Toronto Trim's Hotel Cum Drop-in Centre

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
What does the fact that she was mexican-american have to do with this story? Were you just trying to help us all picture her or is there some relevance? Maybe trying to back up your earlier sexual stereotypes expertise?


[Have you heard the stereotype about how canadian-american men need the Viagra?]

I understand it. I had a client who had an assistant who was Spanish/Italian. She defied gravity in so many ways and had an unbelievable face. The Latin ladies are the shit.

Or maybe I'm just pining for the exotic, since I'm hitched to a standard Aryan blonde. Not complaining, but I dig the brunettes and the Latin faces. I can't fully explain whats so great about them...

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by ironweed
Speaking of which, and in light of the fact that we have monkeys, tigers and at least one warthog on the board, and in light of the fact that nfh is straight up mookin pa nub, here are some helpful tips for seducing all manner of critters.

Spree: McSweeneys

Holy shit, they've got me pegged.


eta: It's a good thing PLF doesn't read McSweeney's--he'd be unstoppable.

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I love you, even though you called me mom.

Porsche is what you buy when you'd like to have a Ferrari but lack the money. Its the everyman's sportscar. Nothing wrong with that, but people who drive them for sheer status ought to know that they're pretty fucking common.

But... then nobody drives them for status now, do they? Everybody I ask says he/she "really appreciates the magnificent engineering."

I think the fucking things look like low slung stylized AMC Pacers. Yeh, I know they're great cars. And if you gave me one, I'd drive it. But I'd sooner have my balls tatooed paisley than spend six figures on a fucking Porsche Turbo. If you make enough to spend $125K on such a car, yet can't afford a "real" exotic, you ought not to be buying the Turbo, you overstretched little dicked douchebag...

A Cautionary Tale about WHat Happens When You Party and Gallavant Around Instead of Focus On Your Career and End Up In Need of a Shrewish Sugar Momma

Mark Philippoussis. Jesus.

So this guy has some serious tennis gifts, esp his serve. He comes on the tour and is promising. Beats Sampras. Very hot. Kinda comes and goes on the tour. ONe minute he is in the top ten, the next he is in a wheelchair bc he hurt himself snowboardding in BC.

Mary Carillo relays some interesting color. He made some money. He couldnt wait to buy his first Ferrari. He has bought some twenty odd cars of that ilk. He had "dated" Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid, some pop singer from Australia and Paris Hilton among others. Carillo says he was "rich and busy". He spent a lot of money. Fast forward to 2005. He is 28 (Bilmoreesque in the tennis world). Pat Rafter tells him he has wasted his gift and could have had a great career. He has become engaged to a girl (and I mean girl) he has dated for five months, who turned 18 in January. She is a, as the Aussie tabs call her "A Real Estate Tycoon Heiress". She is in the stands rooting for him against Safin. (I wont spoil this match but this is a cautionary tale). The just turned legal shrew in her Pam Anderson Miami Vice sunglasses is yelling at him from the stands, giving him coaching handsignals. Phillipoussis nets a ball. Our heiress is then shown yelling "Stupid! Stupid! Slice" . Brad Gilbert notes that unless your wife is Steffi Graf, she should probably not be doling out tennis advice. Mary Carillo notes that "this is going to be a great marriage".

Washed up, kept man whore himbo at the age of 28. Cant wait to see how he is in five years, after another three failed comebacks and being dragged around on a leash by a spoiled daddy's girl who just got out of high school.

God. This is a better trainwreck than Britney and Paris.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Holy shit, they've got me pegged.

Flinty is nfh's grandpa? Who knew?

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by taxwonk
What did all the guys you blew drive?

To answer your question,

I've never blown a guy I haven't also fucked and I've never fucked a guy I haven't also blown.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I served him once. Alcohol, not sex (hi sunny!).

Ooh, ooh, I can play this game. I served Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And Karen Finley, who accused me of trying to get her drunk because I was generous with the pour.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
Ooh, ooh, I can play this game. I served Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And Karen Finley, who accused me of trying to get her drunk because I was generous with the pour.

Don't even try to play this game with me.

I'll see your Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward and (scoff) Karen Finley and raise you one Mike Myers, John Candy and 4 Kids in the Hall.

