Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03 - 10-3-03

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Robert Randolph - totally blew me away. To say that he takes the steel guitar where it has never been shortchanges him.

But I bet Paigow has some thoughts about how this would work.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by purse junkie
Christ! He's married to Barbie.

This is a perfect example of why people should live together before marriage. And sleep together. Because she made a big yap out of the whole virgin thing, and if she's not any good in the sack, Nick's got no apparent reason to be married to this useless ditzbag at all.

Is Jessica Simpson the chick who claims to have remained a virgin until she married some cat from a really shitty band? If so, I have a huuuuge fuckin question... how in the fuck does she reconcile not fucking before getting hitched, but nevertheless getting implants? Putting implants into a virgin is like overhauling and upgrading the engine in a junked car. If you can't use those funbags, what's the fuckin point?

The whole virgin before marriage gig is rEdiculous. What if Nick and Jessica fucked for the first time on the wddding night and realized, "Hey, there's no fucking chemistry here! We suck in the sack." The last thing I would want on my wedding night is someone who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. You're supposed to get over the "awkward fumbling" stage in 10th grade. And its only worse for the ladies.... Imagine the premature ejaculation from a 25 year old virgin male. It'd make the kid in American Pie look like a porn star.

S(If I were president, everyone would have to offer proof of at least 7 sexual partner before qualifying for a marriage license)D

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Tyrone_Slothrop
Is The Simpsons still on network TV? If so, would someone let me know when the inevitable Queer Eye cameo happens? I wouldn't mind seeing what Matt Groening -- or, more appropriately, his Korean lackey -- does with that.

Favorite Simpsons cameo of all time? Good question. That would have to be Garrison Keillor, even if that wasn't him. I bet it wasn't him. Someone here will surely know.

The Simpsons already did a John Waters cameo and it was pretty fucking hysterical. That said, a QE cameo where QE does Homer would be fantastic.

Garrison.......... Keiller................... is........... hmmm............. fucking dull.

S("Wait God... lemme get this straight... you let the nazi hit the century mark but take a mensch like John Ritter from us with a heart condition only YOU could have known about???")D

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Garrison.......... Keiller................... is........... hmmm............. fucking dull.

I can tell that you remember the episode, because that was its point, too.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Most excellent. I hope to find something for a new avatar.

I'm not quite sure any still photo will quite capture the essence of what happened, though. Sure, the angle from the porta-potty was artistically interesting, and the inclusion of the hippie-with-i-pod in the background certainly set the scene properly, but can those last frenzied moments really be captured on film? Anyhow, bresticle day has come and gone.

[Someone's Evil Twin]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
what prominent poster of my level have I had an exchange with of late? the only real one of my level, who is as promient, is thurgred, and he is turning into me with his keep it funny and interesting buisiness. quite frankly, he is bordering on superfluous. If I dont see a witty translation fast, he might be joingting cheval, pj and old n razed in Ignore List land. hopefully PJ [EDITED bc CLEARLY I phoned this one in]

Thurgreed has not yet sunk to your level.

In Thurgreed's defense, the closest thing he has to your boring ignore list diatribes is his incessant sniping with Bilmore, and today's version is actually relatively amusing.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Here's a sentence that I never in a million years would have found myself thinking a year ago:

I feel sorry for Nick Lachey.

I don't think Nick Lachey is all that bright - I think someone with half a brain would have seen what she is all about a long time ago. I have to say, I still don't really understand the whole "I look like a sexpot but don't fuck me" phenomenon. Who wants to marry someone who subscribes to that? I can see wanting to fuck her, because she looks good, but marriage - that is a whole different ball game.

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Is Jessica Simpson the chick who claims to have remained a virgin until she married some cat from a really shitty band? If so, I have a huuuuge fuckin question... how in the fuck does she reconcile not fucking before getting hitched, but nevertheless getting implants? Putting implants into a virgin is like overhauling and upgrading the engine in a junked car. If you can't use those funbags, what's the fuckin point?

The whole virgin before marriage gig is rEdiculous. What if Nick and Jessica fucked for the first time on the wddding night and realized, "Hey, there's no fucking chemistry here! We suck in the sack." The last thing I would want on my wedding night is someone who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. You're supposed to get over the "awkward fumbling" stage in 10th grade. And its only worse for the ladies.... Imagine the premature ejaculation from a 25 year old virgin male. It'd make the kid in American Pie look like a porn star.

