Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03 - 10-3-03

Originally posted by Anttwat
So as "holder of the device" you made yourself expendible and obsolete. Apparently she figured out how to hold her own device. Much more efficiency in that plan.
You are supposed to market yourself as "owner of the device" just a thought for next time. Or when you're with Paigow.

Some uses for toys in Sex with Two People situations that does not make the guy obsolete:

1) vibrating or nonvibrating dildo to be inserted into slot B durring cunnilingus (the only way I can get off during this to date)

2) same as above but slot C. Dont forget the jelly

3) guy uses described toy on girl while she goes down on him (which is not ideal for me bc I am not one of these talented multi taskers- I need to focus on the job at hand, if you will)

4) during intercourse, of course

5) girl uses a jelly dipped little vibrating dildo on guy during just about anything. TIP: get a cock ring, or even better, tie off the head of the penis so that he doesnt come to quickly and get that party ended too quickly, bc he will go nuts.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Fugee


So for your Monday consideration, what would your action figure look like? What kind of accessories and clothing?

I would just want it to look like Snake Eyes.


Or Storm Shadow.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Sparkleguy's take on the night:

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
I was contacted by a guy ("G"). Not a very interesting note and not terribly attractive but what the hell, I replied. The email exchange was almost immediately boring but I think it's hard for strangers to write emails to each other. We talk on the phone to arrange a date. The conversation was better than the email so I think maybe he's shy.

So, I email this girl. She's not very attractive, so I don't really need to turn on the charm to get her to agree to go out with me. The email exchange was almost immediately boring. I give her a call because I'd rather talk to another human being than deal through email, but she seemed to be more comfortable from the safety of her computer.

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
We meet for dinner. He looks cuter in real life than I expected. I have a better time than I expected. G invites me to a concert in a month's time. I foolishly say yes.

We met for dinner and I turn on the charm. It works like a..well, charm. I foolishly ask her to a concert in a month's time. She says yes, of course. She found me on the internet. What's she got to do?

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
We go out a second time. We meet at a "hip" bar in my neighborhood. He's twitching because the band is not playing the kind of music he heard when he was there earlier in the week. So we mosey down to another place that's a little quieter so we can talk. By 11 pm, he's telling me about which events he did in HS track. I start thinking "Kill me now."

Our second date was to TGIF in her neighborhood. She sure likes buffalo wings. The way she eats them grosses me out to the point of making me squirm in my chair. She asks what's wrong so I have to blame it on the music. I decide to take her someplace where there's no food. She's got nothing to say at all, so I try to fill the void. I start thinking, "Kill me now."

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Soon, I say I need to get home. On the street, he shoves his tongue in my mouth. I pull away. Ick, really crappy kisser.

She finally says she has to go home. She looked so pathetic leaning in like that that I had to kiss her. How did she kiss? Two words: "Dead fish." Yuck.

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
For our third date, we plan to go to an free, outdoor concert. He's super rigid about bringing food and chairs (I'm not allowed to do anything). I'm hanging with friends who live close to where G and I are meeting up so my friend ("F") tags along to meet G. Long story short, F is not impressed. At the concert, I try to find out more about G in an attempt to see the human beyond the robot. G is largely nonresponsive except for thrilling details about tomatoes in his garden and the like. While telling me about his garden, he nodded a lot and I started to think I was out with Forrest Gump. When we part, he does not try to kiss me. I speculate that it's because I mentioned that I'd had a cold the week before.

Since this is going nowhere fast, I decided not to spend another dime on this girl. So, we go to a free concert, outdoors. I make sure I'm the one who brings the food because I can't bear to watch her devour the Krispy Kremes she wanted to bring. I also bring the chairs because I didn't want her to have to carry anything. Guess what? She brings one of her stupid, nosy, ugly friends instead. Hello? This is a date, jackass. I don't want to have to entertain your stupid friends. Especially the ones who can't get their own dates and who have to be critical because they have nothing going on in their lives.

So, I'm trying to put all this behind me and am just sitting back, enjoying the music when my date and her idiot friend keep drilling me about my personal life. I'm a private person (and didn't feel like discussing in front of her nosy friend anyway), so I decide to dodge the questions with anything I can think of. I made all this shit up about my garden. She bought every word of it. Knucklehead. I live on the 18th floor and have one plant.

She's coughing, wheezing and sneezing and again, leans in for a kiss like she's an overgrown catfish. This time, I decline.

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Fourth date is the concert. By now, I've had enough but felt it would be mean to blow him off right before the show. During the show, G paws me and I'm polite but far from responsive. I carefully sidestep attempts to make plans to attend future concerts together. When we part, he again sticks his tongue in my mouth.

I can't believe I committed to going to this concert with her. I should have taken my mom. But since she's here and no longer ill, I might as well try and cop a feel or two. She's as cold as ice, but lets me do my thing. Whatever. I'm done with her, but give her the old, "we should do this again sometime" line. She eats it up. Then she leans in for another kiss. I hope this is the last one.

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
A day or so passes and he emails me to ask me out again. I write back and say something about the relationship not developing the way I'd hope, no thanks. He writes back, what? We didn't get closer because you had a cold!!

For the next few days, she won't stop emailing me, so I finally respond. Then she asks why we didn't go all the way. I mean, you were just sneezing all in my face. What'd you think was going to happen? So, that was that.

