imaginary friends to fill the void that is your gaping gash.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I'm not religious.

TM

Then quit kneeling down in front of me, dammit.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
They would have to have been covered in kernels to fit the feared situation.

OK, now I'm getting some gross mental images, considering there is an outhouse involved. Perhaps after a bbq? Ugh.

Some outhouse stories are good.

This is outable but what the hell.

Once upon a time, there was a whorehouse in La Grange, Texas. Some say it was the longest running business establishment in all of Texas. You may have heard a song about it by ZZ Top. In the early 70s, a news reporter with nothing better to do decided to do an expose on the fact that you could buy sex at this whorehouse in the middle of the country. You may have seen the movie version of musical about it starring Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. Dom DeLuise played Marvin Zindler.

Anyhow, there was a statewide kerfluffle, and the whorehouse was eventually shut down. The innocent prostitutes suddenly were out of work and sort of scattered. One of them, a woman named Myrtle, decided to go out on her own. From what I understand, Myrtle looked almost exactly like what you think a woman named Myrtle would look like.

Myrtle bought a small farmhouse, in nearby Walhalla, Texas, and set up shop. Myrtle liked her work, but she LOVED animals, so there were all sorts of birds and goats and chickens and even a monkey in the main part of the house. Myrtle coducted business in the rear part of the house, and she made the guys go to the outhouse in the back instead of the bathroom inside when they were done. The outhouse was sort of weathered, and the wood was this silvery grey. Each of the guys would carve their initials or their ranch brand into the outhouse door, literally leaving their mark. Some even brought their brands and seared them into the door.

Eventually, a couple from Houston with a small kid and another on the way was looking for a weekend place. Myrtle was sick of keeping the farmhouse going, decided she'd rather spend time with the animals than the men, and she had a trailer on another nearby piece of property. So she moved all the animals and sold the house to the Houston couple.

The Houston couple fixed up the house, restored the plumbing, and shooed some peacocks away. As the outhouse looked to be a liability for the kids, they decided to tear it down and fill it up.

The husband, though, LOVED the story of the outhouse door, and he saved it. They no longer have that property, but the outhouse door is still hanging in his office, 30 plus years later. Unless you know the story, you'd never guess that it was an outhouse door instead of some primative piece of ranch art.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
If I ask nicely, will you stop? Please? It's flu season; some of us are weakened and need mercy.

But I'm not good at mercy.

[cheese grits]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
This reminds me of a story a coworker told me last night over drinks. He grew up on a farm in South Texas. The story involves an outhouse and puppies, and was one of the most disturbing things I have ever heard. Unless I receive breasticle pictures from 3 separate FBetties by 5pm (central time) Monday, I will repeat the story on this board.

I love outhouse stories. And corn shits. Tres liberating. Please do tell the story.

Speaking of stories, I have one. In addition to beershits, cornshits, single malted whiskey beverages, Rue McLahanan and Nancy Grace, I have had a lifelong obsession with the women’s room.

Why, I know not, but I am fascinated by what potential mysteries are locked behind the portal marked “ladies”. Also, what mysteries lie hidden beneath their skirts. Point of fact is I find it incredibly arousing to sneak into a ladies room, unobserved and do my business in such a hallowed hall.

On Wednesday I had the opportunity. I was in Philadelphia for depositions, which ran late. At one point in a break in the action, I had to “go” and managed to sneak out and onto another floor in the firm I was at where, it appeared, there was no activity. Coast clear I snuck into the ladies facilities for a quick and erotic constitutional. Actually, I only had to pass some H20,, but of course, in a women’s room, one uses the stall for that. So I did my biz and then sat for a spell, soaking in the ambiance and to be frank, obtaining a “personal” in the process, when all of sudden, the door opens and I hear the “click click click” of high heels proceed into the room and directly into the stall next to mine. I quietly lifted my feet to avoid any hint of my man shoes. Quickly there followed the pssssssssssss tinkling of her urine splashing into the water. Not too much, perhaps she wasn’t hydrated well. Then silence. I assumed she was done but all of a sudden the silence was broken a soft groan and then a huge kerplunking splash!