And that's not the half of it.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
A Cautionary Tale about WHat Happens When You Party and Gallavant Around Instead of Focus On Your Career and End Up In Need of a Shrewish Sugar Momma

Mark Philippoussis. Jesus.

So this guy has some serious tennis gifts, esp his serve. He comes on the tour and is promising. Beats Sampras. Very hot. Kinda comes and goes on the tour. ONe minute he is in the top ten, the next he is in a wheelchair bc he hurt himself snowboardding in BC.

Mary Carillo relays some interesting color. He made some money. He couldnt wait to buy his first Ferrari. He has bought some twenty odd cars of that ilk. He had "dated" Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid, some pop singer from Australia and Paris Hilton among others. Carillo says he was "rich and busy". He spent a lot of money. Fast forward to 2005. He is 28 (Bilmoreesque in the tennis world). Pat Rafter tells him he has wasted his gift and could have had a great career. He has become engaged to a girl (and I mean girl) he has dated for five months, who turned 18 in January. She is a, as the Aussie tabs call her "A Real Estate Tycoon Heiress". She is in the stands rooting for him against Safin. (I wont spoil this match but this is a cautionary tale). The just turned legal shrew in her Pam Anderson Miami Vice sunglasses is yelling at him from the stands, giving him coaching handsignals. Phillipoussis nets a ball. Our heiress is then shown yelling "Stupid! Stupid! Slice" . Brad Gilbert notes that unless your wife is Steffi Graf, she should probably not be doling out tennis advice. Mary Carillo notes that "this is going to be a great marriage".

Washed up, kept man whore himbo at the age of 28. Cant wait to see how he is in five years, after another three failed comebacks and being dragged around on a leash by a spoiled daddy's girl who just got out of high school.

God. This is a better trainwreck than Britney and Paris.

Wow. His life sucks.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
Ooh, ooh, I can play this game. I served Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And Karen Finley, who accused me of trying to get her drunk because I was generous with the pour.

I'm out. I've only raided a mini-fridge with Joss Whedon. Snapple and vodka isn't as bad as you'd think.

[Replaced_Texan]

Don't fuck with farmers in Kenya.

A 73-year-old Kenyan grandfather reached into the mouth of an attacking leopard and tore out its tongue to kill it. Peasant farmer Daniel M'Mburugu was tending his potato and bean crops in a rural area near Mount Kenya when the leopard leapt on him, authorities said yesterday.

M'Mburugu had a machete but dropped it to thrust his fist down the leopard's mouth.

"It let out a blood-curdling snarl that made the birds stop chirping," he told the daily Standard newspaper.

"This guy is very lucky to be alive," a Kenyan wildlife official told Reuters.

I bet the kids will listen when he yells at them to get out of his yard.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I'm out. I've only raided a mini-fridge with Joss Whedon. Snapple and vodka isn't as bad as you'd think.

I have poured many, many drinks for myself. A whole hell of a lot. On thousands of occasions. I have even poured for a naked myself. An immediately post-coital myself. An already drunk and pawing at me myself. An underage myself (!!! lawlessness -- that counts double, right?). A confiding myself, sharing the deepest secret's of myself's soul with me.

Oh, the stories I could tell.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by Oliver_Wendell_Ramone
Flinty is nfh's grandpa? Who knew?

"You have offended my family, and you have offended a Shaolin temple."

Originally posted by sunnybunny
Sebby, when I become a desparate spinster like Paigs and start looking for sperm donors...will you be kind enough to donate some spunk?

Sebby, that shoudl happen before her next ovulation. Better get the Juggs out.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Don't even try to play this game with me.

I'll see your Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward and (scoff) Karen Finley and raise you one Mike Myers, John Candy and 4 Kids in the Hall.

And that's not the half of it.

I am clearly out of my league, but I can add Robert Parker, Mark Metcalf (Niedemayer in Animal House)*, Cherry Jones, and F. Murray Abraham.

* The fact that I need to explain who he is simply confirms that I am out of my league.

I will also stipulate right now that you have slept with more professional hockey players than I have.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
I will also stipulate right now that you have slept with more professional hockey players than I have.

That is why I am one of life's winners.

Because if, one day I squander my gift Phillipousis-style and end up destitute and roaming the streets, cardboard box/home in one hand and 22 year-old Greek shipping billionaire heir in the other, I'll know that I have that in my back pocket and I can reach in and pull it out and the world will be my oyster once again.