Fashion Board 12-09-03 through 1-08-04

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
You disgust me.

Anybody else picking up the Sam/Diane vibe here? For Chrissakes, get a room you two!

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
This may smack of regionalism, but I don't find that to be the case in all parts of the country, especially the northeast. It could be that my particular brand of trying to develop a rapport, such as asking someone how their day is going as they're checking me out of the grocery store, only works down here and in the west. I tend to hit brick walls in the northeast. Oh, and in the UK.

I'm in the Northeast. I think being genuinely nice to people and a bit flirty works even better here because its rare. Most folks up here are pretty selfish and rude in their dealing with functionaries like clerks, which is amazingly stupid, since the two people you can NEVER alienate are clerks and secretaries. Shit, I've seen people say stupid shit like "Well, obviously the only conclusion that can be reached is ____" to a judge. I actually once saw a judge say "So what you're saying is that if I were to disagree with counsel, I'd be a fool?" I think flirting is an extension of plitness. If friendliness is orange juice, flirting is a screwdriver. Its a little extra something, which when used properly, gives an extra bonus.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Remember your post where you said that ordering Pizza Hut would be like going home with a 35 yo spinster when you could have a 22yo supermodeL? ring any bells? you said pizza hut was like vomit, and also said a 35 yo was the equivalent of pizza hut so through the transitive property I gathered you thought a 35yo spinster was like vomit.

Very deductive (inductive?), Sherlock.

You'll never be vomit to me. I think you're wonderful.

[Colymbosathon ecplecticos]

Purse Junkie: It's art.

Me: Wrong. Flying 767s into the WTC twin towers is not art its fucking murder. Fucking moron.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
You'll never be vomit to me. I think you're wonderful.

That is so sweet. Looks like there may be a Christmas in Connecticut with Coltrane after all. Who says holiday wishes never come true?

Does Sequels still get her galoshes?

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
If friendliness is orange juice, flirting is a screwdriver. Its a little extra something, which when used properly, gives an extra bonus.

Translation: The only way I can get someone to fuck me is to get them drunk.

The check's in the mail, Thurgreed.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
But this is just to say that it doesn't matter who is doing it, women or men - both can feel like it's going to be taken the wrong way.

For men, having it taken the wrong way tends to mean that you get reprimanded, disciplined, or sued. For women, it tends to mean that the guy you smiled and said hello to assumes you want to have sex with him.

Because of the first thing, I don't flirt at work. I think it does in fact risk creating a hostile work environment, especially as men (including senior GPs and such) are more likely to flirt with more attractive women than with less attractive women, giving them an unfair workplace advantage (or at least the percetion of one).

Because of the second thing, I think it's a mistake for women to flirt at work. You risk creating the impression that you intend to advance your career in all the wrong ways, or that you are a walking litigation time-bomb.

By "flirting", I mean something with clear sexual overtones. Not being nice, smiling, chatting, etc.

[Sidd Finch]

Originally posted by bilmore
"[i]We wanted to send you all a Christmas or Chanukah card, but our attorney advised us to send the following...

This reminds me of an old Cathy card -- the outside was basically like that, the inside said "There. If this card offends anyone, fuck 'em."

[purse junkie]

Originally posted by Colymbosathon ecplecticos
Purse Junkie: It's art.

Me: Wrong. Flying 767s into the WTC twin towers is not art its fucking murder. Fucking moron.

What the fuck are you even talking about?

Edited to add, you complete idiot, we were talking about a building design as a memorial.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I never thought I flirted much because I wasn't much good at it until a bunch of us were actually discussing this recently and someone told me that I flirt all the time, apparently even with the secretaries. Her definition of flirting was more like my definition of being sweet, which I am good at. But I always thought flirting was more aggressive, which I am not generally as good at unless I have a few drinks in me or am just feeling particularly bold.

So what is the definition of flirting? And I agree with whomever said it is easier when you're not available.

Maybe you've moved on already, but I almost never flirt on the job. I am nice to people but virtually never in a flirtatious manner. I work in an area that has typically been very male dominated and my tactic (esp. with clients) has been to be taken seriously as an attorney by removing all hints of sexuality and tension from the equation. Since I deal with a lot of conservative married guys, it seems to make client development stuff much easier for me if I talk about my boyfriend and such. Otherwise I get the impression that they are thinking of me as some single woman on the make. The whole thing is actually a little uncomfortable IMO.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by bilmore
I think you can do quite well charming such people. What they don't react well to is including some sexual element in that charm. When someone says "flirt", I think of quasi-hitting-on behavior, which is different from simply doing what works best to attempt to connect with someone on a personal level and thus establish a relationship that gets me what I want at work. Friendly conversation and easy banter work to establish a relationship - adding a sexual component to it usually, in the long run, doesn't add to things positively in a professional context.

(Written as I read the three latest complaints alleging, with some good chance of success, that a flirting environment is a hostile environment - so maybe I'm just warped today.)

I agree with you. So maybe I'm warped too. Friendly conversation/banter does not constitute flirting to me, that is just being nice.

[purse junkie]

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
This reminds me of an old Cathy card -- the outside was basically like that, the inside said "There. If this card offends anyone, fuck 'em."

I've noticed firms/service providers sending out Thanksgiving cards instead. Which of course has its own potential for offense.

Unless it's "Jesus loves you unless you're an unrepentant hell-bound heathen", if someone wants to send me a pretty card or some holiday goodies, who cares if they get the holiday wrong?

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
For men, having it taken the wrong way tends to mean that you get reprimanded, disciplined, or sued. For women, it tends to mean that the guy you smiled and said hello to assumes you want to have sex with him.

Because of the first thing, I don't flirt at work. I think it does in fact risk creating a hostile work environment, especially as men (including senior GPs and such) are more likely to flirt with more attractive women than with less attractive women, giving them an unfair workplace advantage (or at least the percetion of one).

....

By "flirting", I mean something with clear sexual overtones. Not being nice, smiling, chatting, etc.

Concur. This is why I don't "flirt" at work.

Much, however, can be accomplished with a smile, and usually a half- or three-quarters-wattage smile will get what I need. Full wattage has been known to cause some women to disrobe, so extra care is needed.

[ABBAKiss]

Flirting on the job

I am a HUGE flirt, both on and off the job. But I do NOT usually flirt with anyone who is "above" me in the ranks and certainly not with anyone who would be prone to take it the wrong way. There are a few male partners I flirt with, but it is more of the friendly variety of flirting that the overtly sexual style I use with, say, the hot IT guy. I would never flirt with a client. I flirt with both genders too, and you would be surprised how many women flirt back. I am also surprised how well this works (greasing the wheels of support staff, IT, and fellow associates). I know that my back is gotten.

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm in the Northeast. I think being genuinely nice to people and a bit flirty works even better here because its rare.

There is a difference between flirting and being nice, and I do both. I flirt with men, rarely with women. Obviously everyone in my office knows I am gay, so the sexual innuendos, which fly around my office constantly, mean very little from me, unless I make them towards a woman. When the men make them towards me, they also mean very little. I only very rarely flirt with my female coworkers, it is always in an obvious joking manner. I don't ever flirt with the other gay women. If I were straight, I wouldn't be flirting with the men. I just don't need the potential grief.

We have a secretary who used to flirt with me. She asked me if I found her attractive, I just looked at her blankly. She introduced me at a party as a lesbian, her friend to whom she was introducing me looked at her like she was nuts. Recently she outright sexually harassed me. Now she doesn't talk to me and she is on probation. There are lines.

Outside my office, when I don't know people and they don't know me I am not particularly flirtatious. I am however very nice.