It's all about me

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by dtb
Just pick one and don't eat it. I'm sure there will be plenty of other victuals that will comply with your dietary restrictions. You could also load up on Twinkies or something (why did I ever think those were good? Ick.) before the show, uh, I mean the wedding.

Don't Twinkies have meat in them?

[Shape Shifter]

Oversize women shopelifters are wreaking havoc in South Africa. "Size is a factor in that they use it to intimidate the staff," says Inspector Michael Reed, adding that, "several arrests have been made but some of these women are still at large."

[str8outavannuys]

What's the appropriate etiquette when one comes to the office to see one's assistant in tears because her mom has passed away, and she needs to go home to Ceylon for a few weeks? How does one send flowers to Colombo?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Q: What is the cutoff age of young female celebrities for guys not to be considered total "pervs" in thinking they are hot? For example, a lot of my male friends looove Lindsay Lohan. Now that she just turned 18 and is "legal," does this make their obssesion with her non-taboo? Or, should age only be a secondary factor, combined with how old the actresses appear to look along with the age of the male in question?
--Brigid, Kalamazoo, Mich.

SG: I would say the answer has to be 18, since that's the legal age and all. With that said, we're the same guys who look back nostalgically on Britney's "Oops, I did it again" Era, Alicia Silverstone in "The Crush" and Anna K's first Wimbledon, and we're the same guys who counted down the months until the Olsen twins' 18th birthday and spent entire days exchanging e-mails on whether Lohan bought implants or not (my buddy Raff and I have spent hours arguing about this -- I still say no). The point is that the vast majority of guys are "total pervs." That's just who we are. And women know this.

I think there's a bigger question here: When did this stuff become socially acceptable to even discuss? To borrow a phrase from Malcom Gladwell, what was the tipping point? For instance, Nicole Eggert was smoking-hot on "Charles in Charge" back in the '80s, but I doubt adult males were openly lusting after her like they would now. Was it the birth of the Internet? The growth of these pseudo-Playboy mags like "Stuff" and "Maxim"? Did Kournikova start this whole thing? Britney?

I would argue that it goes back to "Beautiful Girls." Remember that movie? The one where Timothy Hutton (searching for himself in his late-20s) returns home for a few weeks, hangs out with some old buddies, and ends up in a bizarre mental love affair with a 13 year-old Natalie Portman? Romantics would argue that Hutton's character appreciated the purity of Portman's personality -- she was untainted by life, wise beyond her years, and maybe three more years from being smoking-hot -- and it was easy to have a harmless crush on someone like that. Cynics would argue that this was a romantic comedy about a budding pedophiliac. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.

Here's the point: Every guy thinks that Natalie Portman was hot in that movie.

And again, she was like 13 at the time. Which is really, REALLY creepy. But that was the whole point of the movie -- Hutton's character was beaten down by life and relationships, and the Portman character symbolized a fresh start for him. He just had to wait until she was legal. That's how desperate he was to find true love -- he would rather wait on the potential of the "Token Hot Girl Everyone Loved Back in the 8th Grade" (mine was Tina Salomon) and the "Token Unattainable Hot Blonde" (Uma Thurman's character) over rolling the dice with the above-average, unexciting relationship he was already involved in. And yes, I liked this movie. Maybe it was predictable, maybe it cheesy, and maybe there were lines in it like "Don't let her go, man," but this was a pretty good portrait of a tortured guy in his late-20s. And a good example of why guys are "total pervs." On behalf of the entire male race, I apologize.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
This past summer I ran into A good friend of mine from high school with whom I'd lost contact. She met another friend of mine's brother in Chicago and they are getting married. Anyway, because of this random run in at the birthday party of my friend and her fiance's brother, I have ended up on the wedding invite list. the RSVP asks me to check of my choice of entree's for the reception, both of which are meat. What is the correct way to respond, as I don't eat meat. Do I note it on there? DO I leave it blank? What do i do?

People serve food at weddings?

[Replaced_Texan]

Does I bring a gift to a litter reunion for my puppy's first birthday at the breeder's house?

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Does I bring a gift to a litter reunion for my puppy's first birthday at the breeder's house?

What an awesome question. So much to work with.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
What an awesome question. So much to work with.

I'd start with the inexcusable grammar error and then work from there.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Watchtower
I will never again kill the board with a religious quote.

Please forgive me.

It wasn't a quote; it was a cite. And I only look shit up when I'm getting paid to do it. So you really killed the board with nothing but a pathetic attempt to get us all to do research for free.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Don't Twinkies have meat in them?

They're people!!!!! Twinkies are people!!!!!


T(from my cold dead hands)W

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Oversize women shoplifters are ... still at large."

Humans say the darndest things.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by taxwonk
It wasn't a quote; it was a cite. And I only look shit up when I'm getting paid to do it. So you really killed the board with nothing but a pathetic attempt to get us all to do research for free.

It's a slow day. I don't mind doing a little research. Verses 12 and 13 of that chapter are interesting, anyway.

12 As many as desire to make a fair shew in the flesh, they constrain you to be circumcised; only lest they should suffer persecution for the cross of Christ.

13 For neither they themselves who are circumcised keep the law; but desire to have you circumcised, that they may glory in your flesh.

http://www.htmlbible.com/kjv30/B48C006.htm

Which leads me to wonder, who the fuck were the Galatians?

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Which leads me to wonder, who the fuck were the Galatians?

eta - a movie with Natalie Portman - tying threads. Hm.

[NotFromHere]

So, I get this error message from Lawtalkers. dtb, can you please tell me how this happened?

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[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
It's a slow day. I don't mind doing a little research. Verses 12 and 13 of that chapter are interesting, anyway.

12 As many as desire to make a fair shew in the flesh, they constrain you to be circumcised; only lest they should suffer persecution for the cross of Christ.

13 For neither they themselves who are circumcised keep the law; but desire to have you circumcised, that they may glory in your flesh.

http://www.htmlbible.com/kjv30/B48C006.htm

Which leads me to wonder, who the fuck were the Galatians?

You ask who the fuck are the Galatians?

(spree: its just the Galatians, man, what are the IT folks going to say: hey, we caught him checking out Galatian sites?)