Fashion Board 4-6-04 to 5-7-04

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Look, I can tell from this picture that things between you and Ratios are still going well. But I will be disappointed if you do not take advantage of this window of opportunity with Halle. Do you know how much work this took? You could at least thank me.

I'm a little off Halle right now. Fred Durst? I mean, come on.

She's still perfect looking, but I'm open to a new number one.*

TM

* No, not that number one, Sleestak.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck


What I would not do is continue to lie on the couches (the only seating in our living room) like a beached whale (whoops! there I go again). The husband had enough sense to sit up (he was on the love seat) and so I very obnoxiously said "Why don't you go ahead and sit down Mrs. R? I can just sit on the floor." At which time she sat down and I plopped down on the floor.

At this time, this woman finally said something like "I suppose I should get up." I thought, "You're damn right you suppose you should get up." But, being the gracious host I am, I said "No no, take your time. I am really quite comfortable sitting here on this hardwood floor." Well, I didn't say the part about the hardwood floor, but I should have.

The thing is, after this exchange, it still took her about 10 minutes before she finally sat up and made room for me to sit on the couch!

Do you ever visit them? If so, I think this calls for the Old Standard Upper Decker...

Originally posted by Fugee
The Gloria Estefan night was a bigger disaster than the Elton John night. Perhaps only Gloria can sing her own songs well. In any case, there were no standout performances and some fairly weak ones.

Fantasia gave a great performance if you didn't factor in her singing. I don't know if it wasn't in a good key for her or if the effort of singing and dancing that fast made her voice weird or what, but it wasn't her best. Also, she needed a bra. I thought one of her breasts was going to smack her in the face. Simon said she sounded like Donald Duck on helium. That was a bit harsh but her voice did have an unpleasant edge to it on this song. Also, the repeated "salutes" to Jennifer Hudson were, as we say in Minnesota, "interesting." I couldn't decide if it was "Hey everyone, you let Jennifer get voted off, don't let me join her" or a way of showing that the wrong diva was voted out. But the sum of her performances should keep her in the competition.

George was better than last week but did not give a strong performance. He doesn't usually sing fast songs so he should have looked for a slower moving song. I suspect many of the singers were concentrating so hard on getting all the words out in the right rhythm that they weren't focussing on how they sounded.

LaToya made a smarter song choice. There were slower places in her song to catch up. She also put more zip into her performance. It was still not her strongest performance but it didn't suck.

John made a very smart song choice. If he had tried a fast song, he'd have embarrassed himself. Even so, he had major pitch problems and it was painful. He really should be the one to go, but Simon acknowledged that he is popular and is sticking around. He's becoming the Josh Gracin of this year's competition.

Jasmine also made a smart song choice, going for a power-ballad song. But it was so-so. Given that it was the kind of song right in her comfort zone, she should have been the best one, but didn't do great. One of the judges gave her a 7/10, which I thought was pretty generous. I don't know if any of the performances tonight were as high as 7s.

Diana had one of the best performances, along with LaToya, but considering that no one gave a great one, that isn't saying much. And she wore the ugliest dress; it made her look like a sausage.

Who knows who will go tomorrow. Based on all performances to date, it should be John or, if his fans jam the lines for him, Jasmine. But with one of the 3 best singers being voted off last week, you never know.

Everyone sucked totally, except George who only marginally sucked, and Jasmine who probalby sucked but I have stopped listening to her. I also would have like to see the clawfight to sing "turn the beat around" between Latoya and Diana. I could sing that fucking song especially with the back up of the miami sound machine. That said, I apparently hate the music of Gloria Estefan so doubt I could haave been impressed anyway.

The only nice thing I have to say about Fantasia was that she showed some self deporecatory humor which makes her seem like less of a clanging asshole.

George was only enjoyable when he held notes and I could hear his great voice. I am actually concerned for him this week. Did anyone try to vote for him? Coud they get through?

Latoya. Sucked.

John, didnt suck as bad as I would have thought. I had decided tnot to vote for him but then when Simon spoke about the chochoalte ice cream and onions I decided this genre was just too unfair for him and thought I should vote to keep him around. I have never had a harder time getting through for him. I actually gave up after only getting like 12 votes in in a twenty minute period. Was anyone else this hard to get through for? Is this guy gonna win?

Jasmin. Fast forward.

Diana. Kept her on just to confirm that she would sing that song and be as annoying with it as I thought she would be. Her puerto rican roots made her the best performaner but thsat wasnt a challengeing tune.

Fuck if I know who is going. I would have thoguth JS but you coudnt get through to vote for him and unless eveyrone else was just as hard, i say he is quite safe.

I think Latory and George are gonna be bottom two, hopefully with Jasmine or Diana. I think America is going to give the finger to the reCOCKulous racism allegations (what is happening is you have three similarly styled singers- who are splitting votes). Latoya was so blase that I think she has to go bc Fantasia has a star quality aside from that Macy Gray meets DOnald Trump meets BUckwheat thing. George sucked but I think he is too liked to go. I dont think we will have three blacks in the bottom. I guess I would bet DIana is bottom three with Latoya gone. ANyone vote for these people? could they get through?

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Nice dress. Can it be tailored to be a sixe six?

Ann Taylor size six, or real size six?

Originally posted by leagleaze
I think that you should just tell a white lie and say something is being done to the house, or your guestroom is full of stuff or whatever.

That way if they are clueless they won't get it and if they have a clue they might be a little hurt but also, might realize they have been taking advantage of your friendship.

But then they will face this dilemma repeatedly in the future. But I have always been painfully honest and have to assume deep down they know the truth. If I was lied to with some bs remodeling story it would be adding insult to injury.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
If I was lied to with some bs remodeling story it would be adding insult to injury.

