It's all about me

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I'm in a swing state so I have to pass, but someone really should tell Club.

If this catches on, by '08 you'll be in a swinging state.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Boars are massive. Show me an 80lb boar. Damn things get up to 3-400lbs.

He's talking about the ferocious Mongolian Pygmy Boar, you jackass. 80-90 lbs of muscle and razor-sharp teeth. Go ahead and try to pet one of those bad boys, Mr. Weight Superior Human. And good luck learning to type on internet chat boards with your new prosthetic forearm. Jackass.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I've been dive-bombed by two robins when I has trimming a bush.

So.... Were you at some kind of nudist camp? I usually stick to the more pedestrian bathroom for trimming bush.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Boars are massive. Show me an 80lb boar. Damn things get up to 3-400lbs.

I take it you've never run into a javalina. Those little suckers are mean.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
They travel in goose gangs. And they aren't the least bit intimidated by a golf club or even a car. They'll stand their ground. And they bite. It's better not to run away, but they bite. Or snap or whatever it is that you do with a beak.

You probably outweigh most pitbulls, but that's no reason not to fear them.

Pitbulls are some scary shit. I've been bit by German Shepherds a few times, and generally found that if you can get the dog off you and kick it really hard square in the head or ribs, the fight tends to end, but pit bulls don't seem to have any pain threshold. I knew a guy who kept one and the damn thing would bite a wooden plank and then he'd pull the plank up like ten feet in the air and the damn crazy dog would just hang there by its jaws. That's a dog I am never fucking with.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
[beeg beeg man frightened of teeny tiny sweet pitbulls]

No, really, you outweigh it. There's no reason to be frightened. Pet it. Tease it. Poke at it. Please.

I hear there are some vicious rats you outweigh too.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
He's talking about the ferocious Mongolian Pygmy Boar, you jackass. 80-90 lbs of muscle and razor-sharp teeth. Go ahead and try to pet one of those bad boys, Mr. Weight Superior Human. And good luck learning to type on internet chat boards with your new prosthetic forearm. Jackass.

I had no idea were including Asian varieties. My comments, of course, we're limited to the North American pot bellied variety.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
No, really, you outweigh it. There's no reason to be frightened. Pet it. Tease it. Poke at it. Please.

I hear there are some vicious rats you outweigh too.

Along these lines, I have been trying to domesticate this terrifically cute woodchuck that hangs out in my front yard. I had the bastard cornered last week and tried to offer him food, but he was too cunning for the vodka disabled human and managed to dart into some bushes. Anyone know what those things eat. I don't want to catch the little bastard, but I'd like to get him in the habit of hanging out near my porch so I can watch him and his brood. They really are neat looking little animals. I love it when they stand up and look around.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I never understood people getting mad if a gay person hits on them. I've been hit on by gay men. I've also had gay men compliment me on my clothes. As to the first, I think its great. Gay men I know are really looks conscious, so if you get hit on by a gay dude, that's a valifdation that you probably look pretty good at that moment (provided he's not one of those slovenly gay guys). As to the second, if a gay dude admires your threads, you've done well. Then, of course, my wife tells the gay dude that she picked out the clothes, so I lose any gay style cred I might have gained.

The only bad kind of "getting hit on" is not getting hit on.

I've been hit on a number of times by women. Most of the times weren't overly flattering because the women hitting on me were my drunk (bi and/or lesbian) friends. There was this one time though... I consider it the most flattering hit on to date, but it likely wasn't all that unusual.