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
This is a typical, not terribly funny date. But I learned if the guy bores me on email, it's not gonna get any better.

What a shitty date. I can't deal with these girls I meet over the internet. It's like they're only alive when they're dealing with you on email. Unless you're a buffalo wing, they don't know how to interact with you face-to-face.

TM

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by baltassoc
Why is this the man holding you down? Now, if the man had just rejected the loan because it wouldn't do any good to have a personal guaranty from a CEO who was black, I'm following you. But instead your client seems to have said that he wasn't sure about the company, but he thought the CEO was good for it.

Good God. It was a joke. The idea behind the joke is that my client was only after the debtor's assets and wouldn't have asked for a personal guarantee from a white CEO in the same position because he would in fact believe in the company, etc. Don't be such a putz.

TM

[Someone's Evil Twin]

Originally posted by purse junkie
I would smite down sexist pigs and evil dog-haters with a single whack of my immaculate white gloves. And I would civilize tiresome alpha-asshole opposing counsel with a nice break for tea and perhaps some narcotized cookies in the afternoons.

My smashing collection of vintage cloches would serve no particular purpose, but who says you can't look chic kicking ass?

They make my action figure. Mr. Potatohead. But he needs a couch as an accessory.

And an Uzi. You never know when an uzi will come in handy.

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Looks like very heavy competition for the Bilmore aware today. Please get additional entries in before noon so the judges will have adequate time to consider them.

poster whose persona I havent determined yet, please. the bilmore of the day is by definition limited to one or two lines. , and to get abbaesque on you, it is MY term, I invented it, and I popluarized it. MINE.

FWIW< I htink burger brought TITS to the board, darlin. BUt I will give you credit for bitch pleae, though I sense that maybe snoopy dog dog invented it.

LOVED the drive by truckers at the Fest. and E/O, thanks to you and Oddman for letting me share your bed.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
poster whose persona I havent determined yet, please. the bilmore of the day is by definition limited to one or two lines. , and to get abbaesque on you, it is MY term, I invented it, and I popluarized it. MINE.

FWIW< I htink burger brought TITS to the board, darlin. BUt I will give you credit for bitch pleae, though I sense that maybe snoopy dog dog invented it.

LOVED the drive by truckers at the Fest. and E/O, thanks to you and Oddman for letting me share your bed.

FINE. A new award will be given today, in honor of the poster whose persona has been stuck more times and in more places than a pin cushion (NTTAWWT, BTW). The PAIGSoTD award goes to the poster with the most boring yet verbose post each day.

Competition is expected to be hot; again, entries in by noon.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
FWIW< I htink burger brought TITS to the board, darlin. BUt I will give you credit for bitch pleae, though I sense that maybe snoopy dog dog invented it.

Burger will (or at least should) confirm that I am responsible for bringing TITS!!! to the board (though I have never claimed to have invented it). Bringing back TITS!!! was my new years' resolution circa 2002 (could have been 2001, but I think 2002).

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
FINE. A new award will be given today, in honor of the poster whose persona has been stuck more times and in more places than a pin cushion (NTTAWWT, BTW). The PAIGSoTD award goes to the poster with the most boring yet verbose post each day.

Competition is expected to be hot; again, entries in by noon.

Yawn. Derivative attempts at funniness are so very bold n brazenesque. get your own material and step off my coattails.

and bitch please, the boringest poster on the board competition, while tough, would not see me in its final rounds. If so, I would be on yours, and probably someone else's ignore list. but it's just too good.

but thanks for playing.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Good God. It was a joke.

Again? Always with the after-the-fact "it was a joke" excuse. Sheesh. Effin' arrogant.

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Yawn. Derivative attempts at funniness are so very bold n brazenesque. get your own material and step off my coattails.

and bitch please, the boringest poster on the board competition, while tough, would not see me in its final rounds. If so, I would be on yours, and probably someone else's ignore list. but it's just too good.

but thanks for playing.

and to answer the actio figure thing, while I dont have one for myself, I can imagine a little FB dollhourse, where, at this point,. bold n brazen jumps in, in heather number three mode, and comments about my supersized ego in an attempt to rally the troups and start a coup'd'skek against the mother of all Heathers.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
Burger will (or at least should) confirm that I am responsible for bringing TITS!!! to the board . . .

If he won't, I will.





Oh, you mean the post . . . .

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
Burger will (or at least should) confirm that I am responsible for bringing TITS!!! to the board (though I have never claimed to have invented it). Bringing back TITS!!! was my new years' resolution circa 2002 (could have been 2001, but I think 2002).

TITS are yours; and mostly everyone here would agree with me on that.

[evenodds]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
LOVED the drive by truckers at the Fest. and E/O, thanks to you and Oddman for letting me share your bed.

So much for "what happens at ACL, stays at ACL."

[Someone's Evil Twin]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Yawn. Derivative attempts at funniness are so very bold n brazenesque. get your own material and step off my coattails.

and bitch please, the boringest poster on the board competition, while tough, would not see me in its final rounds. If so, I would be on yours, and probably someone else's ignore list. but it's just too good.

but thanks for playing.

The only think worse than a boring post is a boring back and forth on a boring post.

No thanks to either of you for playing.

Today is starting to look like Bilmore's day. Neither of you have risen to the occassion. Paigow, Greedy, step aside.