately we wouldn't be able to offer the winner a million bucks.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall

And I'll be speakin' on The Man, not taxes.

Thurgreed(I tried to find a photo of the Black Israelites, but was unsuccessful)Marshall

Um, Skinny? You do remember you're a New York corporate lawyer right?

Dumbass motherfucker, you ARE the man.

[ThrashersFan]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I hope Thrasher read this:

'18. Your cats. Attachment to a non-human mammal that doesn't give a fuck about you bespeaks emotional damage. It's the kind that transforms you from "alluringly quirky" to "certifiable."'

TM

I fucking knew it as soon as I read it that you would not be able to resist. Predictable. Shows how little you know though -- my pussies do give a fuck about me so it doesn't apply.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by leagleaze
Actually, what you should do, is while you are hooking up, have your laptop and/or PDA (as in a palm pilot not a public display of affection) available, and post the details as they happen. If you have one of those cell phones or PDAs that take pictures you could post, all the better.

And bear this rule in mind:
19. Little digital cameras on your cell phone. These are for taking dirty pictures and posting them online, not for snapping your fully clothed friends in bars. When will the populace understand this?

[ias_39]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall

And I'll be speakin' on The Man, not taxes.

I know a street corner where you can join in, talking about the exploitation of the REAL twelve tribes of Israel.

The Twelve tribes of Israel are:

Judah ------------------ the African Americans

Benjamin -------------- Caribbeans

Levi -------------------- Haitians

Ephraim --------------- Puerto Ricans

Manasseh -------------- Cubans

Simeon ----------------- Dominicans

Zebulun --------------- Guatemala/Panama

Gad -------------------- Native American Nations

Rueben ----------------- Seminole Indians

Napthali ---------------- Brazilians - Argentina/Chile

Asher ------------------- Columbia/Uruguay

Issachar ---------------- Mexicans

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Dualit
That's "Sir" or "Master" to you.

I am being disciplined by a lilac-colored kitchen appliance. I am truly frightened. Um . . . truly frightened sir.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
18. Your cats. Attachment to a non-human mammal that doesn't give a fuck about you bespeaks emotional damage. It's the kind that transforms you from "alluringly quirky" to "certifiable."'

Attachment to a human mammal that doesn't give a fuck about you is what really bespeaks emotional damage.

Right, sweetie?

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by leagleaze
Actually, what you should do, is while you are hooking up, have your laptop and/or PDA (as in a palm pilot not a public display of affection) available, and post the details as they happen. If you have one of those cell phones or PDAs that take pictures you could post, all the better.
.

Two words: web cam.

Two more: live feed.

[Atticus Grinch]

Yes, they've been reduced to a vast desolate landscape of sockery. But Las Vegas and Steven Tyler are each living proof that even the loins of a craggy wasteland can occasionally produce something beautiful.

Posted today on the SF/SV board:

Posted by taking the snibs to the pool:

Dunce, I suggest that you read the post again. No one was suggesting the guy was asked to leave Carr Ferrell. They were inferring that he left because the place sucks like a cum guzzling road whore.

And for what its worth, Carr Ferrell does suck. They represented the opposing party in a case I worked on. When we showed up for a settlement meeting the Carr attorneys were literally sitting in the meeting room smelling each others farts. I don't know what these guys ate for lunch but they were laughing about who could rip one the loudest and they had the room smelling like a fat man running a marathon. The partner I worked for and I took one step into the room and almost puked. The partner got pissed and told them to screw off and we walked out. Prior to the meeting, the partner and I had had decided upon an initial settlement number to open negotiations with. However after being subjected to their stink the partner was so pissed that he said screw these butt sniffing punks and raised the settlement amount by $150,000. Apparantly, the Carr Farrell attorneys were fart drunk because they jumped on our settlement amount like flies on a crap sandwich. In the end our client ass raped their client (we had no case and were hoping to scare them into a settlement to avoid court costs- instead we ended up getting 150,000 more than our outrageous initial bargaining number). If my experience is any indication of how Carr Ferrell guys do business, its no wonder any decent attorney would pull up stakes and run from the firm.

I like the cut of this man's jib.

Link.