Keep in mind, however, that it is the "friends" that are asking the favor and the "friends" who already abused the relationship. I don't think MR needs to spare their feelings at all -- they did nothing to spare his.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by leagleaze

(Nothing but love for ya Mr. Nothing but love.)

Is that an offer?

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
Is that an offer?

Maybe, but even if you accept I'm afraid that from my perspective, the consideration would be lacking.

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
I wouldn't know where to begin. There were a million things wrong with that weekend.



You have no idea how obtuse they are.

OK, I will give one little example (and this is a drop in the bucket) as to why the weekend was a nightmare, since it directly relates to their obtusity.

It's Friday. My wife and I get home from work and all the lights in the house are off. Curious. We notice a faint glow from the TV as we enter the house. We hang our coats by the back door and walk into the living room where the two of them sit, awake, but not moving, sprawled out on our couch and loveseat watching TV. (This is where I would normally tell you all that they are both really overweight, but I'm afraid of being called a fattist so pretend I didn't mention it, ok?) We greet them and they greet us and the chit chat starts up.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I were crashing at someone's place and noticed they were home from work and it was the end of the week, I would get up, shut off the TV and let them unwind without making a nuisance of myself. If they wanted to engage in a little chit chat, I would of course oblige. Perhaps I would ask them how their day went? Something like that.

What I would not do is continue to lie on the couches (the only seating in our living room) like a beached whale (whoops! there I go again). The husband had enough sense to sit up (he was on the love seat) and so I very obnoxiously said "Why don't you go ahead and sit down Mrs. R? I can just sit on the floor." At which time she sat down and I plopped down on the floor.

At this time, this woman finally said something like "I suppose I should get up." I thought, "You're damn right you suppose you should get up." But, being the gracious host I am, I said "No no, take your time. I am really quite comfortable sitting here on this hardwood floor." Well, I didn't say the part about the hardwood floor, but I should have.

The thing is, after this exchange, it still took her about 10 minutes before she finally sat up and made room for me to sit on the couch!

Anyway, as an update, I was unable to convince Mrs. R to tell these people they can't stay with us, so I will not be washing any dishes for 2 weeks in order to pay her back. And I will also be getting drunk and whoring around a lot. So, let me know if any of you are planning a trip to MN in the next two weeks. I'll let you chose the vice - drinking or whoring. Hell, if you're really up for it, chose both.

These folks sound like your basic midwestern proles. Nice, good intentions but with no respect for themselves or others. Maybe you should rent a couple of lazyboys for their visit? Get some tv dinners or Mcdonald's takeout? Fuck, why travel if all you are gonna do is sit on a couch and watch tv?

Tell your wife that you are not responsible for your behvior to Mr and Mrs Whale if they are rude and insenstivie again, especially since you will be drunk. Tell her you most definitely wont be at home but expect the place to be left as it was found. Also, no rimjobs for a month.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by leagleaze
Maybe, but even if you accept I'm afraid that from my perspective, the consideration would be lacking.

If I put on a dress and some makeup and carry a purse, would that help? I could shave my legs, too.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
These folks sound like your basic midwestern proles. Nice, good intentions but with no respect for themselves or others. Maybe you should rent a couple of lazyboys for their visit? Get some tv dinners or Mcdonald's takeout? Fuck, why travel if all you are gonna do is sit on a couch and watch tv?

Tell your wife that you are not responsible for your behvior to Mr and Mrs Whale if they are rude and insenstivie again, especially since you will be drunk. Tell her you most definitely wont be at home but expect the place to be left as it was found. Also, no rimjobs for a month.

Fairly accurate, paigow.

In their defense, the guy had just had lasik surgery that day, which is why the lights were off and he was kind of being lazy. That being said, he was really the only one of them with a stitch of manners.

Oh - the reason they are staying with us this time is for a follow up on his surgery. His eye clinic is about 8 blocks from our house.

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
If I put on a dress and some makeup and carry a purse, would that help? I could shave my legs, too.

I am sure you would make a lovely woman and all, but I'm afraid you would have to remove more than that. Therefore while the negotiation has been most enjoyable, I am afraid I will have to, with regret, decline your admittedly generous counter offer.


Joking aside, you all should know that Mr. tracked me down on my cell phone yesterday and with no help from me, but for a password and a "good luck" he managed to bring the site back up.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
But then they will face this dilemma repeatedly in the future. But I have always been painfully honest and have to assume deep down they know the truth. If I was lied to with some bs remodeling story it would be adding insult to injury.

Speaking of, how is the bar stalker? How were (or just were) you able to resolve the situation? You give so much to fake friends on the internet that it's difficult to imagine you have much left over for fake friends at your favorite bar.

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Speaking of, how is the bar stalker? How were (or just were) you able to resolve the situation? You give so much to fake friends on the internet that it's difficult to imagine you have much left over for fake friends at your favorite bar.

Haven't been to the bar since actually which is more a reflection of my busy schedule than anything else She did invite me to some big old gala at some historical mansion but I decloined on Evite saying I am outtatown. which i will be. havent heard from her since.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
Fairly accurate, paigow.

In their defense, the guy had just had lasik surgery that day, which is why the lights were off and he was kind of being lazy. That being said, he was really the only one of them with a stitch of manners.

Oh - the reason they are staying with us this time is for a follow up on his surgery. His eye clinic is about 8 blocks from our house.

These people don't sound like friends at all. You should charge them fucking rent.

Why don't you and the Mrs. just leave for the weekend and let them stay? It doesn't sound like either of you are necessary for their trip.