S(If I were president, everyone would have to offer proof of at least 7 sexual partner before qualifying for a marriage license)D

Um, Sebby dear, I think that most of the board will mainly agree that I am mostly correct when I state that she got the funbags (if she did) for purposes of her own vanity, not to let some sweaty chimp handle em. And the board will mostly agree that this is maily correct and that people like you are just jealous.

but my question is, why do we need a Jessica Simpson if we already have a Britney Spears? More superfluous than Thurgreed.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
The Simpsons already did a John Waters cameo and it was pretty fucking hysterical. That said, a QE cameo where QE does Homer would be fantastic.

I think I would actually watch that one. Brilliant.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I don't think Nick Lachey is all that bright - I think someone with half a brain would have seen what she is all about a long time ago. I have to say, I still don't really understand the whole "I look like a sexpot but don't fuck me" phenomenon. Who wants to marry someone who subscribes to that? I can see wanting to fuck her, because she looks good, but marriage - that is a whole different ball game.

By no means is Nick a rocket surgeon, but at least he's relatively down-to-earth and independent enough to survive on his own.*

To quote Paul in "Beautiful Girls" [S]he's like a retarded kid who doesn't even know [s]he's retarded."


*I can't believe I'm defending this guy.**

**Said in a "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy" Dukakis voice.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Sure, the angle from the porta-potty was artistically interesting, and the inclusion of the hippie-with-i-pod in the background certainly set the scene properly, but can those last frenzied moments really be captured on film?

Zounds, you are correct. My head must still be in the industrial cloud of killer made by the high school freshmen sitting behind us. Before I drained them of their blood, which may be contributing to my altered state in more ways than one. I want Oreos. And grapes.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Zounds, you are correct. My head must still be in the industrial cloud of killer made by the high school freshmen sitting behind us. Before I drained them of their blood, which may be contributing to my altered state in more ways than one. I want Oreos. And grapes.

I make it a point not to frequent musical festivals whose fans say "zounds,"* although this one sounded like lots of fun.


* As you might imagine, this has cost me my friends in the Society for Creative Anachronism.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Um, Sebby dear, I think that most of the board will mainly agree that I am mostly correct when I state that she got the funbags (if she did) for purposes of her own vanity, not to let some sweaty chimp handle em. And the board will mostly agree that this is maily correct and that people like you are just jealous.

but my question is, why do we need a Jessica Simpson if we already have a Britney Spears? More superfluous than Thurgreed.

I completely recognize the career reasons behind her decision to get the funbags. HOWEVER, if you're willing to make yourself that much of a sex symbol, why the fuck not just give it up?

I really hate these virgin/born again virgin preachers because they're just so goddamn stupid. Losing your virginity is probably the most anti-climactic event in your life. I recall thinking after I lost mine "That was the huge fucking deal I'd been waiting for?" Is it fun? Sure. Is it a sort of right of passage? Absolutely. Is it something amazingly revelatory that you'll recall until you die? Hardly. Its fuckin' - we all do it. Ain't no big deal. Jessica and the rest of the Jesus Brigade should get over themselves. What they're packin' between their thighs is not gold-plated. Get down off your high horse, dears, and start screwing like the rest of humanity for the past 100,000,000 years.

"My sexuality is special... its blessed and sacred and a gift from God." Yep, bumping uglies - a unique gift from God... given to every single animal that's ever lived. Last I checked, fucking worked pretty much the same for everyone, so if that's a sacred gift, you ought to take God to task for handing it out like mints at a hotel.

S(You need Jessica because Christina Aguillera will soon be a great big hookerish version of Cass Elliot if she keeps up that Ho-ho and Big Mac diet)D

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Um, Sebby dear, I think that most of the board will mainly agree that I am mostly correct when I state that she got the funbags (if she did) for purposes of her own vanity, not to let some sweaty chimp handle em.

I'm pretty sure those fun-bags are real. I recall some interview in CosmoGirl in which she discusses developing early and large.

If Nick gets bored or irritated tell him to contact me. I don't care if he's dumb. Most people are. He is at least 98 degrees of hot.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
S(You need Jessica because Christina Aguillera will soon be a great big hookerish version of Cass Elliot if she keeps up that Ho-ho and Big Mac diet)D

Bitch please. Keep with the program. Xtina lost a bit of the extra and looks hot again. She is on the list I keep in the protective folder that my faxes come to me in. Along with Nick.