From the sounds of the displaced eau d’toilet this was a BM to write home about. I then heard the sounds of some rapid wiping, a flush and she was out there so quickly that the scent of her perfume (Chanel, by the by) mixed with a hint of poop, did not waft into my stall until the door to the restroom was shutting from her exit.

I have to admit more than a little arousal by that point, but I was late to rejoin my depo and there was no time to “you know what” until later that night in my room back at the Rittenhouse. All in all quite the turn-on.

Cheese grits

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
I never said it was common. I said it was "arguably more common" than snowballing, which is a very defensible statement.

At any rate, let the record reflect that sebby would rather pass his own duck butter back and forth with someone else than engage in a little analingus.

Duck butter? Where the hell did that one come from? I mean first it was spunk, then clam chowder and now duck butter?

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by spookyfish
But I'm not good at mercy.

Cornsicle.

[str8outavannuys]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Your sig line is, hands down, the stupidest one I have ever seen.

I'm pretty sure it's from 25th Hour. I'm not weighing in on whether it's a stupid sig line or not, but at least it's consistent (same actor, different movie) wtih the avatar. And the scene includes a hotter than hot Natalie Portman, so it's got that going for it.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Cornsicle.

Corn chowdah.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Speaking of economics, did anyone catch Project Runway last night for the postal uniform design competition? Wendy manages to keep going just by not being the absolute worst each time. I foresee her demise soon. I would bet she was the one who drew the moustache on the picture of her daughter. While the other contestants appear to try to advance based on their work, Wendy sees it all as competition against others. I could see Austin or Jay (or maybe both) drawing the moustache in a moment of late night bitchiness.

I was glad to see Robert go. I thought his "solar panels for energy" on the 2055 outfit was completely stupid. And the pants-into-shorts ideas was tried in the 80s and failed for a reason -- they're stupid.

I enjoy watching Jay and Austin. Austin was such a good sport to be Jay's model. If I were gay, I'd fuck him. I thought it was funny that they thought the outfit was "too butch."

Kara S. always seems to find a way to quietly win. I'd like to see Austin and Jay go to the finals just for entertainment value, but Kara's consistency seems to make that prospect seem unlikely.

I'm looking forward to the Red Carpet show next week. I'd like to see what these people can do without the stupid themes. And I'd like another swimsuit competition.

Saw this last night...

spoilers
It is obvious that Wendy is out next week. I actually liked Robert's outfit, other than the lack of functionality on the waist of the pants. The top was cute, though maybe not on all body types. Better than any of his recent efforts. But he was clearly no going to win, so no real loss other than he should have made if further than Wendy.

Kara Saun is good. I think Jay has more creativity, so he really hits with some; not so much for others. Austin is a total longshot because his sense of style is so out there (too poofy, flouncy, etc.). Not a crazy pick, but I see Kara winning it all. It will be cool to see all three of the finalists' full shows though.

If Wendy makes it to the finals, I'll fuck Shape Shifter.*

*this offer not valid in most states or in Canada. check the back of the box for complete details. use as directed.

Originally posted by spookyfish
Corn chowdah.

Cream Corn From The Socket Of Davis.

I win.

ETA: some party tunes here .

[NotFromHere]

New Homeland security PMS warning system

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Saw this last night...

[Sorry, Burger, I disagree about the need for spoiler space due to discussion of board room stuff in your first paragraph. (though I was not spoiled, as I watched this last night) ncs]

Apprentice spoilers ahead...










On the topic of reality shows, did I miss it or did not one of the talented (er, amazing) attorneys on apprentice ever use the phrase "good faith" in trying to describe why the guy with the exemption should get canned? "broke your trust" "exemptions have exceptions"? good grief--time to go into business.

And why didn't the magna team (for Magna cum loud) make a better effort to keep verna around, so she could get fired at the end? Why not let her sit in the building to sleep off her chronic fatigue, and then rat her out to trump?

eta: color. sorry. do you avoid ads, too, bl?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
I really kind of doubt I was more obsessed with the snowballing than others, but who knows.

After three-plus years, you're the only one who's mentioned it, until today, and Thurgreed's just trying to stir up the shit.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by ironweed
Cream Corn From The Socket Of Davis.

I win.

Only as a side dish to the roast beef.

Prosit!

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
You got me, Snowball.

TM

I knew it, slushpuppy.