Fashion Board 2-3-04 to 3-5-04 - Page 174

Oliver_Wendell_Ramone · 02-20-2004, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
To continue with this narcisistic theme, yesterday when I was having sex on all fours with my bra on, I looked in the mirror in front of me and noticed that thanks to gravity my tits actually looked big. And I thought "look at that girl with practically no hair and great big glorious tits".

(true story.)

I have a sudden craving for cake. Odd.

str8outavannuys · 02-20-2004, 01:52 PM

1. Don't forget to watch the tonight show with my wife in a taped bit with Kevin Smith. My wife will be the non-repulsive one. who doesn't write stilted dialogue.

2. Maura Tierney's popularity just goes to show that cute and sassy still works. Huzzah!

3. Mulling over whether to take Courtney Love in my dead pool entry. I think I'm going to be music heavy, but perhaps I should load up on ancient athletes? This is my first. If there was a divorce pool, I'd definitely take John Daly.

4. Closest thing I was able to find on Google was:

Eddie Murphy - Black History Minute.

George Washington Carver was an inventor determined to make a phonograph needle out of a peanut instead of a diamond. One day, he had two white friends over for dinner. They noticed he was putting something strange on his bread instead of butter. "Say, George, what's that you're putting on your bread?" they asked. "Oh," George replied, "this is just a butter substitute I made out of peanuts. I can't digest all that animal fat, you know." These two white men--Jeffrey "Jiff" Jefferson and Stan "Skippy" Williamson--STOLE that recipe and went on to amass great fortunes selling peanut butter to millions of Americans. Meanwhile, George Washington Carver died penniless and insane, still trying to play a phonograph record with a peanut."

Atticus Grinch · 02-20-2004, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by taxwonk
I know you aren't Aticus's sock. He's a twisted tool with serious pedophilia and bestiality issues.

Don't fuck with me. I know CPR and am prepared not to use it.

(Pedophilia?)

Atticus Grinch · 02-20-2004, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by robustpuppy
You know, you use the word shit and mention actual shit more than anyone I know.

Sorry. I cut my teeth in a litigation boutique, and this is a big step up from the anal rape metaphors I formerly used to describe mundane activities, encounters, and written discovery responses.

Sidd Finch · 02-20-2004, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NotFromHere
OK, make me the one to ask this then...what happened to your hair?

Huh. Did Gwink say something about hair in that post?

Incidentally, I am now accepting contributions for the Gwink Webcam fund.

Hank Chinaski · 02-20-2004, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Sorry. I cut my teeth in a litigation boutique, and this is a big step up from the anal rape metaphors I formerly used to describe mundane activities, encounters, and written discovery responses.

I don't think she's bugged by the explitives, it probably more the personal info. Like when you mentioned the exact times you go potty every day. I for one cannot help but imagine you getting up from your desk at 1:30 PST, and then start expecting some humorous newspaper link about 20-25 minutes later.

Sidd Finch · 02-20-2004, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Sorry. I cut my teeth in a litigation boutique, and this is a big step up from the anal rape metaphors I formerly used to describe mundane activities, encounters, and written discovery responses.

Of course, thanks to Less, we all became just a bit more graphic in our workplace descriptions.

Thankfully, it's been awhile since I felt the need to say "the judge just skullfucked me".

NotFromHere · 02-20-2004, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I don't think she's bugged by the explitives, it probably more the personal info. Like when you mentioned the exact times you go potty every day. I for one cannot help but imagine you getting up from your desk at 1:30 PST, and then start expecting some humorous newspaper link about 20-25 minutes later.

Dude, get your terminology right. It's twosies, not potty.

LessinSF · 02-20-2004, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
Of course, thanks to Less, we all became just a bit more graphic in our workplace descriptions.

Thankfully, it's been awhile since I felt the need to say "the judge just skullfucked me".

I've moved on. Now, its "the judge fucked me up the butt and called it roses."

Fugee · 02-20-2004, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Very nice turnout for first day of death pool sign-ups! So far I have 6 participants (not including me). Still waiting for Fugee's picks, since she is the one who inspired the pool (not because I was wishing for her death or anything of course).

I'm totally in but have to do some thinking about my picks. Call me ghoulish.

str8outavannuys · 02-20-2004, 02:50 PM

Funniest thing I've read this week is an op-ed piece in the Onion, written by CEO of Gillette, called "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades." http://www.theonion.com/opinion.php?i=1&o=1

"All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it.""

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.) · 02-20-2004, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Funniest thing I've read this week is an op-ed piece in the Onion, written by CEO of Gillette, called "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades."

I'm now thinking Atticus cut his teeth inhouse at Gillette.

bold_n_brazen · 02-20-2004, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Okay. Now we've heard about your tits, ass and legs. You keep talking all this shit, but I still haven't received any proof.

And does your stomach look like this?:

[photo of really really flat stomach]

Because, then I would really need some photos.

TM

Shit no. I wish.

I had a baby 11 months ago, c-section. My stomach does not look like that. And I doubt now that it ever will.

(which is why I wouldn't wear a midriff-baring top if I were trying to feel confident and sexy).

Shape Shifter · 02-20-2004, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Shit no. I wish.

I had a baby 11 months ago, c-section. My stomach does not look like that. And I doubt now that it ever will.

(which is why I wouldn't wear a midriff-baring top if I were trying to feel confident and sexy).

Don't let your modesty prevent you from showing us your beautiful tits, ass, and legs.

dtb · 02-20-2004, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Funniest thing I've read this week is an op-ed piece in the Onion, written by CEO of Gillette, called "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades." http://www.theonion.com/opinion.php?i=1&o=1

"All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it.""

Thank you for linking to the only thing that has been able (albeit briefly) lift the cloud of crushing depression I have been under all week.

My personal favorite passage? The following:

"I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma."