Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03 - 10-3-03

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
It is my understnading that the colored folks like to do this. but strangely,. not the Jewish people

and is it porn or porno?

I could Venn Diagram this but: porn encompasses all pornography; porno just refers to movies...

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
This is just so fucking sexy.

I thought you'd like that.

[Bad_Rich_Chic]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I didn't believe that until witnessing the posts during this conversation.

Thurgreed(but I'm still not going to The South)Marshall

Well, I might not either - I said its effectively integrated, not non-racist - but you are missing out on some goddamn good food (and Orange Fago).

I, too, share your complaint about namby-pamby delicate stomachs, and agree that it seems, by my annecdotal experience, more a white thing than a black thing. I am totally blown away by what some people consider "spicey" (like, shrimp cocktail sauce?? Breakfast saussage? WTF?). But I get my fondness for aggressive spicey food from my dad, who, as I noted, doesn't pass the pencil test, so YMMV.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Every day, I get "Debt reduction the Christian way", "Enlarge your assets the Christian way" ("assets" because my firm's system blocks the word penis), "Christian Mortgages!" or something like that, and yes, Christian singles groups. It's the new hip spam (at least new to me).

I wonder if setting up a rule in Outlook to delete emails that contain the word "Christian" would backfire on me someday.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Anne Elk
Sheesh - I didn't mean to start a ruckus (but it is interesting). I only used colored in my original response because that is the term that was used in the post I was responding to.

Spoke to the SO about this last night. Black doesn't bother him. Colored doesn't bother him (then again he is from an Island).

Black does bother me. It may have been acceptable to the vast majority of people during my lifetime, but in my family it was not a nice word. Maybe it was the attitude with which it was uttered.

This isn't a ruckus.

If you don't like "black" and don't use "colored" or "African-American," what exactly do you say? And that's an honest question.

TM

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Du jour? Why don't you just use "black," which I believe has been acceptable during your entire lifetime. And you shouldn't want to do it to just avoid offending someone. You should do it as a form of respect for your fellow human being.

On second thought, scratch that. Continue using "colored." Let us know how it works out.

TM

My goodness, you negroes can be so picky. Oy.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I haven't decided yet whether I want the ball cap or the pen and pencil set.

Like I said, free shit.

BTW, I feel your pain (said in Clinton voice). I've had this happen to me as well. Oil completely drained. Engine completely frozen. Wallet completely empty.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Fugee
I need some "etiquette" help -- but of the kind where DS talks about ways to politely be nasty to someone.

Situation: a former executive of a client had an affair with a co-worker with whom I worked on the client business.** Both were married with children. The woman's husband was a stay-at-home dad. Both got fired, though not necessarily because of the affair because inter-office affairs were rampant in the executive suite there. They have since married and put their exes through hell in their divorces.

I haven't seen either of them since they left the client but recently met the guy's ex-wife who is very nice. (She has gotten to the place where she realizes that, except financially, her life is better than it would have been if he hadn't left). This past weekend I was in the grocery store parking lot when someone called my name -- I was parked right next to the cheaters.

What I really wanted to do was to -- as they say in historical romances -- give them "the cut direct." But I'm a coward when it comes to confrontation so I made polite conversation for as short a time as humanly possible and split.

So, what would Miss Manners recommend one do when one encounters people whose behavior one thinks has been completely unacceptable? Is there a modern version of "the cut direct" or at least something that would appear on the surface as polite but convey the message that someone's behavior is not condoned?

I cannot pretend to speak for Miss Manners (okay, I could, but not with this sock). I have never judged people by the way they manage their affairs of the heart. I have known too many otherwise sane and rational people who appear to have gone absolutely bonkers in these matters.

But what do I really know? Something to consider is that you do not and cannot know all the facts and circumstances involved. So you've become friends with one of the parties involved. That does not mean you are receiving complete and unbiased information. When was the last time a friend told you the real reason he or she was dumped? It's always told in such a way as to reflect badly on the dumper:

"He is emotionally unavailable."

"She is a castrating manipulative shebitch who never believed in me and threw out my favorite t-shirts."

"She cheated on me with my best friend."

"The bastard fucked my sister."

Could there be two sides to the story? Is the dumpee always blameless? Does blame even need to be assigned? Love is not static. Couples come together and sometimes break apart. The "cheaters" are really nothing more than two confused people seeking love to somehow brace themselves against the horror of their otherwise meaningless existence. What's wrong with that?

Your response to the cheaters was fine. I'm sure your discomfort showed through and they got the point. But you should get over your self-righteous indignation. Why do you feel the need to be nasty? Life and love are funny. You may find yourself as one of the cheaters some day.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Like I said, free shit.

BTW, I feel your pain (said in Clinton voice). I've had this happen to me as well. Oil completely drained. Engine completely frozen. Wallet completely empty.

Didn't the incredibly loud ticking sound during the last fifteen miles give it away?

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
2. Is it really that big of a deal to fake a smile and "Nice to see you?" We only do that, what, 10, 20 times every day of our lives?

An elegant defense of the hypocrisy you usually decry. The cut direct is etiquette's acknowledgment that the world is filled with despicable people, but we are not forced to interact with them. If you're in a service industry and need to avoid alienating them for monetary reasons, you've made a choice. But it isn't a reason to say it's a good thing to ignore a person's bad actions in their private life.

I suspect some of this is coming from a reticence to let our own sexual proclivities become a basis to be judged socially. So let's defuse that. Let me ask you: how do you deal with a person who tells racist jokes? Do you smile politely? Purse your lips in mild disapproval? Say, "Hey, man, be cool"?

How would you interact socially with a man who impregnated a seventeen year old girl, but refused to acknowledge parentage? I would not even return the smile of such a person. Would you?

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
When was the last time a friend told you the real reason he or she was dumped? It's always told in such a way as to reflect badly on the dumper:

"He is emotionally unavailable."

"She is a castrating manipulative shebitch who never believed in me and threw out my favorite t-shirts."

"She cheated on me with my best friend."

I dated a guy in grad school who described every ex-girlfriend as having undergone a radical personality change about 6 weeks into the relationship.

6 weeks later we broke up. He was afraid of intimacy.

Life and love are funny. You may find yourself as one of the cheaters some day.

I'm not out of town yet, lover, so stop flirting with Fugee!

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by bilmore
Didn't the incredibly loud ticking sound during the last fifteen miles give it away?

15 seconds. Oil line somehow exploded. Don't ask me how. Oil pressure gauge took about 5 seconds to drop completely. It was one of those "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??!!!!" things, and then it was over...

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by TexLex
My (black) mentee's family has a liter bottle of Tabasco on their table at all times....and several more in the pantry for back-up in case they run out. It seems a little excessive to me and my delicate stomach, but to each his own.

-TL

So does my non-black father. He used to have it airmailed to him when he did time in Yankee land and other places abroad.

[Bad_Rich_Chic]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
[Black is] all about the fucking context.

I remember reading, somewhere, that "black" was a reclaimed term of derision - before the '40s or '50s it was thought really insulting to call someone "black" rather than "brown" to refer to their skin color, and even worse to use black rather than negro to refer to their race. Activists challenged the idea that having dark skin was bad by adopting "black" to describe themselves.

This is a really vague memory from LS.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Send a letter. Emails are ignored by networks. Letters represent like 1000 pissed off viewers in their minds.

TM

I agree. The fact that Bill Walton still has a job announcing anything is a testament to the fact that no one at the networks reads the e-mails.