Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[bilmore]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Yes. My rule is, snoop all you want, but you can't use what you find, because snooping is very very bad.

No way. If you have a reasonable basis to think something's going on, you owe it to yourself to snoop, unless you have nothing invested in the concept of exclusivity. The catch is, you'd better be right.

Originally posted by Cheater's girlfriend
Quiet? What's that supposed to mean? You mean you don't want the neighbors to hear when I have your nuts in a vice, twisting them until you cry for mercy? Is that what you mean? Or do you mean that you want me to be quiet? Are you telling me what to do again?

When you come home you've got some explaining to do. Or I'll beat you like a rug. Again.

This is a terrible sock. NFH, really.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
What does "use" mean?

When you snoop, you will either discover nothing, or discover something you really don't want to know. If it's the latter, the temptation to say "how could you x and y and z and say this and that and the other" is inevitable, but should be avoided, because the snooper has violated the other's privacy, regardless of what the snoopee had violated.

So, I can't speak to b 'n b's meaning, but I would say that you can't use it in the sense of throwing every painful detail you discovered while snooping in the other person's face. Of course, I think you can use the fact of what you discovered while snooping if the person denies what you know to be true. That is, "I know you're seeing someone because," but not, "how could you have told him ___."

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
Thanks for the responses. I tend to agree with Thurgreed's analysis. As to the question about the basis of my suspicions, I was not snooping out of particular concerns with our relationship at the moment. I was snooping more as a response to historical precedent.

Things in the relationship have seemed pretty good lately. While I agree with Bold N Brazen that there are reasons I looked and there are obviously reasons em is expending energies on someone else, I disagree that snooping is "just as bad". It sounds to me like her situation might be different than mine, because if/when I confront my s.o. on this, it won't be about whose transgression was worse or whether I'm barred from discussing the issue because of my actions. I just want a discussion of what's going on in em's mind and where we can go from here. I want the relationship to work and I want us to get to a place where we can again trust that there are no secrets or lies. I am firmly in the "secrets are bad" camp. Including the secret of my snooping, which is why I'm not overly upset at having to confess that up as well.

In response to gwnc, yes it bothers me. Somewhat from a standpoint of feeling betrayed and somewhat because we've been through this before and I thought we had an agreement. Or, put another way, I didn't realize our relationship was really as fucked up as it apparently is. On some level, I snooped because I'm a snooper and I didn't really expect to find anything.

Finally, in response to Hank, I am quite aware that this will lead to a loss of snooping outlets. That's why I haven't confronted in the lead up to this point. I needed to know more clearly what was going on.

Let me bottom line this for you. A world-class-bed-shitter cannot find relationship bliss with a long winded, dry fellow prone to Latinisms. We get all antsy and shit.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by bilmore
No way. If you have a reasonable basis to think something's going on, you owe it to yourself to snoop, unless you have nothing invested in the concept of exclusivity. The catch is, you'd better be right.

Actually, instead of just confronting the SO, the FBA should bomb the hell out of him/her and look around for conclusive evidence of infidelity afterwards. If infidelity is not found, justify your attack on humanitarian grounds.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Let me bottom line this for you. A world-class-bed-shitter cannot find relationship bliss with a long winded, dry fellow prone to Latinisms. We get all antsy and shit.

The bedshitter is the one who shits when antsy, right? Not the long-winded, dry fellow?

rp, thank you so kindly for the explanation of "use." Very helpful.

Originally posted by Gattigap
FWIW, this would've come across as much more convincing had you simply clipped the first x words of his post instead of reproducing it wholesale.

Uh, have we met?

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
What does "use" mean?

It's fruit of the poisonous tree. It's off limits.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
So you'd rather be snooped on and not know, than be snooped on and find out?

Actual question. I'm torn. I am currently trying very hard to stay in a state of blissful ignorance about the political proclivities of a guy I know.

Unless he says something "R" related in the heat of passion, you're probably safe.
Are you afraid to ask because you'll be a hypocrite if you stay with him and he's a devout "R?"

Oh, and speaking of hypocrites - hypocrite of the year. Tammie Faye.

LANCASTER, S.C. - Former televangelist Tammy Faye Messner says losing her trademark eyelashes during her struggle with cancer was a liberating experience. “I realized I wasn’t just eyelashes,” said Messner. “A person is more than just what you look like on the outside, adding that she glued on false ones.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Unless he says something "R" related in the heat of passion, you're probably safe.
Are you afraid to ask because you'll be a hypocrite if you stay with him and he's a devout "R?"

In answer to the question, yes. In answer to the comment, I guess I need to find something better for him to do with his mouth during the downtime than chat.

[soup sandwich]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Yes. My rule is, snoop all you want, but you can't use what you find, because snooping is very very bad.

If snooping is out, what are you supposed to do if you think your SO is fooling around? Immediately confront them without having any hard facts at all?

Originally posted by ltl/fb
The bedshitter is the one who shits when antsy, right? Not the long-winded, dry fellow?

rp, thank you so kindly for the explanation of "use." Very helpful.

Let me give you the unabridged version since you clearly are not a WCBS or a FOWCBS. A bedshitter who is world class would probalby do a little synergic shitting as opposed to just drinking. World Class means amonst the best, right? In the world. SO you arent just getting drunk (or having mor than one or two cocktails which I think is the line that is crossed to take one to Atticus's bed if I remember the post correclty, and you know I do). If you are just drinking, you would probalby just sit there and tune out while "FBA" was blathering on in long paragraphs, inter alia. Maybe you would doze off, but you wouldnt necessarily be running off into the arms of the next peniied person walking down the street. Now, if you were synergizing, say mixintg a little coke (hi Slave!) or were dosing, or taking ex, you wouldnt be able to stand in one place and listen to say more than four paragrahps without seriouslyneeding to get the fuck out of there.

That's why this cannot work, even though she is hot. Any questions?

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by soup sandwich
If snooping is out, what are you supposed to do if you think your SO is fooling around? Immediately confront them without having any hard facts at all?

What's the behavior that makes you think that? Maybe you ought to be asking questions about that....

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
What's the behavior that makes you think that? Maybe you ought to be asking questions about that....

Quickly closing all internet browser windows whenever the person walks by? Compulsively clearing the cache?

Of course, I do this at work ...

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Let me give you the unabridged version since you clearly are not a WCBS or a FOWCBS. A bedshitter who is world class would probalby do a little synergic shitting as opposed to just drinking. World Class means amonst the best, right? In the world. SO you arent just getting drunk (or having mor than one or two cocktails which I think is the line that is crossed to take one to Atticus's bed if I remember the post correclty, and you know I do). If you are just drinking, you would probalby just sit there and tune out while "FBA" was blathering on in long paragraphs, inter alia. Maybe you would doze off, but you wouldnt necessarily be running off into the arms of the next peniied person walking down the street. Now, if you were synergizing, say mixintg a little coke (hi Slave!) or were dosing, or taking ex, you wouldnt be able to stand in one place and listen to say more than four paragrahps without seriouslyneeding to get the fuck out of there.

That's why this cannot work, even though she is hot. Any questions?

It's weird, all the words are in English, yet I still can't translate this. Fucking public schools.