[leagleaze]

This is old, but Triumph the insult dog on hollywood squares.

http://www.bordergatewayprotocol.net...od_squares.mpg


Oh and this from his site

When you see me on Hollywood Squares, you can rest assured I was offered a lot of money, and that I got to sniff the center square's crotch. Why else would I slum on this poophole? This is a show that's not even good enough for Whoopi Goldberg to do anymore. So when a comic with stylings of my caliber participates, you'd think the last thing they'd do is cut any of my zingers. But apparently they felt some of the jokes would alienate their core audience of shut-ins and mah jong clubs. Here's a taste of what you missed as I feasted on the dregs of show business.

"Hey Ellen DeGeneres, the new center square. What a huge comedown. I kid, she's not here permanently, she's rotating with Burt Reynolds and Alec Baldwin. Interesting...I thought you only rotated with chicks."

"Martin Mull...I knew your career was in a slump. I chased a bus last week and you were driving it. Look at you...you're one year away from being the new Wilford Brimley."

"Little Richard...you really paved the way for me...you were the first major star to have a hand up his butt."

"Anna Nicole, you're gonna be rich. It's not fair. I sniff an old man's crotch and I get hit with a cane. She gets 89 million. Hey Ellen, you get to be center square, but remember, you're very lucky. It's only because Anna Nicole ate Whoopi."

"Engelbert Humperdinck...great to see you again. He and I worked at the same Casino in Atlantic City. I was on stage and he was parking cars. Seriously, help Engelbert out folks. This guy needs a hit worse than Robert Downey Jr."

Of course, none of these made it. But nothing could've saved this Hollywood Squares. The show sucked so hard the sides of my TV caved in.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
I like the cut of this man's jib.

It's so, um, refreshing to see "literally" used correctly and to such effect.

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Please don't wait until you find true love to tell us your stories. True love is not interesting to anyone except the participants. We want to hear about the comically bad dates and the sex. Also, don't wait until the report is complete; it's never too early to share, your early impressions are probably the most entertaining, anyway.

In other words, put up or shut up.

Since it's Friday and the board seems to have died suddenly, here's a tale.

I was contacted by a guy ("G"). Not a very interesting note and not terribly attractive but what the hell, I replied. The email exchange was almost immediately boring but I think it's hard for strangers to write emails to each other. We talk on the phone to arrange a date. The conversation was better than the email so I think maybe he's shy.

We meet for dinner. He looks cuter in real life than I expected. I have a better time than I expected. G invites me to a concert in a month's time. I foolishly say yes.

We go out a second time. We meet at a "hip" bar in my neighborhood. He's twitching because the band is not playing the kind of music he heard when he was there earlier in the week. So we mosey down to another place that's a little quieter so we can talk. By 11 pm, he's telling me about which events he did in HS track. I start thinking "Kill me now."

Soon, I say I need to get home. On the street, he shoves his tongue in my mouth. I pull away. Ick, really crappy kisser.

For our third date, we plan to go to an free, outdoor concert. He's super rigid about bringing food and chairs (I'm not allowed to do anything). I'm hanging with friends who live close to where G and I are meeting up so my friend ("F") tags along to meet G. Long story short, F is not impressed. At the concert, I try to find out more about G in an attempt to see the human beyond the robot. G is largely nonresponsive except for thrilling details about tomatoes in his garden and the like. While telling me about his garden, he nodded a lot and I started to think I was out with Forrest Gump. When we part, he does not try to kiss me. I speculate that it's because I mentioned that I'd had a cold the week before.

Fourth date is the concert. By now, I've had enough but felt it would be mean to blow him off right before the show. During the show, G paws me and I'm polite but far from responsive. I carefully sidestep attempts to make plans to attend future concerts together. When we part, he again sticks his tongue in my mouth.

A day or so passes and he emails me to ask me out again. I write back and say something about the relationship not developing the way I'd hope, no thanks. He writes back, what? We didn't get closer because you had a cold!!

This is a typical, not terribly funny date. But I learned if the guy bores me on email, it's not gonna get any better.

[ias_39]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick

but just to set the record straight, let me just say that not only is [TM] good looking, he is good sounding too.

Of that I've no doubt, unlike say, the plated, who's claimed to be terribly average in the physical department, but for TM to be as hot as he is cool is a statistical improbability.



Change up, SS doesn't need a haircut, because he already has a real job.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
See? See?!

Shut up or I'll give you a makeover you'll never forget.