Meh.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
2. And your wife is going to get fat.

Damnit, I saw a picture of Britney post-pregnancy and now I can't find it. She's still heavy, even with the lipo that Str8 says she had. And Sebby, good job!!!

Rumors are swirling that songstress Beyoncé Knowles, 24, is pregnant. Beyoncé reportedly was overheard telling a partygoer in a private room at Jay-Z's 40/40 nightclub in Atlantic City on Oct. 26 that she is indeed expecting. Beyoncé's camp has denied she's pregnant and after all, Star did catch Beyoncé downing wine and vodka until 2:30 a.m. — not typical behavior for pregnant women!

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I
am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all
of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't
handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird,
I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The
world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me,
there are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I
don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also
hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds
totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant
role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally
strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior
didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you
hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that
fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever
imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my
life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.

I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it
was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I
really don't think I can handle that.

I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

The Reply:
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM
Subject: Re: Ugh....enjoy.

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load
of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45
minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long
because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid
thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't fark
him" somehow gave you a clean slate.

So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to
you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been
most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings
for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't
think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run
of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as
your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty
hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my
place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up
tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning
commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for
a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that
when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on
top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh
our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,
Brad

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
2. And your wife is going to get fat.

2.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Oh hell... I'll let this cat out of the bag because, well, its just too damned perfect.

My wife is knocked up. Amazing. I always figured I was firing blanks... Happy Fucking Holidays, Sebby!

And because she is, I just bought another hugeass SUV. Why you might ask? Because the one I have is getting up there in miles and the one I was offered was at a price I could not refuse. Its heavier than a tank and the way I see it, she will never get hurt in it during her often dangerous winter commute.

I wanted to write this yesterday in response to the convo regarding people buying cars to protect kids, but I bit my lip.

I just tired of biting. I had to cough this one up...

Good show old chap! I like the cut of your jib! Welcome to the club. Of course, this does mean the jig is up.

Have you been fitted for the lifetime set of golden handcuffs yet? Hold out for the padded version, they owe you that much.

eta: and don't forget to pass the torch to Coltrane. It's now his time.

[Replaced_Texan]

For Bad Rich Chick

From a new mom trying to write thank you notes:

Here's a knotty etiquette question for you.

We recently got a lovely package of clothes from our landlord, and one from his mother. (Who is in the hospital dying of cancer.) The package from his mother was clearly arranged by the landlord.

Well, thank yous are definitely owed! But last time [husband] talked to our landlord, his mother was in the process of dying. We haven't heard anything since. I suspect she has died.

Um, do I send her a card since I haven't been officially notified? Do I combine thank yous and ambiguously word them? HELP!

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by Penske_Account
Welcome to the club.

You? Are? A? Parent?

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
2. And your wife is going to get fat.

Not a chance. She's doing a fair amount of coke to keep down the cravings.

[LessinSF]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I have deleted a number of posts referring to a private conversation.

Paigowprincess has been deleted from this forum.

If anyone has a problem with this talk to me via pm.

I have always wondered what the sound of the other shoe dropping sounded like.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Good gawd, I suppose it's fairly early in the pregnany, so we're going to hear about it for what seems like an elephantine gestational period.

This from you? If pregnancies were songs, yours would be somehwre between "Low Spark" and "In a Gadda Da Vida."

Was you child speaking when he came out? I assume he could comb his own hair and operate a remote control, at least.

[Shape Shifter]

Maybe we could set up another forum for this.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Penske_Account
Good show old chap! I like the cut of your jib! Welcome to the club. Of course, this does mean the jig is up.

Have you been fitted for the lifetime set of golden handcuffs yet? Hold out for the padded version, they owe you that much.

eta: and don't forget to pass the torch to Coltrane. It's now his time.

I already have the fur lined ones. My dad gave them to us for Christmas. I think he might need another trip to Shady Meadows.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
This from you? If pregnancies were songs, yours would be somehwre between "Low Spark" and "In a Gadda Da Vida."

Was you child speaking when he came out? I assume he could comb his own hair and operate a remote control, at least.

Your whiff is almost as cute as my kid.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
You? Are? A? Parent?

Ixnay ixnay, lday lday. O.u.t.ab.l.e.

[confidential to plf]eta: plus without a paternity test I am happy to let Hank support the kids I have sired with his wife. What he doesnt know,what hurt him. [/confidential to plf]

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Maybe we could set up another forum for this.

I am starting a blog. Do you to pre-order the T-shirt, or the coffee mug? We may also do mousepads.

[LessinSF]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Most "callings" are of the creative sort, and its the one in a million creative person who becomes the next great novelist, painter, guitarist. In the meantime, we've all got bills to pay.

No shit. The amount of time and money our society expends to "educate" millions of kids for careers they can never pursue astounds me. This idea that we should all go to college is bullshit. I cannot believe how many kids the Academy of Art is allowed to rip off. Just because you think you are "called" to be a musician, actress, or artist does not mean you are any good at it. We should have A and O levels like England and stop deceiving the ditchdiggers of the world.