General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
By the way, to all the Dads, once you've had all the kids you want the wife may start in about you needing to get cut. I can give you the name of a Doc to consult who will say its too dangerous for the benefits. That way you can keep your options open.

Wow, another festivus miracle. I agree. this came up once with the mother of my youngest child. I said no way, I am keeping my options open for my third wife. And fourth wife. Or any interested lovers in between or concurrently.

Plus the occasionaly stud fee for lesbian couples.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Same here. Both light sleepers, king bed, good-sized strong baby, no smoking, and wouldn't do it if we had had something to drink that night. I have baby between me and the edge of the bed only because my husband sometimes jerks his arms in his sleep, and would be devastated if he hit baby involuntarily, even if baby weren't hurt. I've also got one of those bedside co-sleepers right next to the bed, so on the chance baby rolled off (nearly impossible, as I have my arm around baby and amazingly, I don't move when we're set up like that, despite having been a very restless sleeper before) it wouldn't be a fall.

I read the warnings against it and I had my concerns at first, but it went so well in the hospital -- and it made me, and I think baby, really, really happy (I don't know if I've ever been more content as I am when this child is nestled next to me).

[serious answer] One thing that is not so obvious with the first, but becomes more clear with subsequent kids.....they are hard to break if you are marginally careful and attentive.
[/serious answer]

[Nut Penske]

Originally posted by Penske_Account
What type of slanderous allegation is this?

The kind that is a question.

Hank, is that you?

No. But have you seen my wife?

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
What is the current thinking about having a child sleep in the same bed as the parent(s)? Does this size of the bed matter? What about the size of the people in said bed? Is the concern SIDS or smothering?

Thanks for all the comments, they are helpful for me. FWIW, it relates to one of my cases. So-called experts were spouting off about it being inherently dangerous and bad (and evil and...). I thought it was bullshit to say automatically that a parent is bad to sleep with, in this case, an 11-month old kid.

[Secret_Agent_Man]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
2.) Any tips for someone who is dating someone with small children? Suggestions from step-parents or their spouses, or just anyone who has dated MILFs and/or FILFs would be welcome. I don't have kids of my own (unless the dogs count) and it's been awhile since I was regularly babysitting.

(1) Anyone who would boycott a coffee shop for posting that sign is way too full of themselves. We have two small ones, the preschooler generally behaves well when we're out (because we taught her to), and we leave, etc., to try to avoid bothering folks if needed.

You have to monitor your kids at all times in public, and yes, sweetie if you bring two little kids to Starbucks you don't get to lounge and read your paper while they do as they please. Being a parent with kids in attendance means that you don't necessarily get to enjoy your time in the shop.

(2) I don't meet any of those categories, but I'd say:

(a) support the parent;
(b) be nice, friendly, kind and nuturing as would any adult friend of the children;
(c) set limits as appropriate in your space (preferably in conjunction with parent), but
(d) don't try too hard, and don't try to step into a real authority figure kind of role unless the parent has formally "left you in charge"

S_A_M

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Secret_Agent_Man

(d) don't try too hard, and don't try to step into a real authority figure kind of role unless the parent has formally "left you in charge"

S_A_M

I believe she is dominant sexually, and certainly "in charge." I think you mean "in charge" with regard to the children. You might want to clarify.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
1.) Time for the control small children in public places discussion again. This time via the New York Times.

2.) Any tips for someone who is dating someone with small children? Suggestions from step-parents or their spouses, or just anyone who has dated MILFs and/or FILFs would be welcome. I don't have kids of my own (unless the dogs count) and it's been awhile since I was regularly babysitting.

They aren't your kids, so you don't have to take any responsibility. Feel free to laugh at any inappropriate antics, form alliances against Dad, and only trip them when nobody else is watching.

1) Never ever leave a toddler alone with a big tub of vaseline. Ever.

2) If you do, be sure the toddler is on the tile/linoleum/wood floor, not the carpet.

3) And away from the upholstry. Far, far, far, away.

3) Toddlers do not have nearly the discerning palate they pretend to at mealtimes.

5) Vaseline is just as hard to clean up as one might imagine, perhaps harder.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by TexLex
1) Never ever leave a toddler alone with a big tub of vaseline. Ever.

2) If you do, be sure the toddler is on the tile/linoleum/wood floor, not the carpet.

3) And away from the upholstry. Far, far, far, away.

3) Toddlers do not have nearly the discerning palate they pretend to at mealtimes.

5) Vaseline is just as hard to clean up as one might imagine, perhaps harder.

Well, on the plus side, you probably won't have to worry about hairballs for the next week, at least.

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Well, on the plus side, you probably won't have to worry about hairballs for the next week, at least.

Actually there's one on my stairs waiting for someone else to come home from work and clean it up. However, you are correct in that I can fairly safely assume it was not the Lexling that left it there.

[Secret_Agent_Man]

Originally posted by TexLex
1) Never ever leave a toddler alone with a big tub of vaseline. Ever.

2) If you do, be sure the toddler is on the tile/linoleum/wood floor, not the carpet.

3) And away from the upholstry. Far, far, far, away.

3) Toddlers do not have nearly the discerning palate they pretend to at mealtimes.

5) Vaseline is just as hard to clean up as one might imagine, perhaps harder.

Also -- beware of leaving toddlers alone in rooms with drawers containing tubes of diaper cream -- just around the corner from a new couch. Particularly when you spend some time most days applying lotion to the child to ward off dry skin.

S_A_M

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
(I don't know if I've ever been more content as I am when this child is nestled next to me).

Okay, I think I just went into a diabetic coma.

We co-slept with two, with the baby between us. It made sense for nursing; I think there's less benefit for bottle-fed infants (who sleep longer anyway). Once they were sleeping through the night, into the crib they went.

I was stressed out about rolling over on the first kid; with the second not so much. I recommend co-sleeping because the really minor remote risk involved is counterbalanced by the sleep benefits for the mom, which are substantial.

That said, a FOAF had a grandchild die when he fell between the bed and a wall while co-sleeping. Two things about this are (1) he was almost two at the time, FWIW; (2) there might have been drugs or alcohol involved and grandma ain't sayin' so; and (3) YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE THE FUCKING BED AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL. Modern medical science says a fall from two feet is better than being trapped between the bed and the wall or those bed-rail things we all grew up with.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Okay, I think I just went into a diabetic coma.

Oh, come on, I'm allowed a little post-delivery euphoria.

We co-slept with two, with the baby between us. It made sense for nursing; I think there's less benefit for bottle-fed infants (who sleep longer anyway). Once they were sleeping through the night, into the crib they went.

I was stressed out about rolling over on the first kid; with the second not so much. I recommend co-sleeping because the really minor remote risk involved is counterbalanced by the sleep benefits for the mom, which are substantial.

Plus, the really minor remote risk may actually be negated by a mother's heightened awareness of the child's breathing, which may in turn reduce the sleep benefits for the mom (at least in the early weeks, in my limited experience).

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Plus, the really minor remote risk may actually be negated by a mother's heightened awareness of the child's breathing, which may in turn reduce the sleep benefits for the mom (at least in the early weeks, in my limited experience).

2. keep in mind Atticus and his wife don't take any drugs so their awareness is that much more heightened.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
2. keep in mind Atticus and his wife don't take any drugs so their awareness is that much more heightened.

Having co-slept, Atticus should have an easier time handling it when the kids hit the teen years and start shitting in his bed again.