I was pretending to be a bartender at a bar where I was a regular. Basically pretending to be a bartender means I was behind the bar, making drinks and talking to patrons because it was a slow night and the guy who ran the place wasn't one of those responsible sorts (he likely was happy I was helping out, so he could sneak off to do blow occasionally). The cool thing about pretending to be a bartender is that you don't have to do any cleaning or menial labor. So, anyway, back to the story. I was pretending to be a bartender one night and this attractive couple came into the bar. There were only like 4 or 6 people in the whole place. So they sat down and I was chatting them up, as (good) bartenders are likely to do. After a couple of drinks, they asked me what I was doing later. It was clear from the way the conversation headed that they wanted me to come home with them. The woman was particularly interested. Alas, I now have to tell the men of the FB that I didn't go with them. Ultimately I was more interested in the cute, way too young for me (in those pre-Demi/Ashton days) Jelly Belly salesman (I kid you not - he drove a Jelly Belly mobile from town to town dispensing candy to one and all) at the other end of the bar than I was in having my first MFF experience. So I let ABBA and her husband walk out of my bar that night. I'm sorry.

Post Script. I still have the business card for the Jelly Belly boy. We tried to hook up before he left town, but, alas, it was not meant to be. And now he is probably Coltrane-aged, so that window has closed. Sigh.

[Sigmund Freud]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I hate snakes. I am snakephobic and I am afraid of them. I also hold them in contempt. I have directed others to kill snakes before, and I would do it again. Suffice it to say, if I were to discover a snake in my house, I would pass out in fear and shock and probably be killed by the snake. I want snakes to stay away from me. I want to stay away from snakes. I don't care if a snake can rush for 2000 yards a season (I didn't bother to look up Kenny Stabler's stats, btw, wasn't he rumored to be a gay?) A snake is a snake. I have no pretentions that my view on this matter are in any way progressive, but I don't care. Down with snakes.

That's very interesting. How do you feel about cigars?

[Dave]

horrifying picture

Really fat guy loses 321 pounds in 8 weeks. Avatar material? New Weight Watchers spokesperson?

link

Article contains at least one piece of delicious unintentional comedy:

A group known as the League of Human Dignity helped arrange for Deuel to be driven to a local livestock scale, where he could be weighed.

[Say_hello_for_me]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Pitbulls are some scary shit. I've been bit by German Shepherds a few times, and generally found that if you can get the dog off you and kick it really hard square in the head or ribs, the fight tends to end, but pit bulls don't seem to have any pain threshold. I knew a guy who kept one and the damn thing would bite a wooden plank and then he'd pull the plank up like ten feet in the air and the damn crazy dog would just hang there by its jaws. That's a dog I am never fucking with.

If I may, I was trained to stick an object up a pit bull's ass if you needed to get it to unclamp its jaws. I was sick the day they taught what to do for sharks.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I never understood people getting mad if a gay person hits on them.

It's worth understanding even if we disagree with it.

The first possibility is the emotional trauma caused by the sudden and unprepared realization that one could actually be raped.* Men don't go through their day thinking about that, and haven't come to terms with that risk, as most women have. Feeling the atmosphere of sexual danger that women live with 24/7/365 is really quite jarring for men.

The second possibility is that homosexual panic is like vertigo --- it's not the fear that one might fall; it's the fear that one might, in an unguarded moment, suddenly leap.

*I'm not saying that gay men actually rape straight men, just that straight men who react strongly to being "hit on" are usually the kind who are mostly isolated from gay men and have never considered the possibility that someone of equal or greater physical strength could overpower them, if they wanted to. The panic that inspires is irrational, but (I believe) sincerely felt.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Ducks are fine. It's the fucking Canadian geese (sorry GWNC) that deserve to die. Don't fucking hiss at me when I walk by and step in your goose crap you paranoid long-necked fuck.

Jumping in for Canadians and Goose-timmies everywhere, though I am neither. The correct term is Canada geese. Unfortunately, the mean bastards are on the endangered list, though I wouldn't mind "accidentally" running one over. Apropos of this, I witnessed someone do this a few months ago. I unfortunately did not have a pad or paper handy to take the driver's plate number.

[Dave]

Originally posted by baltassoc
I happen to have met Mike Wallace (fortunately, not to be the subject of one of his stories, or at least, not in a bad way). The guy's a total ass. The only thing surprising about his arrest for this type of thing is that it didn't happen 30 years ago.

I don't have much of a sample size to go on, but it seems to me that you'd pretty much have to be a complete ass in order to be an investigative journalist (or Michael Moore).