Fashion Board 12-09-03 through 1-08-04 - Page 218

sebastian_dangerfield · 12-23-2003, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I work with clients who give me tons of work, and I give nothing for Xmas. I assume there is some policy at most companies forbidding gifts. There are people who I should probably buy a car for, and they get nothing but the occasional b-ball ticket.
Its not the lawyers built in stinginess, its our fear of doing something wrong.
If you have no such policies, maybe you should think of a way to convey the gifts others get.

As to your first point, be fucking glad they pay your bills. My cheapass clients are killing my realization.

As to your second point, bullshit. Lawyers are cheap cocks who think short term. That's why the idiots suffer so much goddamned attrition. Well, that and the fact that they'd rather fuck their clients as hard as they can for as much short term cash as possible than bill reasonably and keep the client for the long term.

Aloha Mr. Learned Hand · 12-23-2003, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by taxwonk
Queen Victoria is rumored to have smoked pot to cure nausea. You could try that.

Tying threads together --

So were her suitors after they got a good look at her.

12-23-2003, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Yeah. It's an email. Skip it if you got it already.

Actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

Thurgreed(those crazy Swedes)Marshall

Did Not From Here get Thurgreed's login?

ThrashersFan · 12-23-2003, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Not Bob
But make sure that there is no such policy buried somewhere in the fine print at your company. A few of my clients have theirs listed in the "Standards of Engagement" letter that they send to me at the beginning of each matter. (The offending language is usually right after the part about how I won't charge more than 10 cents a copy and that I will give them a 10% discount off of my standard rate for the privilege of representing them.)

Trust me, I would never write a policy that did not allow people to give me gifts. That must be the one truly good thing about this job -- I get to make the rules (or at least some of the rules).

taxwonk · 12-23-2003, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Thanks. And I know who to go to for the chips.

TM

huh?

Not Bob · 12-23-2003, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThrashersFan
Trust me, I would never write a policy that did not allow people to give me gifts. That must be the one truly good thing about this job -- I get to make the rules (or at least some of the rules).

Wonderful. Tell me where to send the Bud Ice delivery truck.

ThurgreedMarshall · 12-23-2003, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Did Not From Here get Thurgreed's login?

Sometimes you should think really hard whether you are about to post would make sense to anyone other than you. Seriously. It probably wouldn't take much effort. And I don't think you're that far removed from reality (yet) that this might be a good exercise for you.

TM

ThurgreedMarshall · 12-23-2003, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by taxwonk
huh?

You. I would go to you for the chips. You would be more likely than a skinny person to have chips.*

TM

*But I wouldn't fuck you. I'd rather have the uggo with the hot body.

sebastian_dangerfield · 12-23-2003, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I have decided not to go to the adult board anymore bc I enjoy having a job. But Take A Wild Guess posted it over there. You cant miss it. Its the pic that generated a post from Sebby along the lines of "Man, look at the slab of roast beef on her!". The only more revolting post was the one where he discusses the sweaty salt lick between his wife's leg that is like greasy roast beef.

I never said my wife had a sweaty salt lick between here legs. Nor dis I say that she was smuggling a quivering mound of greased roast beef between her thighs. I merely made general statements about the fact that cunnilingus can be salty and female genitalia can at times resemble rancid lunchmeat.

Now, before you go there, I was NOT being sexist. As nasty as a bad vagina can be in the wrong light, the penis and scrotum are multiples more aestehtically unpleasant. Its a hooded, hair covered piss and sperm gun which looks like an earthworm when flaccid. If there's anything fouler out there in nature, I've yet to see it. I've had chicks say "Oh, you've got a great looking cock" to me in the past and wondered to myself "Just how many roofies did I give her?" I've checked it out from every angle and simply can't figure out how anyone can find it attractive. Its best angle is during the sex act - hidden.

Whoever said the body is the most beautiful of nature's creations never took a long look inside his/her pants.

Hank Chinaski · 12-23-2003, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThrashersFan
Trust me, I would never write a policy that did not allow people to give me gifts. That must be the one truly good thing about this job -- I get to make the rules (or at least some of the rules).

If you give someone a million in legal work, and they know you have no policy, you'll get something. I must admit its easier to just say I'm not getting a client anything because I believe there is a policy, but if you told me otherwise I'd have to pony up something.
You just have to come up with a way to politely convey the lack of policy to your lawfirm before next xmas season. You've got 10 months.

purse junkie · 12-23-2003, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
[yet another explicitly gross post]

Whoever said the body is the most beautiful of nature's creations never took a long look inside his/her pants.

That was really moving. Moving me to cancel my figure-drawing class because the thought of the human body now seems nauseating, you art-crushing bastard!

taxwonk · 12-23-2003, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
You. I would go to you for the chips. You would be more likely than a skinny person to have chips.*

TM

*But I wouldn't fuck you. I'd rather have the uggo with the hot body.

Okay. Now I get it. You were just being hopelessly lame. Thanks for the explanation. And for what it's worth, I wouldn't fuck you either. Not even with Not Me's dick.

But Merry Christmas. Cheers!

purse junkie · 12-23-2003, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Not Bob
Sorry, sweetie. All of my clients have policies which forbid me from giving them gifts or anything of value. About two years ago, a client (a relatively senior in-house lawyer in a large legal department) told me how much trouble one of his colleagues got in for keeping a bottle of wine he received from outside counsel.

That's ridiculous. Are they afraid of the appearance of bribery? It would take a hell of a lot more than just a box of rose Gallo to seduce most of the lawyers I know into giving someone else business. WTF?

greatwhitenorthchick · 12-23-2003, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
usual stuff

sculptures of genitalia can be very aesthetically pleasing. The real thing (male or female) is not always so. But it can be.

sebastian_dangerfield · 12-23-2003, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
sure. but we are talkign fat on the attractive lady and ug-lee on the good body. and we arent talking pam anderson or brooke burke or the roast beef lady from the adult board good body or attractive.

It depends again. I can deal with a little chunkiness all over, which can be cured by gym time. I cannot deal with a pear body. Either be fat all over or don't be fat. Fat asses need to be balanced. If you're a skinny guy with a fat ass, you might want to explore getting a sex change. All the styling gel in China ain't going to get you laid.

Now, if a chick has a good uniform but a bad helmet, she's generally fuckable but not datable. You cannot date anyone you can't look in the eye without first having a six pack. There's a chick in my office with a stunning body and a head that could scare a dog off a meat wagon. She ain't ugly, but she's got the "Jersey Claw"* haircut and she applies her makeup with a paint gun. I think if I sedated her and sent her to Elizabeth Arden with a blank check they'd send me back a hottie. On the other hand, a chick with a body like Gisele and a head like Rick Ocasek is still going to be single. She needs to date the skinny guy with the fat ass, but life is cruel, so they'll probably never meet each other. That's Darwin for ya.

Oh, yeh, my point was that its always subjective.

* Obnoxious bangs in front of long hair.