Merry Generic Winter Day-Off With No Religious Content

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.

I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.

Yes, exactly!

But I understand why they didn't say anything. It's really hard to critisize someone's partner without risking alientating yourself. So most of the time, it's best to say nothing. Most of the time.

I learned my bridesmaids talked about whisking me off to Mexico the night before the wedding. If they'd spoken to my father, he would have underwritten the whole kidnapping.

And yet, somehow I wound up married. For almost 6 years.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.

I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.

I never wanted this to get out, but, I really couldn't stand your husband. I'm sorry.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ironweed
This was. Definitely.

More important, was it good for you?

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by ironweed
See how easily your smug, hollow platitudes like "one shouldn't burn a baby" crumble into dust.

What type of golf club would you recommend for beating a pregnant woman if the "circumstances" demanded it?

I would think an alley or a cheap walkup would be a more appropriate venue for pregnant woman beating.

If the bitch is asking for it.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.

I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.

How would you have responded if they had?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.

I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.

If my best friend had married the guy that she dated for about five years, I probably would have risked the 20 or so years of friendship to tell her that I couldn't stand him and thought he was an awful person.

Fortunately, she couldn't stand him after awhile either, and ended up marrying someone that I genuinely like and think she's great with.

Everyone I've dated, my friends and family have absoutely adored, at least to my face. No one has ever told me that they secretly never liked the guys I've dated.

[bold_n_brazen]

I've spent all day on the phone with some Swiss guy who is going to be really fucking rich when I am finished with him.

And now, I am off to the airport to go see my sweetheart.

You all have a lovely weekend, okay?

(kissy kiss)

[pony_trekker]

Where's a good NYC place to buy everyday silverware and a few glasses?

We have good stuff but for rank and file home eating, we have only 4 forks left because the others all ran away.

My mind screams Target but I don't know if there's any place better.

[Adder]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
Neither the Red nor the Blue are much like DT at all (which is a blonde where as the Red and the Blue are brown and even darker, respectively), and thus I would probably go with the White glass for the DT, although the link I provided earlier will tell you definitively.

I am apparently misremembering my last glass of DT. It has been awhile afterall. Perhaps I shall have to remind myself tonight.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.

I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.

Mixed bag for me. I got a lot of grief at the time from my sister (divorced once and now working on number 2) and a friend of mine (now divorced and feels like crap about treating me the way she did at the time) for not staying together.* Like nox4, I guess we put on a pretty good front for them. But since we always got along, just more in a brother-sister sort of way, I guess that makes sense. My growing population of separate friends by the time we separated thought it was the best move ever, but that is to be expected, I think.

No guilt over any of it at this point. I don't think you should fault your friends for keeping quiet. Voicing opinions like that can lead to the demise of a friendship. I have learned that lesson the hard way too (though the only reason I said anything in that case was it was an abusive relationship, at least as reported to me by her; it led to the only public altercation I've ever had with anyone (her asshole ex-boyfriend) in my life).



*this despite the fact that my sister didn't really like him. she is not especially good at the non-judgmental support, it turns out.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.

I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.

Common occurence. The general psychological construct is that people won't hear what they don't want to hear, regardless of how obvious it is to the objective observers. Further, and maybe you would have been able to be more objectively self-relfective on prodding, the normal response in these situations is defensive and turning the tables ("why don't want me to be happy?"). Assuming a normal relationship contruct where you "love" the other party and are "pledging" to them "for life" and possibly "eterntiy", Larry David's understanding notwitstanding, are you really going to take a friends opinion that he/she is wrong for you to heart?


eta: my first wife was a family therapist, which is where I gleaneed those insights, but I am JD, not MD or PhD, so ymmv.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Where's a good NYC place to buy everyday silverware and a few glasses?

We have good stuff but for rank and file home eating, we have only 4 forks left because the others all ran away.

My mind screams Target but I don't know if there's any place better.

I bough silverware from Target recently and it's been fine. Forks seem to hold food, knives cut, etc.*



*the spoons are excellent for use with both cereal (teaspoon) and soup (soup spoon).

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Where's a good NYC place to buy everyday silverware and a few glasses?

We have good stuff but for rank and file home eating, we have only 4 forks left because the others all ran away.

My mind screams Target but I don't know if there's any place better.

Go to a restaurant supply house. Great durability, low prices, and a huge range of prices and designs.

As an alternative, Crate & Barrel hasa a line of basics that they sell in sets of six and twelve that are quite goos for everyday.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by taxwonk
How would you have responded if they had?

I think I would have listened to what they have to say. Generally I trust my friends' judgment.

[Fugee]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
I've spent all day on the phone with some Swiss guy who is going to be really fucking rich when I am finished with him.

If you're giving away the trust fund, look closer to home!