Drive fast, live hard, no regrets... Sorry Penske

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by spookyfish
I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.

Stay away from "the groom always loved full-figured women."

TM

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Not Bob
That being said, I kinda hope that this doesn't devolve into the usual "fat people should be shot" thread that we seem to create here every so often.

Fat people are funny. But we shouldn't kill them.

TM

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Not Bob
I'd avoid trying to be too funny -- a brief and bland witticism along the lines of "if you had told his law school classmates that a chick like Muffy would even give Skip the time of day, much less agree to spend the rest of her life with him, they would have laughed you out of the room" is about as far as you should go in terms of humor.

Don't be too maudlin (a danger for me while I am drunk), but throw something romantic and sweet in there -- maybe something like "I see Skip and Muffy together, and I know how happy they are to have found each other. And, knowing them, I know how happy they both are to have us here to see them officially become a couple, and to celebrate their vows with them."

No hints (much less actual comments) about the hot sex they had in the limo/will have in the coat room in 5 minutes/joining the Mile High Club/etc.

And keep it short.

I actually have to be very conservative with my speech given the nature of both families.

Or do I?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Fat people are funny. But we shouldn't kill them.

TM

Why? They would surely eat you if you were stranded on a desert island with them.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by spookyfish
Okay. So this coming weekend, I may or may not be involved in certain traditional festivities involving a friend of mine from law school, which may or may not involve me getting up in front of a group of people who may or may not be drunk and speaking about/giving best wishes to said friend and said friend's significant other. Did I mention that the group of people of whom I am speaking may or may not be friends or relatives of my friend and said friend's significant other? Did I also mention that I don't actually know many of these people besides said friend and said friend's significant other?

I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.

Did I also mention that I may or may not be drunk by then and I am trying to avoid any catastrophes of Costanzian proportions?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

If these people are drunk they want to hear at least 1 funny story concerning you and the friend. Maybe even one that includes the significant other. And hopefully, slightly embarassing - but not too embarrassing.

And if they're drunk they'll have a short attention span. Plan your speech as if Sebby were there. You'll be able to predict exactly when people will tune out. That's when you say "thank you, good night."

[nononono]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Oh, you're taking me back waaaay into history. But yes, it feels good. then you wake up and say "Fuuuuuuuck. I gotta clean this shit."

I used to sleep naked. Now its boxers. Sometimes its naked. But I tend to slepp above the covers a lot, and I keep the A/C cranked, so sleeping naked is tough in the Summer. Winter I sleep naked a lot.

No. No. No. I never, ever, sleep in just a t shirt. Yeccch.

Ew. Men should never sleep in just a tshirt. It's all wrong.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I actually have to be very conservative with my speech given the nature of both families.

Or do I?

Why hold back? Why not give them a taste of the actual future with Coltrane?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Why? They would surely eat you if you were stranded on a desert island with them.

Unlike you, sebby, TM likes receiving oral.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by spookyfish
Okay. So this coming weekend, I may or may not be involved in certain traditional festivities involving a friend of mine from law school, which may or may not involve me getting up in front of a group of people who may or may not be drunk and speaking about/giving best wishes to said friend and said friend's significant other. Did I mention that the group of people of whom I am speaking may or may not be friends or relatives of my friend and said friend's significant other? Did I also mention that I don't actually know many of these people besides said friend and said friend's significant other?

I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.

Did I also mention that I may or may not be drunk by then and I am trying to avoid any catastrophes of Costanzian proportions?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

3 bourbons, good. 5, bad.

Good: "So then I see Tim running for the car, and the goat is chasing him, and the whole thing was such a hoot..."

Bad: "So then she, uh... yeh, she says 'I got this goat behind the barn, and for fifty American dollars...'"

Reallly Bad: "And Tim was tripping soooo fucking hard... I mean, REALLY losing his shit..."

Deserving The Hook: "I've never seen anyone drive that fucking drunk before... Tim can survive anything... I mean anything! I love you, Tim!"

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Remember, I am dating someone who is hairy, chubby and poor. I was not trying to be fattist.

Nor was I, for the record. I was simply seeking a definition.

ETA: I am dating someone who is smooth and muscular.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Unlike you, sebby, TM likes receiving oral.

He's Past Sebby. I'm present Sebby. Past Sebby has never made any mention of his like or dislike of oral.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I actually have to be very conservative with my speech given the nature of both families.

Why? Is it a fatty wedding?

TM

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Unlike you, sebby, TM likes receiving oral.

Confidential to fringey:

Pssst. That was coltrane, sweetie, not sebby.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
If these people are drunk

If they're not, you shouldn't be there.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Confidential to fringey:

Pssst. That was coltrane, sweetie, not sebby.

Dammit.